“So,” Alexis said as we entered the backyard of a cute bungalow just as the sun was setting. “What do you think?”
We’d spent the day house hunting, and this one met all my criteria. It was in my price range. It was located in a good school district. And it didn’t need too many repairs. On paper, it was a perfect fit. Yet something felt off.
I knew it wasn’t the house but me. After my argument with Jasper, I couldn’t stop thinking about the things he’d said.
Move in with me.
I thought we were building a life together.
All night, his words, the hurt in his eyes, had played through my mind on a loop. I toyed with my dragonfly necklace, my thoughts on him. On the things I’d said to him. I felt awful about it, especially after everything he’d done to love and support me.
“Halle?” Alexis asked. “Are you okay?”
“I—” I sank down on one of the outdoor lawn chairs to steady myself. “I—” Ishook my head.
I hadn’t slept well. I’d barely eaten all day. And I didn’t know what to think or where Jasper and I went from here.
I didn’t know how to fix this. And I desperately wanted to fix it.
Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured Jasper’s face. The hurt when I’d blurted the stupidest words I could’ve said.I can’t give up everything I built for a man.
I wished I could take it back. It wasn’t how I felt.
Jasper wasn’t asking me to give up everything. Deep down, I knew that. I knew that he’d been nothing but loving and supportive and patient.
God, had the man been patient. And I’d been so focused on our problems and my fears that I’d continually shut down his solutions. Worst of all, I’d hurt him. I’d made him feel as if I didn’t want the same things as him, when I did.
I wanted to share a life together—holidays, families, all of it. But I’d freaked out. I’d said the worst possible thing. And now, I couldn’t take back the words I’d said, even though I knew they were wrong. They didn’t reflect how I felt about him or our relationship.
“Come on,” Alexis said. “You look like you could use a drink, and there’s a cute wine bar just down the street.” She indicated that direction.
I nodded.
She held out her hand. I placed my hand in hers and stood.
“I don’t want to keep you from your family,” I said as she locked up.
“Sophia is spending the night at Brooklyn’s. And Blair, Cecilia, and Preston are having a dadurday.”
“Dadurday?” I laughed. “What’s that?”
“Daddy-daughter Saturday,” she said.
“Sounds fun. He seems like a really involved dad.”
“He is.” She smiled. “He always wanted to be a dad.”
“My exthoughthe always wanted to be a dad. But he really just wanted to say he was a father. He didn’t want to do the work of being a parent. At least, not until more recently.”
“Mm.” She nodded. “Sounds a lot like my ex, Sophia’s father. Though he’s still not very involved.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize Preston wasn’t…”
“He’s been a father to Sophia in every way that matters,” she said, running a hand through her hair. “But no. He’s not her biological father. For many years, I was a single working mom like you. I thought I had to do it all, be it all. I loved my job, and I loved my daughter. But I was exhausted.”
“Yes.” I dropped my shoulders, feeling relief and acceptance. “I am exhausted.”
And part of it was my own damn fault. Keeping this secret was exhausting.
