I didn’t waitanother second as I stripped down, clipped my hair up, and slowlyplunged myself into the soothing warmth of the bath.Thejetsfelt amazing onmy sore muscles as they massaged the tension right out of them, soit didn’t take long for my body to slip into a coma of ultimatecomfort.
After about a halfan hour, I felt the magic of the Epsom salt working as thethrobbing in my cervix finally subsided. Itwasn’tgone, but it was muchmore bearable. This bathtub was my new best friend. As I soaked, Itried not to think about anything; I forced myself into a state ofnumbness so I wouldn’t have to dwell on the pain I was tryingtobury. I needed to curbmy anger, shelf my pride, and focus onreflection.
I was a captivenow, and there was no changing that. Not yet, at least. I needed tolet it all go and replace it with the will to please a monster. Ihoped that if I could make Darren happy, he’d return the favor. ButI would also have to let him.
I stared out thebay window beside the tub overlooking the beautiful ocean blue. Iremembered a time not so long ago when I’d find my happyplaceona beach with clearblue water and seagulls in the sky. And here it was right in frontof me, except it wasn’t my happy place. It was my own personalHell.
As I soaked,thoughts of Darren’s random change in attitude refused to leave me.Yes, he would hurt me when I stepped out of line, that much wasclear. He was not above hitting me, so I needed to be mindful ofthat if I wanted my face to remain unscathed. But when I wasdeserving, when I gave in to him, he would reward me … and I wasexperiencing that reward right now. The kiss this morning gave me aglimpse of how he could be as long as I obeyed him. Somehow, he wascapable of showing me tenderness, but only if I earned it. He wasjust so demanding; his expectations of my obedience too high for meto ever possibly reach, and I had a feeling he knewthis.
I had anunderlying feeling that the monster in Darren wouldn’t alwaysslumber. It would want out of its cage; it would want to take itsfury out on me, and Darren needed me to be strong enough to takeit. That was the point in all this. I could see that now. He wantedmy obedience, but he still wanted my defiance so he could punish meand feed the beast until it was good and full. I would have tofigure out a strategy to keep his beast at bay all the while givinghim exactly what he needed to keep myself from harm’s way. If hefelt he could lose control and really hurt me, I would have tolearn to predict and manage his urges before they consumed usboth.
About an hourlater, I could feel the water starting to cool down and I realizedmyfingertipsnow lookedlike raisins. Rising from the bath, my body felt ten times betteras I reached for the towel and dried myselfoff.
Wrapping the towelaround my body, I opened the bathroom door to find Darren sittingon my bed. His elbows rested on his knees as he looked up at mefrom his seated position and smiled.
“Feeling better?” he asked me.
“Yes, thank you,” I replied a little surprised to find himwaiting for me in my room as I walked out tohim.
I noticed he hadchanged into black swimming trunks and a white t-shirt. A Barbiepink bikini laid next to him on the bed. Ew. He must have noticedmy disgust at the color of the bathing suit because he turned tolook at it confused.
“You really hate pink that much, huh?” he said turning back tome.
“What gave it away?” I askedsarcastically.
“The fact that you look like someone just told you you’reshort.”
Now, I scowled,twisting my lips into a grimace as I glared athim.
“I thought I had fulfilled my pink requirements with thismorning’s ensemble.”
Darren chuckled.“No such thing.”
“You have to know by now that I am not a girly girl. I like toride motorcycles and shoot guns, get tattoos, climb trees, and playsports, and I really don’t mind getting a little dirt under myusuallyshort-clippedfingernails. That’s just who I am, and no amount of clothing,manicures, or an obscene amount of pink is going to changethat.”
Wow, I reallyhoped I hadn’toversteppedaboundary there. But again, he wanted honesty. He turned his headand pursed his lips, considering his words as well asmine.
“Jaden,” he said softly, “if I were to take a pistol and put apretty pink bow on it, does that make it any less of apistol?”
“Depends on where you wrapped the bow,” I replied, narrowingmy eyes.
He gave me adangerous look. I knew that wasn’t the answer he wanted, but toughshit.
“Let’s say it’s on the grip,” he answered, though clearly nothappy with me.
“Then no, I suppose not,” I said.
“Exactly. I know you’re not a girly girl,however, that doesn’tmean I don’t like to see you dress like one. Whether you like it ornot, you’re a young lady, and as such, you need to meet specificstandards to successfully please me. Just think of yourself as thepistol with the pretty pink bow on it.”
“Pistols with bows around the grip are still dangerous.” Ismirked.
“Only when they’re loaded, which is why your bowis tiedfirmly aroundthe trigger.” He winked.
How right he was.Give me any kind of ammunition and he was dead in a heartbeat, buttake it away, and I was nothing more than a bluntobject.
“Touché,” I finally admitted.
“Mmhmm.” He nodded slightly. “Now, put this on so we can goout and enjoy our picnic.”
