But also, why was I torturing myself? This couldn’t lead anywhere, but something about being trapped in this stairwell made it easier to ignore that. It had me forgetting about my job, the company, everyone who was relying on me. It was just Jasper and me.
He gave me a look. “You know why.”
“I want to hear you say it.” My voice was breathy, my heart fluttering madly.
He arched an eyebrow, challenging me. “You sure about that?”
Yes. No. Ugh.I’d never been so torn between doing what I wanted and what was right.
Nothing felt “right” anymore. Trying to be professionalwith Jasper felt stiff and unnatural. Keeping him at arm’s length was even worse. Wanting him was the only thing that made sense, and yet…it was the one thing that wasn’t an option.
“Halle?” he asked, closing the remaining distance between us until I was backed into a corner—both literally and figuratively.
I was so tired. Tired of shouldering all the responsibility. Tired of doing the right thing. Tired of denying myself the one person who could give me comfort.
Getting trapped with Jasper in the stairwell had reminded me of how happy I’d been. How supported I’d felt. It might have been a fling, and yet I’d never had a partner who had made me feel more seen—in or out of the bedroom.
Last summer when he’d been in London, he’d always make sure to have a coffee waiting for me at the office. He’d not only listened to my opinion but sought it out on matters that affected the company. And he’d worshipped my body, always putting my wants and needs before his own.
My body said to go for it. My heart said to be careful. Since moving to LA, I’d been listening to my brain, but maybe it was time to start trusting my gut like Jasper had suggested.
So instead of fighting it like I usually would, I said, “Yes.” The word was a wisp of air, a promise, a plea.
He smelled so good. Like almond extract and vanilla and…bourbon. It was somehow both light and masculine. And it reminded me of all the times in the past I’d been in his arms, in his bed.
“What happened to being professional?” he asked.
I’d been fooling myself all along.
I sighed. “I’m not sure I know how to do that with you. Not anymore anyway.”
“Meaning?” His voice was gravelly, and I could feel the heat radiating off his body.
I was so tired of being professional. Of pretending I felt nothing for him when he made me feeleverything.
He was going to make me say it, wasn’t he?
“I’m so tired of fighting this.” I dropped my head to my chest, feeling defeated.
He shuffled even closer, his shoes coming into view. “And I don’t want what we had last summer.”
My heart went into a free fall, my stomach swooping. How had I so misread the situation?
But then his hand was beneath my chin, lifting. “You said you weren’t in the best place mentally. I don’t want to be an escape or a regret.”
“What?” I gasped. “No. I could never regret our time together. Is that what you think?”
He studied me intently, his eyes searching mine, as if seeking the truth. I hated that I’d ever made him question how I felt about him.
“Jasper.” I placed my hands on his cheeks, desperate to reassure him. Even if this didn’t go any further, I needed him to know. “You were the one thing that kept me going. The one thing that got me through.”
How could I regret the only thing that had kept me sane when my world had been spinning apart?
“What do you want from me, Halle?” I could hear the anguish in his voice, and it gutted me. Because I felt it too. I felt torn between doing what was best for everyone else and what was right for me. “Because I’ve been here, waiting for you.”
The bridge of my nose stung, and I hadn’t realized how badly I’d been holding on to hope. I’d told myself time and again that we were over. Done. But after all this time apart, his words were a balm to my soul.
“And I will keep waiting for you if that’s what you need.” He rested his forehead against mine, one hand curling around the curve of my waist. “But I don’t want what we had before. I want to know that you’re all in.”
