“And you were with them… sexually and romantically?”
“Yeah, I was… until I wasn’t. We’re still sexual, sometimes, mostly for work. But being with them was when I realised I might be aromantic.”
“Oh,” I say and I can’t figure out if I have a million questions to ask or if I’m way too out of my depth and I should just change the subject.
“But you didn’t want to join in their… private time last night?”
“No, I didn’t.” They yawn again.
“Jesus, would you just take a nap or something,” I say as the vast glass frontage of our hotel appears in front of us and we start walking down the circular driveway in front of the building.
“I would love to, but Miko and Harley are still busy in my room and I really don’t want to interrupt them.”
They’re not hinting. Not at all. They are just exhausted and seem thoroughly depleted with it, although how I would knowthat when I barely know them, I don’t know. All this is to say, it’s only because of how tired they clearly are that I say what I say next.
“Well, would you just come up and have a nap on my spare bed?”
“Oh, Maeve, no. I can’t do that. You need your private time too and I am sure in an hour or two I can go back to the room and it will all be okay and…”
I stop walking just in front of the open doors that lead into the hotel lobby. “Loncey, you look dead on your feet. Even I wouldn’t know where to start with those eyebags. And what exactly am I going to do with my ‘private time’?” I use air quotes. “I’m single, asexual and full of a triple Elvis burger.”
Loncey gives me a quirk of a smile. “Well, single asexual people do still enjoy private time, although I admit,thatkind of private time is the last thing I enjoy on a full stomach.”
A lightness lands in my body and I realise instantly what it is. I don’t have to explain my asexuality to Loncey. They know that asexual people still have sex and masturbate, and they clearly understand there’s a difference between libido and attraction. It’s such a comfort to know where I stand, and to know that I’m not going to get quizzed or misconstrued and I almost want to laugh with the relief of it, but I do everything I can to keep my expression neutral.
“Did I say too much? Did I make you uncomfortable?” Worry creases Loncey’s brow.
“No.” I shake my head and feel my hair move against my upper arms. “But you’ll definitely make me uncomfortable if you refuse my offer of my spare bed for a nap. And for the record, all I will be doing is going through my speech for the keynote tomorrow. That’s how I was planning on spending today’s ‘private time’.”
They yawn yet again. “Well, if you’re sure I’m not intruding.”
“Christ on a bike, no!” I insist and then I grab their hand, for real this time, and yank them into the hotel lobby with me.
*****
“I wish somebody would look at me the way you’re looking at that bed,” I say, watching Loncey’s face as they stand at the foot of my spare queen bed. “You look like you’re about to propose.”
“I’ll propose to you if it means I can fall asleep right now.”
I laugh. “No need, just promise me you don’t sleepwalk.”
“I don’t sleepwalk, no, but sleep-talking and snoring aren’t out of the realm of possibility.”
I roll my eyes as I dump my bag on my bed and reach for a hair band that was on the bedside table. “Just as well I have headphones and after sharing a room with my brother more times than I’d have liked on holiday, considerable experience ignoring noisy sleepers.”
“So no noisy ex-partners?”
I’m momentarily stunned by their question. On one hand, I’m curious in a happy way, flattered almost, that they think I’ve had ex-partners, and this is yet another way that Loncey is not taking my asexuality to mean that I am immune from or unworthy of relationships. But I’m also questioning why they’re asking this. Why do they want to know about my relationship history? What business is it of theirs whether I’ve had ex-boyfriends who were noisy sleepers? And then my mind snags on their choice of words. Partner. They were deliberately using non-gendered language and I like that. I like that because through all my exploration of my sexual and romantic identities, gender is something I’m still not completely clear on.
All this is to say, Loncey has yet again stumped me with a simple question delivered in a completely innocuous and innocent way.
“No long-term ex-partners, full stop,” I say. May as well answer honestly.
If they’re surprised by this, they don’t let it show. And if they have an opinion about it, they don’t reveal it as they kick off their shoes and pick them up so they can place them neatly under the desk that’s opposite the beds.
“You want a shower or something before your sleep?” I offer as I plug my phone in to charge.
“Is it gross if I say no?”
