“I didn’t mean to hurt you… I just panicked.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Panicked?”
He drops his eyes to the floor. “I like you, Ash. I’ve liked you for months.”
My heart skips, but I don’t let it show.
“I never expected any of this to happen. Not with you.” He looks up. “You’re beautiful, and brilliant, and full of life…” He trails off and shakes his head. “Bumping into you at that cooking class. I had such a great night, and then I found I couldn’t stay away.”
I frown, still not understanding.
“And that made you run… why?”
He sighs. “Because I’m older than you. Too old for this to work.”
I wave him off. “You’re not that much older than me.”
“I’m forty-three, Ash. You’re twenty-five, right?”
I nod, a little taken aback. He doesn’t look forty-three. In fact, he doesn’t look much over thirty. I knew he was a little older, and maybe I should be more surprised, but does it matter? It’s just a number. We clicked, and a connection is more important to me than a number.
I walk toward where he’s still perched on my desk, stopping in front of him. “So, who decided you were too old for me? Because the last time I checked, I was able to make my own decisions.”
His eyes search mine, almost cautious, like he’s expecting me to change my mind.
“My age doesn’t bother you?”
“No, Ben. I already knew you were older.” I grin. “Okay, maybe I didn’t have you down as forty-three, but still…”
I trail off, teasing a little, and the laugh that escapes him is exactly the sound I’d missed.
He exhales slowly, his eyes dropping to the floor again before flicking back up to meet mine. He hesitates briefly as if he’s choosing his next words carefully.
“It’s not just the age difference. My life is… complicated, Ash.” His voice is quiet. “There are things I haven’t told you, and not because I don’t want to, but because I don’t know how.”
My heart pounds in my chest. “Okay,” I say slowly. “I don’t need to know everything right now. But I’d rather you be honest with me than pretend you don’t care.”
He lets out a breathy laugh and drags his hand through his hair. “That’s the thing. I do care. More than I should for someone with so much going on.”
I’ve never seen this side of him. He sounds vulnerable, and despite the confusion twisting in my chest, something inside me softens.
“I’m not looking for perfect, Ben. Who is? I just want something real.”
Hope flares in his eyes. “I don’t want to walk away from this, Ash. I don’t want to walk away from you.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Then don’t,” I whisper.
He stands from the desk and steps toward me, still hesitant, as if he’s checking this really is okay. His hand brushes mine before he tangles our fingers together.
“I want to try,” he says. “Even if I’m terrified.”
“Me too.”
He smiles, and I smile back.
My heart is pounding so loudly that I’m sure he can hear it. His words echo in a loop in my mind.I want to try. Even if I’m terrified.
I want to tell him everything will be okay, but the bruised part of me still hurts a little from when he left me in Eden. I’m still wondering what he’s not saying, because I can feel it, whatever he’s holding back. It’s not just an age gap, and whatever it is, it’s clearly weighing on him.
