“Maybe that’s what you should ask him for,” she said with a far-off gaze.
“What?” I frowned, not entirely certain I followed. Surely she wasn’t suggesting—
“Sex.”
I started coughing, choking hard enough to warrant the attention of people sitting nearby. I smiled brightly and was tempted to hide my face behind my hands.
“He did tell you he’d give you whatever you wanted—”
“Yes, but—”
“And you did say you were trying to be more fearless,” she finished.
I had said that, hadn’t I?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized just how right Brie was. I wasn’t going to ask Xander to have sex with me, though I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d really follow through on his promise of “whatever you want.”
Chapter Five
“Hey, Ma,” I said as I crossed the backyard. She was crouched down in the grass, attempting to photograph some of her flowers.
She lowered her camera and smiled up at me, shielding her eyes from the sun. “Alexander, sweetheart. How are you?”
“Not too bad. You?”
She pushed herself off the ground with a groan, her knees cracking in the process. “I’ve been better, and I’ve been worse. Tell me what’s been going on with you. How are your classes?”
“Good,” I said, relieved she hadn’t asked about my exhibition or my art. Both of which were decidedly not “good.” “I like working with the students more than I expected. They give me a fresh perspective.”
“That’s great. It’s always good to see things through a new lens.” Ma was a professional photographer. I always enjoyed talking about art with her, knowing that she’d introduced me to my first—and only—love.
“How are you feeling? How are the pieces coming along? I’m so proud of you.” She squeezed my arm, and I shifted, hoping to ease the tightness in my chest.
“I, um—”
“Xander is being very secretive about these pieces,” Theo interjected, joining us. “He won’t even let me see them.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek.
Probably because they don’t exist,I thought, though I appreciated the fact that he’d covered for me. If Ma found out I was struggling, she’d want to delve into my feelings and analyze my personality, and I wasn’t sure I could handle being dissected like that. Not when I already felt so raw.
“I’m sure they’ll be amazing.” She grinned, then returned her attention to the flowers.
“Can you give me a hand with dinner?” Theo asked me.
It wasn’t until Theo and I were alone in the kitchen that he broached the subject of my exhibition. “Did you call Martine or another model?”
Kate’s face came to mind. Those wide, innocent eyes. The dimple in her cheek. The way her flaxen hair swirled around her.
“I have someone in mind.” I busied myself with removing ingredients from the fridge, unable to face him.
“Don’t have someone in mind—have them posing in your studio. We don’t have time to mess around.”
I wondered if he was trying to use the pressure of the looming deadline to spur me into action. I’d always worked well under pressure, at least before…before I’d nearly skied into a tree. Before I’d broken both bones in my wrist. Before I’d spent weeks in a cast and months after that in physical therapy all in an attempt to recover something I wasn’t sure could even be reclaimed.
“I know. But she’s—”
“Married? Younger? Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll find some way to persuade her. You always do.”
I wished I shared his confidence. If I’d asked almost any other woman on campus, I was pretty sure they would’ve leaped at the chance to model for me—experienced or not. But not Kate. No. She’d actually turned me down. It was something I wasn’t accustomed to—being told no. And the fact that she had only made her all the more appealing.
