I was grateful for Lauren’s company because I was distracted and exhausted. But she kept us busy, and she made sure we had fun. And when she joined us for dinner, it made the house seem a little less empty.
“Time for bed,” I told Sophia.
“I’m going to run a quick errand, and then I’ll be back,” Lauren said to me before hugging Sophia and wishing her sweet dreams.
I helped Sophia get ready for bed, and when she climbed between the covers, she asked, “What three things are you grateful for today?”
“You, Lauren, and—” I wanted to say Saltine crackers, but instead, I said, “Mermaids.”
“Mermaids?” She giggled.
“Yeah. Because they always seem to make you smile. All right.” I tucked the blanket around her. “What three things are you grateful for today?”
“Hmm. You, our swimming pool, and… Hey, will you tell me the bedtime story about the beautiful mermaid princess?”
I furrowed my brow, trying to figure out which story she was referring to. “I’m not sure I know that one. You want to show me?”
“No. It’s not in a book. It’s one Preston made up. It’s my favorite.”
“Well,” I said, scrambling to come up with something that might appease her instead. “How about the story of the dragon queen?”
“No.” Her lip began to quiver. “I want to hear the beautiful mermaid princess story.”
“Well, I don’t know it,” I sighed, feeling like Preston could comfort my child better than I could.
Without him, I felt lost. And I had no idea what I was going to do when school started next week and my vacation was over. It wasn’t just about his role in Sophia’s life, but his role in mine. He grounded me, kept me sane, made me feel like the confident, successful woman I wanted to be.
Without him, I felt like a shell of myself. Without him, it felt like our family was incomplete.
And being in this house—where everything reminded me of him—was going to drive me insane. Lauren wanted to decorate the nursery; I wanted to move. Because when I padded across the rug in the living room, I felt his hands on my skin. When I sat by the pool, I remembered the feel of his lips on mine, savoring that moment in the hammock. When I lay in bed at night, his scent lingered on my pillow. And when I woke up in the morning… I remembered that he was gone.
“Mommy, are you okay?”
I sniffled, not even realizing I was crying until I touched my cheeks and found them wet with tears. “I’m fine.”
She peered up at me with her wide, blue eyes. “It’s okay if you miss Preston. I do too.”
I pulled her into me, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. “He was pretty awesome, wasn’t he?”
“He was…the best.” I could hear the smile in her voice as she yawned. “I miss his pancakes.”
I missed everything about him.
I’d made a huge mistake, and the more I thought back on our relationship, on my actions, the worse I felt. How many times had I pushed him away? How many times had I placed a greater emphasis on appearances than his feelings?
At this point, I was pretty sure I was the one who needed to apologize—for not hearing him out. Not giving him a chance to tell his side of the story. Looking back on it now, I realized that both the night Sophia had broken her arm and the day of the party, I’d jumped to conclusions. I’d shut him down because I was scared.
“Maybe we can try to make some in the morning.” I kissed the top of her head. “Happy dreams, baby girl. I love you.”
“Sleep well, Mommy. I love you too.”
I switched off the light, and when I reached the door, Sophia said, “Wait. I forgot to say my third thing.”
“What is it?” I whispered, knowing she’d never go to bed without telling me.
“Preston.” She yawned. “I’m thankful for Preston.”
Me too,I thought, grateful it was too dark for her to see my tears.
