I'm about to ask him if he's okay, when I catch movement in the corner of my eye.I turn my head fully and see all of the guys shaking their heads, their eyes begging me not to say anything.It instantly makes me worry even more. I understand though and just like I'm not ready to share certain things about my past, I can respect that they aren't ready to share theirs either.I nod my head in agreement and they each let out a sigh,their postures relaxing.
I watch in rapt fascination as they each dive or jump into the pool.Getting a stunning view of some absolutely gorgeously biteable asses.They start up the usual banter effectively dissipating the awkward tension. I see Jax's shoulders relax and his tense demeanour diminishes completely as Kai tries to dunk him under the water.Taking a deep breath, I turn around and start to lower myself into the pool using the steps attached to the side.
It suddenly goes deathly quiet behind me. Bracing myself, I turn around and see each of them with varying looks of concern and rage etched into their faces.However, I don’t focus on the others for long because the reaction that terrifies and enrages me, is Jax.He has a haunting recognition and a deep rage, swimming in turmoil behind his storming deep blue eyes.He knows on a personal level what it feels like to be scarred.
"I don't want to talk about it, we're supposed to be having fun." I manage, to force out through the rage and heartbreak of realising someone hurt MY Jax.
All I want to do is comfort him, but I have a feeling that's not what he needs right now.The guys all exchange looks and then nod stiffly, returning to what they were doing, although tension still fills the air. My heartbreaks even more for Jax as he unsteadily pulls himself out of the pool and slams his way through the doors and into the rest of the house. I look over towards Kai to see if I should follow him to make sure he's ok.
"He just needs to calm down a bit Beautiful, he'll be ok." Kai says trying to reassure me, but I can see the worry he's trying to keep hidden from me in his eyes.
The guys know him better than I do though, so I trust in Kai and try to enjoy being in a pool for the first time in years, the tension never fully leaves though and Jax doesn't come back.
Jax
I am so fucking nervous; I feel like a little kid again. I hadn't thought it through enough when Kai suggested we take Sage swimming, of course I'd have to take my shirt off. My stupid male brain was only focused on seeing my Little Star in a bikini.
I roll my eyes at myself.
The only people that have seen me with my shirt off in the last few years are the guys, and even that's rare. I try to spare them the sight as much as possible. I wouldn't be able to stand to see the disgust in Sage's eyes if she saw the ragged, uneven and ugly scars that litter my back andchest. It's for that reason that I decide to keep my shirt on and just pray that she doesn't mention it. I'm already falling hard for my Little Star and it would absolutely destroy me to have her look at me with disgust or fear.
Who wouldn't though?
The guys don't, or at least I haven't caught them, looking at me in disgust, but I think they might just be special, they are my chosen family after all. My scars scare people, I learnt that horrifically hard lesson in my late teens and haven't taken my top off in front of anyone but the guys since then.I sigh heavily, my body coiled tight with tension.I pull the door open to go back out to the pool area and Kai greets me as I make my way out, eyeing my shirt.
"She wouldn't care man; they wouldn't affect how she sees you."
I'm closer to Kai than any of the others, although they are all my brothers Kai's my best friend too.He's tried to tell me before that I'm wrong about how people would perceive them, but I just don't seem to be able to truly believe him.
"I j-just can't." I stutter dropping my head to look at the floor.
Kai squeezes my shoulder causing me to look up at him. All I see in his eyes is understanding and acceptance.
"Alright brother, when you're ready.” He nods before going to stand with the other guys.
I don't think I'll ever be ready to show my scars to Sage and risk her looking at me with horror and disgust, I think as I dive into the pool.I surface just as Sage comes out of the changing room.
Holy fuck, I instantly get hard.I'm feeling incredibly grateful that I'm already in the water right now and it's hidden, as I chuckle quietly and glance towards the guys, poor fuckers have the same problem but they’re not in the pool.
She is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful.
Our Soulmate Mark stands out proudly on her sternum and I notice an Imprint Tattoo on her ribs along with the one we've all noticed but haven't asked about on her thigh.Everyone agreed that she'll tell us when she is ready.I see her eyes heat as she takes in the sight of my brothers and I can't help but envy them. I will never have her look at me with heat in her eyes as I stand before her without a shirt, not like she’s looking at them. I can feel the darkness start to creep up on my mind, but I fight it back.
I can't let it consume me again.
Sage starts to look around searching for me and I immediately avert my eyes.
Please don't ask, please don't ask.I chant to myself like a prayer.It's silent for a tense couple of minutes before I hear giant splashes and the guys playfully insulting each other.My shoulders release their tension and I'm suddenly dunked under the water by the dickhead, also known as Kai. I come up spluttering and turn to get my revenge when I notice thateveryone has gone deathly quiet. Glancing at them all concerned, I turn around to see what they are all staring at.
My breathing stops, my fists clench tightly, my short nails digging into my palms from the pressure. My Little Stars back has one giant scar winding its way across it, looking like someone took great pleasure in doing it to her. The Jagged edges of it look incredibly similar to mine, most likely done by a similar weapon. The only difference between her scar and mine is that I have so many more.Her scar makes her even more beautiful to me, a fierce and strong warrior.
My scars are ugly and induce fear and disgust. I know what caused her scar, I know first-hand how it was made.That knowledge enrages me, how could someone hurt her in that way. I can feel her eyes on me, and I know that she can see the recognition in my eyes.I can't hide it though, I'm too busy trying to fight off the darkness that is once again trying to encroach on my mind.
"I don't want to talk about it, we're supposed to be having fun.” Her soft smoky voice rings out.
I exchange a look with the others, but we respect her wishes and let it go. I however cannot fight back the darkness whilst trying to have fun.I pull myself out of the pool and storm through the doors leading into the rest of the house, not caring that I'm dripping water everywhere. I need to fight off this darkness and the only way I know how to do that, is to beat the crap out of a punching bag since the guys are busy looking after Sage and can't spar with me. They all understand though and I'm thankful that we find the same release when our demons decide to haunt us.
As soon as I get to the gym, I tape my hands up to stop my knuckles from splitting and loose myself in the rage, pushing back the darkness bit by bit.
