“Whoa. Are you reading something other than an ops guide?”
I set the book aside, realizing that the sun was setting. When had that happened? I’d heard him come home, but I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten. I flipped on the bedside lamp, ignoring his question.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“You’re coming out with us tonight, right?”
I didn’t want to go out, not when I was still limping around. It only drew more attention to me and my injury.
I shook my head. “Nah. I think I’m going to sit this one out.”
“That’s what you said last week. No more excuses.” He turned for the door, but I didn’t move.
He returned and pulled out the chair from my desk and took a seat on it. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Come on.” He nudged my foot with his. “You and I both know that’s a lie. And we always swore we’d be honest with each other. Is it your dad? Did he try reaching out to you again?”
I shook my head and blew out a breath. Decker was one of the few people who knew about my dad, but that wasn’t it. “I’m just tired, okay? Physical therapy was grueling.”
“So…there’s nothing else going on?” he asked.
“Nope.” I popped the letter “p.”
He eyed me for a moment as if he didn’t quite believe me, but I didn’t crack. I didn’t want to talk about my feelings. I didn’t want to talk about my injury. I didn’t want to talk about the fact that Mark was right—the mission had fucked with my head.
“Katie will be there.”
“Even more reason not to go,” I muttered. Though I’d apologized, I had acted like an asshole. And I knew if I went, we’d both drink too much and end up back in bed again.
He huffed, and I sensed he had more to say. Decker had been surly lately, withdrawn and moody. I didn’t know what his deal was, but I was glad when he stood, returning the chair to the desk. “Suit yourself.”
I ordered some takeout and opened my book again. I was almost more irritated with him for interrupting my reading than anything else. A snowstorm had just descended on Tracey and Ace in Alaska, and I needed to know what was going to happen.
I read while I ate, and I stayed up way too late just to finish the book. When I finally made it to the last page, it felt as if I’d run the emotional gauntlet. I’d never felt so connected to the characters, as if they were my friends. And Ineededto talk to someone who had read it.
I unplugged my phone from the charger and navigated to the internet browser. There was only one person I knew who might understand what I was feeling. And she thought I was an arrogant—strike that, asshole, according to her—SEAL who hated reading.
Her scorn was deserved, yet I felt the need to defend myself. To prove her wrong, even if only in part. Because she was right—I had been an asshole to her. But in my defense, I’d been upset after my conversation with Mark and Liam. Still, I shouldn’t have taken it out on her. She didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. No one did. I wasn’t a bully, and I sure as hell didn’t want to end up like my father.
I scrubbed my hand over my head, the short hairs bristling against my skin. In a way, it was comforting as I debated what to say to her. How to apologize.
Dear Olivia, I typed. I figured that using her name might be a good place to start.
Thank you for your latest missive. It was…enlightening, to say the least. I owe you an apology. Though it’s no excuse for my treatment of you, I’d had a difficult day. A difficult month.
I couldn’t believe I was going to confess all of that to her, but I figured I may as well lay it all on the line. I’d enjoyed the book, and I wanted to talk to her.
So, if you’re amenable,I continued typing. I’d like a do-over.
Sincerely,
Connor
PS: Can you believe Tracey nearly died in that snowstorm? That would’ve been evil.
I read it again, let out a deep sigh, and hit send. Considering how late it was, I wasn’t expecting a response anytime soon, if ever. I’d been a jerk to her, but she’d earned my respect by standing up to me. It was as if I’d been testing her without realizing it, and she’d passed. I only hoped she’d give me another chance.
