Anything that gets me more time with you.
“Great, stop by my house in the morning and we’ll drive together.”
They hugged once more, and Rory headed home. Tears filled his eyes. He’d wanted to kiss Bernard only moments ago, but that was a mistake. Bernard wanted someone else. He wiped away the tears.
I can’t come out now. The only person I want to be with doesn’t want to be with me.
Rory entered his apartment, and Mina made her way to his shoulder.
“Hey, baby girl.” He petted her. “I had a wonderful evening that showed me I’m attracted to my best friend. But he wants nothing more than to be friends with me.” It felt good to say it out loud even if it was just to his cat.
Rory busied himself with cleaning his apartment. Mina hid from the vacuum cleaner.
“There, all clean,” he told her.
He prepared for bed and lay there after he read his Bible.
“Dear Lord, please guide me,” he prayed. “Why am I attracted to someone I can’t be with? Why can’t I find a woman I’m attracted to? I can’t give in to these urges. It’s a sin in your eyes and in the eyes of my family. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.”
For the first time in years, Rory cried. He lay in bed, unable to sleep. His body hurt. His heart hurt. Why couldn’t he have the same feelings for a woman as he did for Bernard? Every moment with him was bliss. He stared at the ceiling, contemplating what these feelings meant. He wanted nothing more than to talk to Bernard about it. Bernard wouldn’t judge him. But if he told him, then it might become awkward.
Rory’s mind wandered to a life with Bernard. His hugs were a sanctuary. He felt vulnerable and open. That must be what love is. But that’s not what Bernard wanted. He had to face the fact Bernard didn’t want him.
Chapter Thirteen
Bernard
Saturday, May 30
BERNARD RUMMAGED THROUGHhis closet for something to wear. He’d only been to a few games and never bought any merchandise, so he settled on a polo shirt and shorts.
“Okay, Ginger. You’re staying with Sarah while I’m at the ball game with Sean.”
Ginger barked.
“It’ll be fine. Chester will be there. You can play with him.”
Bernard knocked on Sarah’s door. Kelly opened it.
“Hey, Kelly.”
“Oh, is this Ginger?” Kelly bent down and petted the dog. “She’s so cute.”
“Yes, this is Ginger.”
“Well, she’ll have a great time with Chester.”
“Is Sarah here?”
“No, she and John went to the store to get some supplies or something. She left in a bit of a hurry.”
“Well, I’m glad you were here,” Bernard said.
“Me too.”
“I’ll be back tonight to pick her up.” They shook hands and Bernard walked back to his car.
Sarah had clearly engineered this interaction. She was so determined that he date someone. He’d have to talk to her again about his lack of interest in pursuing Kelly. He might be ready to find someone, but Kelly wasn’t.
