I still have a couple of hours before I have to get ready for school, and knowing that there’s no chance I can go back to sleep now, I decide to go for a run. I dress in my running gear and quietly make my way downstairs making sure that I step lightly and avoid the spots that I know creak.
I release a relieved breath when I safely make it out of the front door without waking up my mother. I pause to stretch my muscles being careful of my bruised ribs but quickly deciding that although a run is going to cause me pain, the pros far outweigh the cons. I make my way down the short drive and turn left, running past the other run down houses on my street, although none of them are in quite as much disrepair as my own.
My feet pound the pavement and for a while, that's all I hear. No thoughts, no worries and no pain. There is absolute silence and it’s bliss. This is my escape.
I probably shouldn't be running with my ribs still healing, but this is the first time the pain has been tolerable. It’s been an extremely long two days without my escape and I have desperately missed it. I run for forty-five more minutes and after eight miles I arrive back at the house. I use the same caution to enter as I did to leave, entering as quietly as possible.
A quick glance into the living room shows that my mother is still passed out, although now she is cuddling a half empty bottle of vodka to her chest like it’s the most important thing in the world. I guess to her it is.
It’s pitiful really. Surely, she can't have always been like this and I can't help but wonder where it all went wrong for her? What happened to cause her to be this way? I will probably never know the answer to those questions. I run quietly up the stairs and take a quick shower washing offthe sweat that coats my skin from my run.
As I'm stepping out from behind the yellowed shower curtain, my sternum burns with an intense pain that has become familiar to me but seems to last longer than it ever has before. The intensity of it causes me to double over. My sight dims as the pain increases and just as I think I’m going to pass out the pain recedes as quickly as it started.
I rush over to the mirror and stare in shock at the large Imprint Tattoo that rests just below my boobs on my sternum. It measures about ten centimetres in diameter and is by far the biggest one I have ever seen.
I just stare at it.
The large mandala heart is split equally into five separate parts. Each part has its own mandala pattern inside and each one is a different colour. There's a deep forest green, bright sunshine yellow, rich Royal blue, dark maroon red and a dark almost black, purple.
I study it for a few minutes longer almost suspiciously as I try to figure out what it could mean. It gives me a sense of peace and happiness, feelings that I haven’t felt for an extremely long time, if ever. I don't understand. My other two Imprint Tattoos never felt like this, with them I felt a foreboding doom and emotional hurt.
They certainly didn’t comfort me.
This feeling is such a contrast to the emotional turmoil the other two gave me that I just don't know what to do with it. I snap out of my thoughts as soon as I remember that I should be getting ready for school. Quickly running into my room, I pull out some ripped blue denim shorts, a black tank top, lightweight black zip up hoody and black Dr. Martens boots, an immensely lucky find, that I purchased for an amazing price from a local thrift store.
I throw my hair up into a messy bun, apply a layer of foundation to cover up the bruise that's on my cheek and just underneath my eye. It’s still swollen but has gone down a bit since last night. So I’m not too worried that I’ll get any uncomfortable questions. Like I said no-one is close enough to me to notice anyway.
I carefully add eyeliner and a quick swipe of mascara. Grabbing my well-worn backpack as I quickly and quietly make my way out of the front door. Just as I finish pulling the door closed behind me I hear a bottle smash against it from the other side. Well, at least the door was shut this time.
I start the three mile walk to school, damn I miss my car. As soon as I make it through the gates to the drab and boxy looking school, I glance around at all the other students, everyone looks so happy. I frown slightly as I watch the different groups of friends greet each other after a summer apart.
I wish I could have that. I want someone to laugh with, someone to share my secrets with and someone to rely on as well as someone who can rely on me. I shake my head to get rid of those ridiculous thoughts. I can'thave that and the sooner I accept it the better. I'm fine by myself and I’ll continue to tell myself that until I fucking believe it.
I trudge through the throng of students, no-one notices me and no-one says hello. A pang of loneliness hits me in the chest.
Pushing forward I finally make it to my locker, placing in all the books that I don't need until my afternoon classes and shutting it. I reach into my bag for my schedule and study it as I make my way towards my home room.
Easily finding the right classroom I walk in and pretend I’m ignoring everyone when really I’m invisible to them. I take a seat in the back corner. Once I’ve sat down, I take out my pen and notebook and start doodling small pictures of absolute nonsense. I'm in my own little world drawing stick men and spirals, (I never said I could draw) when I hear the chair next to me scrape against the worn floor.
No one ever sits next to me, it’s like social suicide.
Trying to be inconspicuous I peek up at the person out of the corner of my eye. What I see has me involuntarily turning to face him fully so that I can make sure my eyes aren’t deceiving me.
My jaw nearly hits the floor once I get a good look at him.
Heaven help me, he is gorgeous. He's wearing light blue jeans with white hi-tops and even sitting down I can tell that he would easily tower over my own 5’4 frame. I'm guessing he's about 6’1. My eyes travel up over his legs, which he's stretched out under the desk as he leans back in his seat almost as if he’s posing for me.
That’d be ridiculous though right?
I continue my perusal regardless, unable to stop even if I wanted to, I’m committed now. His dark blue shirt is pulled tight across his broad shoulders and hints at a well sculpted figure underneath.
His dark as night hair is styled just long enough that I'd be able to run my hands through it and his strong jaw has a couple of days’ worth of rough stubble peppering it. My eyes continue to trace over his impossibly gorgeous face, and I get sucked into an amazing pair of mischievous deep sapphire blue eyes. I don’t think I have ever seen eyes quite like his.
I can’t seem to pull my eyes away from him, it's then that the corners of his mouth turn up into a small smirk. I instantly snap my attention away from him and back down to my notebook, my cheeks heating with embarrassment. I'm sure I'm as red as a tomato right now, I can't believe I got caught staring at him!
I hear a low chuckle come from beside me, but I refuse to glance back in his direction. I think I've embarrassed myself enough for today thank you very much!
I have to be cautious; I need to remember the lesson I had to learn the hard way. Men are dangerous. A small part of me says that this guy would never hurt me, but right now I'm not willing to take any chances. I’m waiting for the thinly veiled insults and for his chuckle to turn crueland condescending, so it surprises me greatly when he quietly speaks, his deep voice rumbling through me.
