I manage a fake smile and nod before holding my textbooks to my chest and slipping out the door. The cold breeze rushes over my skin, and I shiver. The dark clouds looming above me match how I feel inside.
Dark and heavy.
My heart aches for what was—for what I lost, and what I'll never get back.
I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves as anxiety shoots through me at the mention of the Dean. What could he possibly want from me? He couldn't know what happened. He probably just wants to check if I'm feeling better. All I know is I'm not going. If I can avoid him—and his sons—I will. Although I'm not sure how long I can keep that up. I've been worried about how I'll react seeing them around campus, but so far, I haven'tseen anyone. But my luck runs out when I see Maddie and Tate—my best friends—jogging over to me.
I turn on my heel, trying to walk fast enough to get away, but Maddie reaches me first. Her hand grips my shoulder, halting me.
"What the actual fuck, Mary?" she seethes, spinning me around. Her eyes grow wide and quickly fill with worry. "Mary..." She says my name again, and I can't find the energy to respond so I just stand there. "What's going on? Where have you been? You haven't been to class in weeks—no phone calls, no texts. Part of me thought you were dead!" She's mad, and I don't blame her. But I also can't find it in me to care. Hell, I can’t even speak the words out loud. So why even entertain this conversation?
"I'm fine," I say, giving her a weak smile. It’s all I can manage. Maybe I’m trying to prove it to her—or to myself. One day I will be fine. For right now, I just have to fake it.
"Mary, you can talk to us. Please don't shut us out," Tate pleads, and I can feel the tears building behind my eyes, but I can't let them fall. Not here. Not now. Before I can reply, laughter and shouting come from behind the girls.
The ache in my chest grows, and I feel like at any moment it's going to shatter. My eyes lock on Sebastian as he comes into view, followed by Ace, Roman, and Damon.
Maddie and Tate are trying to get my attention, but I can't tear my eyes away from him. He looks terrible—dark bags under his eyes, as if he hasn't slept the past two weeks either. His hair is messy, like he can't stop running his fingers through it. He looks like how I feel.
When his eyes find mine across the quad, they fill with something I can't decipher. His once-soft hazel eyes that held love and adoration for me are now full of confusion.
I want nothing more than to tell him the truth, but I don't think I could—even if I tried. The words sit heavy in my mouth,like a weight ready to drag me down. I'm not even sure I want to admit to him what happened. I don’t want him to look at me like I’m tainted.
He's never stopped trying since that night two weeks ago. I told him I wasn't ready. When Seb steps forward, as if wanting to come talk to me, panic builds in my chest and I know I can't do this right now. I'm barely hanging on by a thread as it is.
After giving Maddie and Tate a bullshit story about how I've been sick, I manage to shut them up, and they leave in a hurry for their next period class. When I look back, Seb is still standing there. Even with Ace pulling at his arm, his eyes don't leave mine. I take that chance to turn and run. If I let him try and pry out of me what happened, I'll simply break.
I try to keep my emotions under control but fail, tears streaming down my cheeks as I force my feet to carry me away from the man I owe my life to. I love them all so much, but this is something I have to deal with on my own. Tyler and Anthony have spread rumors about what they want everyone to believe happened that night—not the truth.
I can hear Seb calling my name, and it takes everything in me to not turn around. But I don't.
The trek across campus seems longer than it ever has. I keep my eyes toward the ground, hoping I can get back to my dorm without anyone trying to talk to me—and thankfully, it’s a success.
I take a quick shower, feeling like a robot on autopilot as I do all the things I'd normally do.
I grab my phone and sit in the window seat, looking down at everything going on. Students with their friends linger around, gossiping and going over weekend plans, I'm sure. As my eyes wander to the tree line below, I see a dark figure hidden behind the shadows. A shadow wearing a jacket that looked oddlyfamiliar to the one man I crave like no other. But I know he's not really there. It's just my mind playing more tricks on me.
Later that night, I lie awake, wracking my brain over what I should do. How do I fix this? And why would anyone believe me over them? Tyler and Anthony are gods at this school. And me? I’m just a nobody.
Eventually, my mind shuts off, and the nightmares of what happened that night take over.
Chapter 2
Mary
I'minmysecond-periodclass when someone comes in, walks directly to the professor, and hands him a note. He reads it, folds it, and looks up, his eyes roaming over the students until they land on me.
"Mary, please report to Dean Westwood's office. Now." He doesn't leave any room for argument as he goes back to the lecture and completely dismisses me.
I gather my stuff and leave the room, wishing I could go lock myself back in my dorm and not deal with any of this.
It doesn’t take long before I’m lightly tapping my knuckles against his door and his response comes immediately.
“Come in!”
As I enter, I’m hit with a familiar scent and bile rises in the back of my throat. I know it’s their dad, but I didn’t expect them to smell so similar. I wouldn’t doubt they share the same cologne.
Instantly I'm brought back to what happened that night—the way their hands felt on my skin, how I tried to stop them but couldn't get the words out. I take in a deep breath, trying to get my stomach to stop rolling, and lower myself into a chair across from his desk.
