I turn to the camera nearest me, about three feet away from the bed, mounted on a stand that also has a ring light behind it, and I point to my now fast-deflating dick.
“That’s the way it goes, sometimes,” I say. “Sex is not always about orgasms, people. But fuck, that was still a hell of a lot of fun. Peace.”
I switch the camera off.
“You didn’t come?” Miko is rolling over and pulling Harley into his arms. The other camera will no doubt catch the cream pie coming out of him in a few seconds; viewers will go nuts for that, and I can probably edit it in but cut the audio to make it work. Harley curls up in a ball beside him, still leaving kisses on his chest.
“Not this time.” I sit on the edge of the bed and lean back, catching my breath and gathering my thoughts, many of which are still confusing and conflicting.
“You okay?” Harley asks.
“Yeah, you know I don’t need to come.” I start looking around for my underwear.
“No, not about that. In general,” Harley says, lifting her head slightly so she can see me better. “You’ve been a bit quiet the last few weeks.”
“I’m fine,” I say quickly. Too quickly, perhaps.
“Is Jessica okay?” Miko asks.
“Yeah, she’s good,” I say. And she really is. Her last tune-up yesterday showed some improvement in her lung capacity and the doctor even went as far as to credit Prince with the development.
“Want to come lie down with us? Enjoy some aftercare?” Harley asks and she opens up her arms. A beat later, Miko does the same thing, beckoning me over to them both.
I could go. I could lie down next to them and enjoy their hugs and easy conversation. I could maybe even sleep with my head on Miko’s strong chest, and with my fingers tangled with Harley’s on his stomach. But whereas once that gave me a feeling of homecoming, of being where I belonged, I know it won’t come. It hadn’t come for so long by the time I broke up with them, there’s no way it will magically appear today.
Besides, I don’tneedthat feeling. My life is perfectly full without that kind of a relationship. I have enough people who love me. And I have enough things to do. Like right now, I literally have a lot that needs to get done. I need to get home, get showered and edit this footage. I need to walk Prince with Jessica and I need to make dinner for us all.
This is just a crash of hormones since I wasn’t able to come. This is like blue balls for my emotions. I just need to go home, get busy and forget about what I felt watching Harley and Miko.
And I definitely need to stop thinking about Maeve.
Maeve who I am going to see in less than a week.
Maeve who didn’t reply to my message.
Maeve who, I suspect, doesn’t want to be my friend.
Maeve who may never actually explain to me why she doesn’t want to be my friend. And that’s okay. She doesn’t owe me anything.
And I don’t owe her or anyone, other than my mom and sister, anything. Which is exactly how I like my life.
“I’m going to go home,” I say.
“Are you sure?” Harley asks. “Doms need aftercare too.”
“And later we can order in and play some cards,” Miko adds, because he’ll take any opportunity to kick my ass.
“A long shower is going to be my aftercare. And some meal prep.”
“You’re so weird,” Harley says into her boyfriend’s skin. “I love you, Loncey.”
“I know you do.” I reach behind me and find her toes, the nails painted neon purple, squeezing them. “I love you too.” I move my hand to grip around Miko’s hairy ankle. “Both of you. But I think you need this moment just the two of you.”
“And you need to be by yourself?” Miko drops his arm.
“I am a Scorpio with Aries moon and Taurus rising.” I stand up, moving over to the other camera and switching it off.
“But you used to beourScorpio with Aries moon and Taurus rising.” Harley pouts at me.
