Somehow, everyone had it wrong about Jasper. And I was grateful that he’d let me see the real him. A man who was gentle and passionate and nurturing. A man who stood by me in life’s difficult moments and loved me through them.
If there was one thing Jasper had taught me, it was to ground myself in the present. And I knew that mindfulness and physical touch helped him when he was feeling anxious.
I stood, tugging on his hand. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?” he asked, standing.
“To bed.” I pulled him toward my room. “Stay with me tonight. I don’t want to be alone tonight, and I don’t think you do either.”
He followed me to my room, and we undressed each other slowly, taking our time. There was nothing rushed or hurried about our movements as we explored each other, acting as if it were the first time. In some ways, it felt like a revelation. A new discovery. Because the more time I spent with Jasper, the harder I fell.
“All right, Mom,”the hospital admin said, “we have some paperwork for you.”
“Sure,” I said. “Whatever you need.”
Kai was sitting on the hospital bed watching TV while I spoke with the nurses and staff. We reviewed his health history and my insurance info, along with all the other basic stuff like the risks and outcomes. It was daunting, but I was trying to remain positive and calm for Kai.
“Just sign here,” she said, and I did. “And then yourestimated co-pay is $250. Of course, the doctors and anesthesiologists might bill your insurance separately, and then you’ll have to pay that as well.”
“Right,” I said, handing her my credit card. “Thanks.”
I was grateful my portion was only $250. If I hadn’t had such good health insurance, I’d be paying a heck of a lot more. It wasn’t something I took for granted.
She handed my card back to me. “One of the nurses will be in soon to place his IV. Until then, hit the call button if you need anything.”
I thanked her then joined Kai on the bed, holding him close. He cuddled the stuffed dog Jasper had given him during his birthday weekend, and we waited. Jasper texted every so often to check in, and he and Kai sent funny memes back and forth. Jasper might not be here, but his presence and love were very much felt by Kai and me.
After the nurses came, things started to move quickly. Before I knew it, Kai was being rolled back to the operating room, and I was a nervous wreck.
I breathed in deeply.I am strong.I exhaled slowly.It will be okay.Then I repeated it again.
“Okay, sweetie.” I kissed Kai’s cheek, trying to remain upbeat even as the bridge of my nose stung. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay, Mum.” He was already half asleep as the nurse assured me they’d take good care of him.
I returned to his room, swiping away a tear. Before I could even send a quick update to Craig and Zara, I saw a message from Alexis.
Alexis: I’m showing some houses near the hospital. Let me know if you want company.
Another tear sliddown my cheek. Alexis and I hadn’t known each other long, but she’d become a good friend in a short amount of time.
Me: Thanks. You’re the best.
I sentan update to Craig and Zara before opening my messages with Jasper.
Me: They just took Kai back to the OR.
Jasper: I’m thinking about him. Call me if you need to talk. I love you.
Me: Thanks. I love you too.
I openedmy laptop and logged on, but then I just stared at the screen. As much as I wanted answers, I was scared of what the doctors would find. And I hoped that Kai would do well with the anesthesia.
My phone buzzed.Mom.She was asking to video chat.
“Hey, Mom,” I said, answering the call. “They took Kai back a little while ago. How are you?”
“Dad and I just wanted to call and let you know that we’re thinking about you. Both of you.”
