“Well, firstly, wanting to look attractive – sexual or otherwise - and experiencing sexual attraction are two very, very different things. But to answer your question, I do it for myself. I like to look beautiful. I like beautiful clothes. I like putting make-up on and having Fernando work his magic with my hair every two weeks. I do all of that for myself. And let me tell you, it feels good. Probably much better than it feels to do it for someone else.”
“I…” She falters. “I honestly don’t know if I do it for myself or for men.”
A strange expression alters every single one of her features and I recognise the look immediately. She looks lost.
I reach over and nudge her arm gently. Her eyes snap onto mine and her face looks a little more composed. “Next time you get all dressed up, tell yourself, hell, even talk to your reflection in the mirror, and say, I’m doing this for you. I’m putting on my earrings and my lipstick and my little black dress, just for you.”
“I’ll do that tonight,” Lauren says with a shimmer in her eyes. “I’m meeting my best mate over there. She’s got some conference this week and asked me to meet her for some of the parties.”
I hold my breath. “Is it XXXCon?”
“Yeah! You know it?” Lauren looks around before leaning closer. “She does MyFans. Makes a killing. She paid for my flights and everything.”
“I’m giving a speech there, actually.”
“You?”
“Me,” I confirm.
“Wow, what about?”
“Underrepresented queer identities and how we can improve their representation in the adult industry.”
“Sounds… interesting.”
I bite back my scoff. “I doubt it will be the highlight of the conference.”
“Do you know anyone else going?”
“Not really. I have sort of made Internet friends with someone else who’s going but I’ve never met them in person yet.”
“Oh, who’s that?”
I somehow manage to say Loncey’s handle without my voice sounding completely normal, even though that’s not how I feel when I think about them.
“ElBaby! I love him!”
I hold back another cringe and decide to try and subtly point out her error. “You subscribe to them?”
“Oh, yeah. His stuff is really good. He’s so hot.”
“Their stuff, you mean.They’rehot,” I correct her.
But Lauren doesn’t appear to hear me. “Do you know him?”
“Them,” I correct her again. “I know them, yes.”
“But he’s… you know.”
I hold my hand up to halt this conversation properly. “Sorry, but Loncey is non-binary and their pronouns are they/them,” I say again and stare at her a little harder.
“Oh, shit, yeah. Sorry.”
“And I’m aware that they’re a sex worker,” I say. “Like your friend.”
“Oh, she doesn’t shag on camera. She only does solo stuff. Mostly boob stuff as she’s got these massive double H bazookas.”
“Her poor back,” I think out loud.
