Now it was Persey’s turn to tell her sister to keep her voice down. ‘People will hear.’
‘Do you know, I don’t care if they do, actually. I’m not doinganything wrong. He’s bought me a couple of drinks and supper once or twice. He talks to me. Actually talks to me. Asks me questions about myself. He’s kind. I like him. And he likes me.’
‘He’s German,’ Persey whispered.
‘So what?’ Dido said angrily. ‘Why does it matter?’
Persey swallowed, her chest tightening. ‘At a time of war, you just can’t. You just can’t be seen with him,’ she said. ‘Because of that.’ She pointed out to sea where the boats had just carted off hundreds of Islanders. ‘Because of what people here will think if you take up with one. And do you know for sure if you can trust him?’
‘It’s not his fault,’ Dido said, standing up. ‘None of this is his fault. The same as Stefan.’
‘What do you mean?’ Persey snapped defensively. She too stood as the row between the sisters escalated.
‘I know how you feel about him,’ Dido said.
‘Don’t talk rot. You can’t possibly.’
Dido was quiet and then: ‘And if I didn’t know already, that just confirmed it. I went into your room to borrow a hat. You left your book on your bed and I went to put it back on your bedside table. I don’t know why. I just did. I opened it at the page you were on. Just to see how horrid Poe really was. Turns out very horrid. But that bookmark.’
‘Shut up,’ Persey said, knowing what her sister was going to say.
‘It’s the note from Stefan.’
‘I told you to shut up,’ Persey said forcefully.
‘It’s not even a love note. Not even anything remotely close to a love note. But the way you were looking at it the other day.’
‘If you don’t shut up I am going to slap you,’ Persey said, fighting back tears and then regretting her words immediately.
Dido moved away. ‘I understand why you didn’t pursue it back then. Although I knew you liked him. I knew he liked you. I wondered back then if it was because he was German. Mrs Grant’shusband had been gassed in the first war. Father had returned from the trenches a different man. And I thought that was the reason why. So I understood why you kept your distance from Stefan then, even though no one else seemed to care he was German. That last summer, he made his intentions towards you very plain indeed, I thought. Or did you think I hadn’t seen him kiss you on the cliffs?’
‘A first crush,’ Persey said. ‘We were too young. He went away and I didn’t know how I felt.’
‘Yes, you did. And you did nothing. And now look at you.’
‘What do you mean?’ Persey asked.
‘When was the last time you let a man take you out for supper?’
Persey looked away.
‘When did you last let a man take you dancing or to see a film? And instead, you pine for a man you won’t let yourself have. I don’t want to die alone, Persey. I don’t want you to either.’
‘Don’t be so melodramatic. I’ve only just turned twenty-seven. Wait for all the men to return from war and you’ll see. They’ll take you dancing. And I’ll let one of the returning British heroes take me dancing, if it pleases you. If we win the war, of course.’
‘And if we don’t win the war? How long after will you ignore how you feel about Stefan?’ Dido demanded. ‘A month? A year? Another ten years? I don’t want to wait that long,’ she cut back in. ‘And you shouldn’t either. I’m sorry. I’m not like you. In some things,’ Dido said meaningfully, ‘you can be very brave. In others, you’re a complete coward.’
Persey opened her mouth to reply, but Dido had already turned and was walking away in the direction of the club.
Persey sat alone for what felt like hours. She closed her eyes, put her head in her hands and let the tears flow. There were only so many things a woman could take, she thought. But then she looked out to sea and remembered that she wasn’t the one who had just been deported. Evacuated, that’s what the Germans had called itin their deportation notice. Evacuated. How dare they? Evacuated from what to what?
And now she’d had an almighty row with Dido.
She wiped her eyes. She’d already elicited attention by fighting in the street like a common alley cat. She couldn’t have the whole of St Peter Port find her crying after the event as well. What had Dido meant? She’d said she wouldn’t be a Jerrybag, but in the same breath had said that she didn’t think she was doing anything wrong. What did that mean? Was she stepping out with this man, whoever he was, or wasn’t she?
Persey hated the ugly term, Jerrybag, that had sprung up. It was a horrific name, berating island women, although the other terms that had been bandied about far more often than they should were perhaps even worse: horizontal collaborator; and troop carrier, for women on the island carrying the babies of German soldiers. Dido wasn’t going to be any of these things. Persey had known it would be inevitable that some women would fall for enemy soldiers, but not her own sister, surely? And not Persey either. What would people think? It was bad enough that Stefan had been living at Deux Tourelles with them, but they had no control over that. She did have control over her emotions. She would not, could not open her heart to him. Not when it could lead to such horrors.
As much as she didn’t want to, Persey understood that Dido was frustrated, wasting her years away in Guernsey. And other women, too. Dido needed love. She always had done. Whereas Persey considered herself different, more … sturdy. She hadn’t really needed love. Had survived without it. Dido had flitted from man to man over the past few years quite happily, without taking any of it too seriously. Persey only hoped she didn’t take this man too seriously either. It would end in heartbreak.
