The rest of the group moves toward the table, leaving Ben and me standing there, just the two of us.
The hum of the restaurant, the clinking of the glasses, and the chatter of people having fun all disappear as Ben stands in front of me, looking like he’s broken inside. There’s a tiredness behind his eyes that wasn’t there before, and it breaks my heart to see him like this.
“Hey,” I whisper, not knowing what else to say.
“Hey,” he echoes. He won’t quite meet my eye, but I catch the flicker of something in his expression. Something that looks like longing mixed with guilt and regret.
I wish I could wrap my arms around him and tell him I don’t need him to be anything more than exactly who he is right now. He doesn’t need to put on a front with me. I’m here for the good times and the bad. If only he’d let me in.
“I’m sorry I’m crashing your night,” he says softly.
I’m not sorry, but something in his expressions holds me back from telling him. My heart splinters a little. He’s stillgrieving, still torn between the past and now, but I also know what I see in his eyes when he finally looks at me again, and it’s the same thing I feel.
I miss you. I still love you.
And right now, that’s all I have to hold onto.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Ben
It’s been a couple of days since I saw Ash in Hope Creek, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. When I walked into Franco’s and saw her sitting across the room, I swear I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. Laney’s words as we stood waiting to be seated echo in my head.
“Are you going to keep pushing her away, Dad? I thought you loved her.”
“Idolove her, Laney, but… it’s complicated.” My voice cracks, and she takes my hand, squeezing it gently.
“It’s complicated becauseyou’remaking it complicated,” she says gently. “Mom died, Dad. And not because of anything you did.Shecan’t find happiness again, butyoucan. You alreadyhave, and you’re throwing it away. You and Ash fought so hard to be together, and now you’re just giving up?”
She’s right. Ash and I did fight to be together, and now it feels like I’m letting her slip away.
Nash also spoke to me that night and asked what was going on. I can’t blame him. He warned me enough times that he’d have no issues kicking my ass if I hurt Ash. I’m surprised it took him that long to come to me. His words cut deep, though. He said he’d never seen Ash like this. She was barely sleeping, barely eating. She was falling apart. He told me to get myself together or walk away and let her move on.
There’s no way I can walk away from this. I have to talk to her. I miss her like crazy. That alone should be enough to tell me what matters. I’ll apologize, beg if I have to. I just hope she’ll hear me out because life without her? It’s not something I can accept. I promised I’d be there when things got hard, and I haven’t lived up to that. Now, I need to make it right. I just hope she still wants me to.
I’ve spentthe last hour trying to focus on some work. I go back to school tomorrow after an extended period of leave, and there’s a mountain of paperwork to catch up on, but my focus is shot. I just want to speak to Ash, and I can’t wait to head to her place the moment she’s done with work. I just wish the day would move a little faster.
Suddenly, an alert sounds on my phone. My heart jumps as I snatch it up, a sense of dread washing over me. It’s the one notification I never want to see.
ALERT:SCHOOL IN LOCKDOWN
I jump up from my seat and rush into the kitchen, grabbing my keys.
“Laney!” I shout, heading toward the entryway. “Laney!”
She rushes down the stairs, her eyes wide with alarm. “What’s wrong?”
“Someone triggered the panic alarm at school. They’ve gone into lockdown,” I say, my voice tight.
Her face drains of color. “What?”
“I need to go,” I tell her, pulling her into a quick hug. “I’ll let you as soon as I know anything.”
“Ash is there, isn’t she?” she asks quietly, fear creeping into her voice.
I nod.
“I’m coming with you,” she says, grabbing her sneakers and slipping them on.
