Rather than think on this anymore, I recall what we were talking about.
“I mean, that’s what I’m saying. Not getting married isn’t the end of the world.”
“And why don’t you want to get married?” they ask me, their head turning my way. I hold eye contact for barely a second before I look away. Their brown eyes are too intense. Their calm smile too at ease. Their question too… too close to a topic I don’t, won’t talk about with a stranger.
“I like my life.” I shrug. “If it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it.”
It’s not a direct answer. It’s a clear deflection. It’s not even contextually relevant. But perhaps I deliver it with enoughassurance, because when I finally look back and lock eyes with Loncey, they nod at me once and then go back to watching the waterworks.
We watch the rest of the performance in silence, and asTime to Say Goodbyecontinues to play, I realise there’s no shifting this slight sadness that has settled in my stomach after that conversation. I immediately blame it on the jetlag. I’m always emotional when I’m tired. Maybe that’s a Cancer thing too…
“Don’t you want to film it? You know, for a video.” Loncey’s voice interrupts my thoughts.
I blink at Loncey. “No, no I don’t,” I say honestly. And it’s not just because it must be one of the most recorded attractions in the country, filling hundreds of thousands of hours of footage, but it’s because I want to watch it with my own eyes. I want to watch it and enjoy it. Because I am enjoying it.
It’s so silly. It’s such a waste of water and electricity and yet I’m moved by it. I find myself swaying with the music andoohing now and then with the crowd. And I’m smiling. I’m really smiling.
It’s charming. It’s beautiful.
It’s romantic as fuck.
And yet here I am standing next to a virtual stranger, my hair unwashed and unbrushed, my face make-up free and my clothes… just fecking shocking, the lot of it.
It only adds to my feelings of being undesirable, making them impossible to shake.
Fuck, I need a good night’s sleep. And maybe an orgasm.
When it’s all over, the crowd immediately starts to disperse and I don’t know exactly what to do or say to Loncey. Do they still want to walk? Should I just make my excuses and try to sleep off this low mood? I’m about to suggest I do just that when Loncey speaks.
“You know I’ve never actually seen that myself before,” they admit, moving to face me. “And it wasn’t that bad. It was actually kind of cool.”
I nod my head. “Yeah, it kind of was. But you know, that seems strange you’ve never seen it before. I mean, you said you’ve lived here all your life.”
“Guinness Museum,” they remind me.
“Right, or the Guinness Storehouse,” I correct them.
“You know, if I ever make it over to Dublin, you’re going to have to take me to that damn museum.”
I tsk.“Why on earth would you want to come to Dublin?”
That seems to amuse them. “Why on earth wouldn’t I? I’ve never left the US. Anywhere else would be exciting to me.”
I squint at them. “You’ve seriously never gone abroad?”
They shrug. “I haven’t really wanted to. I don’t like being too far away from my sister.”
I nod, remembering. “How is Jessica?”
“She’s okay. Prince has worked a lot of magic with her mood. And she’s… she’s got this close friend, and… well, I have this feeling that something is going on there.”
“Taylor?”
“Wow. You really do remember things.”
“Go on, aren’t you going to tell me that it’s like a Cancer superpower or something?”
“That could just be a Maeve superpower,” they reply after a moment’s thought. “But I’ll look into it.”
