“Do you… do you talk to Taylor about this stuff?”
Jessica heaves out another sigh and it’s so deep it rumbles through her lungs and prompts her to start coughing. Releasing her hand, I reach for the tissues and a spit bag from her nightstand and place them close to her on the bed. She takes her time, emptying what’s in her mouth and wiping at her lips.When she’s done, I stay silent, waiting for her to answer my question.
“Taylor… Taylor knows how I feel,” she says eventually, seeming to sink back into her pillows a bit more.
I swallow and remember what I saw yesterday evening. “How do you… how do you feel about Taylor?”
Jessica frowns at me like I expect. It’s a look that’s tinged with disgust.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Do you have… you know, feelings for Taylor?”
“Well, yeah, she’s my best friend.” Jessica scoffs and her eyes travel to look at the curtains drawn across her window.
“The other night, I saw you holding hands…”
“So what? You fuck your friends!” Jessica spits back.
“Wow, okay.” I hold my hands up. “Defensive much?”
Jessica closes her eyes. “Taylor… Taylor and I like each other. Yes.”
“Like more than friends?”
“Yes, like more than friends.”
A heavy weight sinks in my stomach. “Since when?”
“A while now. We… I tried to kiss her at the festival. But she,” Jessica looks down at her hands again, this time filled with scrunched-up Kleenex, “she wouldn’t do it. She won’t do it. She doesn’t want to risk me getting sick. She says we should just be friends.”
That crack in my heart deepens and widens.
“Oh, Jessica, you know that it’s probably for the best,” I say and immediately her eyes pin me with a heavy look of disdain. “Even with all the risks, there’s also the fact that dating your friends can get hella messy.”
“Like I just said, you literally fuck your friends!”
“Well, fucking isn’t dating!” I raise my voice before I can stop myself. The last thing I want to do is shout at my sister, but I can only be shouted at so many times.
“How the hell would I know? I haven’t done either!” Jessica snaps.
My body lurches back from another outburst and the truth of what Jessica has just revealed. It’s not like I spend a lot of time thinking about my sister’s dating life but of course, it makes sense. And I feel stupid for not thinking about how it would make her feel.
“You need to eat. And you need to do your physio,” I say, standing to get the bowl of oatmeal and glass of orange juice. “And you need to take your meds.”
“Well, I don’t need your help with any of those things,” Jessica says. And she’s right. She is perfectly able to do these things on her own. And yet, it’s our routine on the days when I’m at home. I come home from the gym while she’s doing her first vest workout and we eat lunch together while watching some godawful reality TV that she chooses. After that, we have “Computer Club,” where we each sit on the couch with a laptop each, or another device. She either reads on her Kindle or watches YouTube videos about low glucose baking. I answer emails and DMs and reply to some comments while also planning content and collaborations. Then she would do her second physio of the day, and I would stay close, keeping her company and urging her on when I saw her getting tired. Then it would invariably be time for her to rest, often napping in her room, while I would go to my cabin and answer more DMs and edit footage I wouldn’t want to do in front of Jessica.
“Okay, fine, I’ve got the message,” I say, leaving the oatmeal and juice on her nightstand. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” I start walking to her door.
“I won’t,” Jessica says grumpily and I am so close to spinning around and giving her a mouthful about being ungrateful, but when I look over my shoulder, I see her look defeatedly at her hands again, another tear slipping down her cheek.
Fuck.Fuck.
SCORPIO SEASON
“Look out for new opportunities to define who you are. Challenge yourself in ways that feel liberating and exciting. Suffering is never the answer to your problems.”
Chapter Ten
