Jasper’s voice, baritone and soothing, is a surprise, but it has the intended effect. My muscles relax slightly, and I lean towards the sound as I swallow with my dry mouth. I can’t respond—not yet. I’m too busy closing my eyes so the spinning of the room doesn’t make me barf the damn tasty as fuck cupcake all over us.
“KK, I didn’t know you’d take such a big bite so fast. I’m sorry.”
The echo of Salem’s voice sounds far away, but I feel the truth in it. That helps a bit more, and I’m able to unclench my jaw so I don’t ache later on. I blow out a slow breath as I go through mantras in my head one by one, using my exercises to help me undo my trauma response without sliding into a full attack. I know my sweet panda didn’t mean to trigger that, and I’ve eaten the berries happily before, so he couldn’t have realized that in this concentration it would feel similar to a bad thing. It was an error in judgment to let me take the cake after a workout, without giving me the Alice-style instructions first.
“He’s not mad, Salem,” Zav says softly. “This just triggered something, and he’s working it out. It will be okay, right, Kit?”
I think I nod, but I’m uncertain as I push away the memories of swirling rooms and half-remembered words that prefaced the incident that broke my brain. The snippets that come remind me that it felt very different from the effects of crunkleberries, and I need to hang on to that as I come out of the haze. The roofies made me feel heavy and sleepy, confused and unable to move my limbs. These berries feel light and fizzy in my head, and if I weren’t having a panic moment, my body and mouth would move just fine. It’s not the same.
It’s hard to get my stupid brain and primal panic button to agree on that, though.
“Shrimp, you need to open your eyes. Seeing who is here and who isnothere will help you manage the reaction.” The prince’s voice is filled with confidence, and it tells me that at some point, he’s done this. I have no idea what made him have PTSD attacks or be caught in memories that physically hurt, but my gut says he knows what he’s talking about. So, I open my eyes, and my free hand grips the material of his sweatpants as I ground myself.
The world is hazy and trippy, but I see Salem watching me with a sad expression as he bites his lip. It makes me want to hug him and say he’s forgiven, but I can’t yet. Xerxes and Anton are curled together, keeping asharp eye on me and the surrounding space, so I assume they're making sure my magic will not spike. That’s a guess, but since they’re the experts in that arena, I think it’s a solid one. Slash is tense in his seat, his body looking prepped to spring forward and snatch me if need be. I don’t know where he’d take me, but that makes my chest squish a bit. Oriel’s eyes are narrowed, and he’s murmuring something to himself silently—which might be why the bird I’m clutching is exuding warmth against my stomach.
“Now tell yourself that what you see is real and what your mind is seeing is not,” Jasper says. “Get control of one sense so you can slowly regain mastery of the others. It will help you drown out the flashbacks if you replace them with reality.”
Yeah, the prince definitely knows what fucking happens during one of these attacks, and I’m going to kick his ass for being a dick when I had them before.
“Little demon, you are always safe with us. Even when the prince was being a dick, he did not physically harm you. We are your caliphate; you are ours to protect and care for.”
I want to tell Slash he’s edging dangerously close to wording that will trip someone’s wires, but I’m still a bit shaky and haven’t found my voice yet. So I look at him, unclenching my hand from Jasper’s pants, and give him a weak thumbs-up. That makes him chuckle, and I think my lips curve a tiny bit.
“I saw that, KK,” X practically purrs. “You smiled a little, and that means you’re coming back to us. While I’m sure you’d bemuchhappier curled up with Annie and me in positive emotions, you have to admit that Zav and Prince Pricklypants are doing a good job. Your hands didn’t even shake.”
They’re right, and that is pretty amazing. I had to hold on for a few moments while I righted the ship, but I didn’t shake, and I sure as hell didn’t black out. This is progress—real,tremendous progress—and it’s because I’m surrounded by all of them. Maybe there is something to the mysterious things Slash was saying in the pool about purpose and shit? I don’t know, but I’m slowly slipping back into reality without my usual symptoms taking over my entire body and making me a sack of potatoes.
That’s a powerful indicator that getting closer to these guys is a good thing, right?
The universe doesn’t answer my mental question; it never does. I’m left with looking at the anxious demon shifters and raking my lip through my teeth before I croak, “Thank you.”
It’s not a lot of words, but it makes all the guys in front of me look super relieved, and before I know it, a soft, fluffy set of tails appears in front of my face. I’m a little confused why Zav has me hiding in his tails instead of himself, but when I turn my head, the Kitsuné is looking at me shyly. His face is red as he darts forward to press a whisper-soft kiss to my jaw.
“I’m happy to share my hiding spot if it helps you when your emotions are jumbled like mine,” he murmurs, and my jaw drops.
The voice in my ear is rumbly again on the other side of my face as it says, “I can share my Kitsuné if you can keep trying to let me be better. I will fail often, as I frequently do when I stray from my training, but you can tell me when I’m fucking it up. But the loyalty and allegiance my caliphate shows you, Kit Camponella, is something so intense that I fear I could never sway. They are both strong and fragile, which you now hold as much responsibility for as I do.”
I choke as I try to respond to quite possibly the nicest thing Jasper’s ever said to me, and Zav gives me a gentle smile. It seems as though the redheaded hacker also realizes how important that tiny, barely audible speech surrounded by tails is to me and our group. Finally, I’m able to whisper, “I don’t break things, Jasper, even if I’m broken. I think we’re all trying to heal together. As long as you join us, we will be stronger than before the cracks.”
An unexpected, yet soft flutter of lips against my ear makes my whole body light up, and the effects of my attack fade like the sun on the horizon at dusk. I’ve never experienced something that sent the fear and terror packing so quickly, and I turn to look at the prince with wide eyes. “How thefuckdid you do that?”
“Easy,” he says with a smirk. “I may be from the Wrath line, shrimp, but my demon eats and breathes fear. That’s my gift that I keep inside in favor of my shadow dragon; it’s only for the most dire of circumstances.”
Since when the fuck am I ‘the most dire of circumstances’ and when was this confusing asshole going to mention this?
I Don’t Want To Be Here Anymore
Salem
Whistling to myself, I finish whipping up the breakfast for Kat before I head to theTricliniumwith the guys. She’s staying in the room again today, but since we’ve all got entirely unmissable classes because of fucking Darkstar and that asshole Major, we have to leave her in Dottie’s care. I don’t like it, but given yesterday’s nonsense, even Jasper had to relent. Kat has a note from the scary doc; we do not. But we can make certain she’s okay by keeping in touch with texts, and Slash will head right back here during his two-hour free block to take his turn on KK duty.
It’s only two hours, Salem; get a grip.
My brain is trying to convince my heart and the fear in the pit of my gut, but it’s not doing so hot. After our little bonding sesh last night, it finally feels like we might all be on the same team—for real—and I don’t want some dumbass to fuck it up. By the time she nodded off from tiny bites of my tasty berry cakes and exhaustion last night, my girl was actually smiling, and so was the pissy prince. That’s sort of a miracle, and I refuse to sit idly by until it’s a common occurrence, not an occasional one.
“Salem, you didn’t have to get up early to do this,” Kat says on a yawn as she pads out of her room with Dottie in tow. The small animal scampers over, climbs the stools and perches on the counter as she waits for her breakfast. “Man, you’ve spoiledbothof us.”
Grinning, I shrug as I lick my fingers. “I aim to please, Firecracker.”
