Jules scoops up Anna and twirls her, laughing, while I keep dancing, this rhythm meant for no one but myself.
Beyoncé becomes my anthem. I grind. I shake. I reclaim. Every beat sinks in a little deeper, filling me up, so when the song ends, I’ll carry this feeling with me.This proof that I don’t need permission to feel good in my own skin. APartitionbetween the past and future.
This liberation? It’s mine.
Jules glances over my shoulder, and I don’t have to turn to know. Ifeelhim. That almost physical sensation of his gaze brushing the base of my neck, trailing heat down my spine.
James leans against the doorframe, ten feet away, and my skin tightens in response. Our eyes meet. A look similar to the one in the kitchen flashes across his face. Undeniable. Scorching hot. Before he looks away, down at the woman beside him, Ivy.
Jules calls out, “Want to join our dance party? The more the merrier. Syd is showing off her moves.”
Ivy hesitates, glancing at James but his eyes are closed. She moves into the room with slow, seductive choreography. James doesn’t follow. When his eyes open, they go straight to me.
And I’m too aware of myself.
The flush on my cheeks. The thin sheen of sweat on my skin. The rise and fall of my chest, too quick, too shallow. Every sway of my hips becomes a prayer.
Jules leans close, her voice a low, calm force. “And maybe someday soon, you’ll tell me why James is looking at you like he’s trying not to drown.”
She spins me, forcing me to face him.
His eyes are heavy-lidded, and I’m mesmerized by the rhythm of his breathing. A small hollow forms at the base of his throat with each inhale, vanishing as he exhales. I count that gentle rise and fall four times when—
“Yes, ladies!” Ivy bumps her hip against mine.
I reach for my phone, swallowing down the heat on my cheeks, switching the music back to lullabies as I take Anna from Jules. My lips press to her head as I inhale the sweet scent of baby soap and dried milk. “Now this is more our speed.”
Jules gives me a knowing look. I will my face to cool because whatever she is trying to decipher, I’m not sure I’m hiding it well. She turns to Ivy, “Come on. Mom asked us to help her with dinner.”
As their footsteps fade down the hallway, the hush that settles in the sunroom is anything but calm. It crackles—electric, alive with everything simmering underneath. I meet his eyes again, and every inch between us feels too loud.
James steps toward me, humming along to the faint lullaby. Each step he takes is measured. His hand hovers near my shoulder, close enough that I feel the heat of it, trembling with the effort not to touch me. He sets a small bag on the chair and steps back. His hand presses lightly to his heart in a quiet, devastating gesture that steals mine.
“That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
And he leaves.
I stand there, my breath caught somewhere between my head and my stomach. Swallowing hard, I reach for the bag. My fingers brush the hard edges of a book cover before I pull it free. A new release I haven’t read yet, but have been dying to get my hands on.
Tucked between the pages is a folded note.
Thought of you when I saw this.
Wanted to make sure you got your Christmas Eve book.
–J
I close my eyes, willing my heart to slow. “Shh, shh,” I murmur to Anna, though she’s already fast asleep.
***
Afterdinner,withAnnaand the older kids in bed, I bundle up and leash Bell for an evening walk under the moonlight. I need the cold air, the quiet. Something to ground me before I can sit on the back deck with the others, another performance of being “fine.”
“Jules, will you keep an eye on Anna?” I hand her the monitor before slipping away, avoiding the eyes of everyone else.
Bell and I meander down the snowy trail behind the house, the path winding deeper into the trees. The evergreens stand tall, their snow-crusted limbs bendingunder the weight of winter. Wind whips through the branches, swirling flakes into the air, biting at my exposed skin. The moon burns bright enough to light my way.
Suddenly, the sharp crunch of snow—
