“Oh, um,” I moved left, and so did he, continuing our awkward dance. “Sorry.”
I was so caught off guard—by Nico’s email, by this man—that I couldn’t think straight. I moved right, and then finally, he brushed past me, careful not to so much as glance my direction.
“Excuse me.” Jonathan’s tone was brusque.
Was it really just a few days ago that he’d been eating me out, fucking me on every surface in the hotel room? And now he couldn’t seem to bear the sight of me. I understood his reasons, but that didn’t mean I liked them. Didn’t erase the hurt. I missed our conversations. I missed his laughter. I missedhim.
When I reached the conference room, I sank into an empty chair, busying myself with work. At least Nico was a good distraction for the moment. What the hell did he want anyway? And why did I even care?
Thinking about Nico only reminded me how naïve I’d been, how naïve I still was, when it came to men. Why did I keep falling for the same kind of guy—older, accomplished, emotionally unavailable? I mean, didn’t it say something that I kept picking men I could only ever have a secret relationship with?
I’d dated Nico in secret for a little over a year, but I was finding it more difficult to hide my feelings around Jonathan. I’d done my best to remain professional and polite, to act as if nothing had happened. But it was exhausting, and I didn’t know how I could maintain this act for the rest of the summer.
The seats around me filled in, and I deleted Nico’s email just as Jack kicked off the meeting. I tried to focus on the presentation, but my mind was elsewhere. And when Jonathan opened the door, slipping into an empty chair near the front, I swallowed hard then quickly glanced away.
My phone vibrated with an incoming text. I snuck a glance at the screen, careful to keep it concealed beneath the table.
Piper: Party tonight. Klaus’s yacht.
My gut reaction was to tell her I was busy, but part of me wanted to go out. Wanted to let loose and have fun. To forget about Jonathan and flirt with guys my own age. Guys who would be proud to date me, not try to pretend I didn’t exist. Maybe a party on Klaus’s yacht was just the thing I needed.
Wasn’t that what twenty-three-year-olds did on a Friday night?
Even if he didn’t admit it, I knew part of the reason Jonathan didn’t want to be with me because I was too young, too…whatever. I glanced over at him, taking the opportunity to watch him while his focus was on the speaker. His profile was as painfully gorgeous as I remembered—kissable lips, scruff that tickled in all the right places, and those eyes. Blue eyes as endless as the ocean, and just as deep and mysterious.
He didn’t look at me, didn’t even acknowledge my presence. This was how it had been since we’d returned. He avoided me, wouldn’t meet my eyes, was cordial and cold. It was even worse now that I knew how it could be. How affectionate and warm he could be, but also how rough and demanding. And I wanted it all. I wanted the Jonathan I’d seen in New York. The man who took what he wanted. The man wholived.Not this shell of a man who seemed burdened by guilt and regrets.
I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath. This was so fucked up.
I let my breath out slowly, returning my attention to my phone. Maybe it really was time to let go. I’d fulfilled my fantasy. And it could never be anything more.
Me: Count me in.
Piper: Awesome. I’ll send you the deets.
I returned my attention to Jack, grateful that he seemed to be wrapping up. When the meeting was adjourned, I pushed out my seat, gathering my things. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jack approach.
“Hey, Sumner.” He leaned against the conference table.
“Hey.” I kept my attention on my bag, eager to leave.
“A group of us are going out for drinks after work. Want to join?”
“Thanks, but I can’t.” I held up my phone and grinned, wondering if it looked more like a grimace. “I have plans.”
Even without looking, I could feel Jonathan’s glare searing me from across the room. I had the fleeting thought that maybe he was jealous, and then it was gone. Of course he wasn’t jealous. And even if he was, he had no right to be.
“Maybe next time, then.” Jack’s expression was hopeful, and I tried to imagine myself saying yes. Tried to imagine what it would be like to go out with him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t picture myself with anyone but Jonathan.
By the time I met Piper at the dock, the party was already in full swing. Music streamed through the boat’s speakers, guests dotting the decks on both levels.
“I’m so glad you could finally make time for me in your busy schedule,” Piper teased, air-kissing my cheek. She linked her arm through mine, and we proceeded toward the yacht, where a security guard checked our IDs, marking us off on a list.
“How sick is this?” she asked, staring up at the vessel. It was pretty nuts. I smiled, excitement replacing some of my earlier dread.
We boarded the yacht, and Piper gripped my arm tighter. “Oh. My. God,” she hissed. “Is that Stellan Mclane?”
“Who?” I frowned.
