“That’s how it has to be,” Rory said. “There is no other choice.”
“There’s always a choice. You make the choice.”
“No, God makes the choice. I would rather live a life of solitude than live in sin and destroy my relationship with God.” Rory found his conviction. His feelings for Bernard could never flourish. He had to fight the unnatural urges that boiled inside him.
“You have to look within yourself and ask yourself what God truly wants of you, not what you’re told he wants,” Duncan said. “I saw how you looked at Eddie at Penelope’s party. It was the same look I had when I saw an attractive woman.”
“What?”
“You two were getting along so well. I just thought…”
“I thought you meant for me to set him up with Bernard.” Rory was mystified.
“No.”
Rory’s head swam. Duncan was trying to set him up with Eddie. That wasn’t possible. Why would he think something like that?
“I can’t…I can’t be…you know. I can’t disappoint Mother and Father.”
“You can’t live your life just for them,” Duncan said.
“You couldn’t possibly understand.” Rory stood, panic filling his lungs with lead. “Mother and Father don’t question you. You have a wife and daughter and a career, and I’m treated like every choice I make is wrong.”
“That’s not my fault.” Duncan stood to match him.
“I’m not saying it’s your fault,” Rory said. “But you don’t know what it’s like to hear ‘you’re too fat,’ ‘why is college taking you so long,’ ‘why aren’t you dating that sweet girl we set you up with?’” He mocked his mother’s voice. “I have to hear that from Mother every other day. There’s always something wrong. What do you think will happen if she finds out…”
“If she finds out what?” Duncan asked. “It’s okay to say it.”
“I’m afraid of being disowned.” Rory broke. The sentence drove a stake through his heart. Tears formed in his eyes. He wobbled on his feet, unable to find the bench.
Duncan rushed to him and placed an arm around him to steady him.
“I’m sorry, Rory. I didn’t mean to push this much.”
“I can’t be…I can’t be.” Rory’s throat closed up.
“Just breathe. It’s going to be okay.”
Rory’s breaths were shallow as he searched for the words. The park blurred as tears clouded his vision. He could make out his father and Mr. Jenkins talking. They were getting closer. They reached him and Duncan at the bench.
“What’s wrong?” His father and Duncan helped Rory up on the bench.
“I’m. Okay.” Rory got out between panicked breaths.
“What happened?” Mr. Jenkins stood next to his father.
“Rory wasn’t feeling well. I think he was just overwhelmed by everything going on. It was probably the pressure of the new job. I think it passed,” Duncan said.
Rory gave his brother a weak smile. He’d keep this conversation between them.
“Son, is everything okay?” his father asked.
“I just need to lie down,” Rory said.
They helped Rory back to the house.
“Oh dear, what happened to Rory?” his mother asked as they shuffled into the house.
