He turned to see Sarah with a raised eyebrow.
“What?” Bernard said.
“You and I both know he isn’t totally straight. I knew you weren’t when we were in high school.”
“I guess I take people at their word,” Bernard said. “If he thinks he’s straight, then he’s straight. But you’re right. He has feelings for men, but I’m not sure about women.”
“He’s thirty-five and has never had a girlfriend. I think he’d have found someone.”
“What if he doesn’t have sexual attraction at all?”
“That’s possible,” Sarah said. “John’s sister Emily is like that. I believe she used the term asexual. She says she’s not sexually attracted to most people. She’s married, but I don’t know if they have sex.” Sarah shrugged. “That’s obviously too personal for me to know.”
“She was a bridesmaid, right? The tall brunette?”
“Yes, and she met her husband at our wedding. She married Chris.”
“Chris North, one of John’s groomsmen?”
“Yeah, they hit it off and started dating.”
“I think I got an invitation to their wedding. I couldn’t go because…”
The memory flooded back. In the hospital. He’d drunk too much and was rushed to the hospital. He was there overnight and spent the next few days recovering. Tracy did that to him. The hurt he endured always came back to Jason or Tracy. He allowed them to control his life.
“You don’t have to say it.”
“That’s amazing. Why couldn’t I meet someone at your wedding?”
“Well, you would have met Kelly, but he wasn’t able to make it.”
Bernard suspected the scars on his body were the reason. Those scars came from someone he was dating, but he didn’t push Kelly for information. That was Kelly’s story to tell when he was ready, not his to pry into.
*
AFTER A LONGday at work, Bernard dropped Sarah off and made it home.
He grabbed Ginger and met Kelly for their evening playdate.
“Hey, Bernard,” Kelly said. “Why the long face?”
“I think I screwed up.”
“What happened?”
Bernard retold the story of the previous day. Every time he replayed it, he noticed Rory’s responses to what he said. There were clues. Rory might have feelings for him, but he didn’t know how to find out.
“Well.” Kelly tapped a finger on his lips. “I think it’s what we’ve been talking about. You and Rory have feelings for each other, but neither of you knows how to proceed.”
“That’s what Sarah said too.”
“He’s been told his whole life that being gay is a sin, and that he’s supposed to be with a woman. Now that he has feelings for you, he isn’t sure if those feelings are real or just lust.”
“I’m going to give him space and let him reach out to me when he’s ready to talk again.”
Bernard hoped Rory would reach out. Even if nothing romantic happened, he didn’t want to lose his friend again. He enjoyed the time they spent together. He needed that friendship.
“I’m sure he’ll come around.”
