"I know how you feel! Trust me I know. You need to try and think logically, you are about to attack your brother. Take a deep breath and walk away." Kai explains sternly.
I hear Jax do as Kai suggests and takes a deep breath and murmurs a quiet apology to Maverick, whoI feel nod just above my head, and then walks off.The room seems to simultaneously release a sigh of relief.
"Come on Titch, let's get you to bed. You can borrow one of my shirts to sleep in."
The others all mutter quiet good nights giving me brief hugs and smiles. I try to smile back as convincingly as I can but I'm not sure they buy it, Kai in particular gives me a questioning look but I can't look at any of them for too long, too scared to see any jealousy or repulsed looks.How can I like, not just one, but all of them equally and worse how could I lose myself and practically dry hump two of them on two separate occasions in front of the other men I am falling for?
I'm a terrible person, they must hate me!
I know I'm on the verge of breaking down, I just need to make it to my room where I can be alone and I can breakdown in solitude.
Maverick leads me down the hall in silence, self-imposed by me. We stop briefly at his room and as much as I want to look around and see what his personal space is like, I keep my eyes trained on the floor, too ashamed of my actions to indulge in my curiosity.It's hardly going to matter; they'll be thinking of ways to gently distance themselves from me as soon as I'm out of hearing range.He comes back out and hands me a soft faded grey t-shirt. I have the sudden urge to bring it to my nose and inhale deeply. I catch myself just as my hands are lifting.
As we arrive at my room for the night Maverick wraps me in a tight bear hug.
"Sweet dreams Titch. See you in the morning."
I nod slightly and give him a tiny smile. As I’m closing the door, I see a worried expression adorn his features, almost as if he can read my spiralling thoughts.
I wait until I hear his footsteps fade down the hallway and back towards the living room before I quickly strip off my workout clothes, walking past the bed and pulling open one of the doors on the opposite side of them. I get it right the first time and without taking any details in, I stumble towards the shower and turn it up to almost too hot. I step under the spray and start to wash thestress of the last few hours away.Withinminutes my tears are mixing in with the water cascading down the drain.
The years of living with my mother have taught me how to cry silently, and in this moment I’m grateful for that, I don’t want the guys to hear me.With the tears still slowly making tracks down my cheeks, I dry myself carelessly before slipping on Maverick's shirt, inhaling the scent of him.The comfort I feel from the scent of his shirt, makes the guilt churning in my stomach bubble up and a fresh wave of tears overtakes me.
I climb into the large bed, barely able to appreciate the sheer luxuriousness of it compared to my own. My thoughts torture and drown me.My last thought before a nightmare riddled sleep finally takes me, is that I simply can't lose my men.
I wouldn't survive it.
Maverick
Leaving Titch in her room I'm consumed by a sense of foreboding.
Something is incredibly wrong with our Sage.
Walking back into the living room all of the guys are sitting around in what would to an outsider appear to be completely at ease postures.However, I know these men as well as I know myself and it’s easy to tell they're all tense from the small indicators, only someone who really knows them would notice.
Levi’s eyes are tight at the edges, on his otherwise relaxed face.
Hunter’s fists are occasionally tightening before relaxing.
There’s a tightness around Jax's mouth.
Kai's fingers are tapping lightly against his thigh.
"Something is seriously wrong with Titch." I tell them siting down next to Kai.
"What? Why?" Hunter questions worriedly sitting forward.
"I know why." Kai states.
We all look at him expectantly waiting for him to explain.
"Think about it, guys," he looks at us waiting for us to catch on, "she doesn't know what we know.”
“She doesn't know that we’re ok with her having feelings for all of us." I continue on from him, sitting forward in my seat, "from her point of view she's just gotten intimate with two guys from our group in front of the others." I say taking a deep breath. "As far as she's concerned, she's expecting us to be jealous of each other and angry with her. She's probably got the worst scenarios running through her mind at the moment." I scrub my hand down my face hating the kind of things she must be thinking and wanting to fix if immediately.
"How do we fix it? I mean I'm not over the moon tobe witnessing her like that with one of you but I'm not angry, jealous or anything similar.” Hunter explains, and we all nod in agreement.
"The only thing that will fix it, is if we tell her everything. Everything about the book and Soulmates. We could be wrong; she might not have the tattoo and we might just all have feelings for her. Either way I want to move forward, to pursue a relationship with her. We all need to be in agreement though. Are we?"Levi asks, his gaze landing on each of us to judge our reactions to his words for himself.
