“I’m sorry I upset you, Jaden,” he saidsoftly, and his suddenapology surprisedmethough I doubted he meant it. “But I’m not sorry for thethings I do, and one day, you’ll learn to accept that. I am who Iam and there’s no changing it. The best way for you to understandme is to refrain from questioning me.”
“But I want to understand you. How am Isupposed to accept your will if I can’t understand where it comesfrom?”
“Just rely on my rules and you’ll be able tofigure it out from there.”
I released a sigh and just sank into themattress while his arm crushed me to his body. I shook my headlightly and closed my eyes, falling heavily into the sleep I hadbeen cravingsince he’d woke me upfrom my nap.
ChapterTwenty-Four
Branded
The rest of the week went by in a blur.Thankfully, I only had to sleep in Darren’s bed on the weekendssince most of the time he’d be away on business, but there were afew times I woke up in the middle of the night to find him betweenmy legs. It was very hard not to fight him on instinct then, as italways scared the shit out of me.
Some days, I wore his clothes, and somedays, I wore a dress. I still spent my time in my room while Darrenwas away at work, but luckily, hewould let me bring one bookfrom the library upstairs with me each day. It helped to keep myboredom at bay since I could only practice yoga for so long beforeit got old. I had managed to beat myforty-two-secondhandstand now that I had so much moretime on my hands. I was now at forty-six seconds.
Eventually,I gathered the courage to ask Darren for an iPod so I could listento music. I somehow managed to convince him it would keep me saneand calm while he was away. So at the beginning of the week, Darrenpresented me with gift-wrapped box at breakfast. It contained asilver and pink iPod with headphones and access to an iTunesaccount. He just loved to torture me with pink.
So long as I behaved, I could download tensongs a week, though he had to approve them first. I was sograteful, I could have cried, but Darren saw to my repaymentforhis generosity with an under-the-table session while hefinished reading his morning paper. I didn't plan to ask him foranother thing for the rest of my captivity after thatif Icould help it.
I fucking hated how he kept me locked up inmy room all day while he was gone. It angered me to the point ofabsolute rage, but I tried to rationalize it from his point ofview. He didn’t trust me. That was understandable. I wouldn’t trustme either. But it didn’t mean I couldn’t hate it any less. I triedto be good, hoping that when my week of reflection was over, he’drelease me from my room since he would then see I could follow hisrules while he was away. I had managed to make it to only twostrikes for the entire rest of the week, so that had to count forsomething.
The iPod did make theboring days in myroomeasier,though. I couldlisten to music for hours without even realizing it, especially nowas it was the best distraction from my current nightmare.Sometimes, a song would come on that would remind me of someone Imissed, but I couldn't linger on my family or Jason. Thinking aboutthem hurt too much, and I needed to stay focused on myself and whatI needed to do if I ever wanted to make it back to them.
I only allowed myself to linger on oneperson, a person I really missed: Kayla. I still wondered where shewas, who had boughther,butat least,I knew she was alive. Iwanted to bring her up again so many times to get more info fromDarren, but I knew he wouldn’t disclose anything. I would have toworry about rescuing her later. I had to focus on myself firstbefore I could help anyone else.
The Russian women came back earlier in theweek to repair and repaint my nails. This time, they did somethingfun with the French manicure, leaving a sparkly silver line justbelow the white tip. They did the same to my toes. Since I lost atpool, I did not get to pick thecolor, but I didn’t really care that much about it. The ladies evenremoved the unwanted hair that began to grow back since my lastwaxing treatment. I wasn’t too pleased with it but what could I do?The ladies still seemed skittish, and Anya remained quiet as ever,but Irina tried to keep things light with her fake-ass smile. Sheknew something was wrongwithme,but she was too afraid to act on it.
As Thursday approached, I found my isolationfrom the world to be another mind game of Darren’s. He was the onlyone I talked to, or was allowed to talk to, so when he finally cameto collect me when he came home for the day, I was happy just tofinally have someone to converse with, even if it was only him. Itried talking to Scott one time when he brought my lunch up, butthat didn’t last long and ashort-livedphone call from Darren removed any thoughtsof ever uttering another syllable to anyone other than him.
I tried to keep myself light and positivemost of the time to show Darren that he had not broken my spirit. Istill sparred with him every now and then, but he was a liar if hesaid he didn’t enjoy it. The tent in his pants always gave himaway. It was aggressively playful at best anyway, and if it strokedhis ego then fine, but it usually just ended in me inevitablystroking something else. That was all part of theplan,though. If he could have fun with me, evenif itwerea form of abuse, then Iwould take it if it meant he would fall for me. And he was. He justdidn’t know it yet.
For the most part, Darren had becomesomewhat tolerable to me during that week. He was almost a perfectgentleman – sweet, attentive, polite, but it only remained as longas I followed his rules. If I stepped out of line by even an inch,he would pounce with that warning glare of his, reminding me thathe was only holding back from his usual punishments due to my weekof reflection.
I was learning quickly when it came to histriggers and when to pull them or not. Anticipating his demands wascoming easier, too, but when he reminded me that my week ofreflection was coming to an end, it made me wonder if everythingwould really change that much. I had managed to remain good allweek, and I was hell-bent on staying in Darren’s good graces. Butlittle did I know how quickly things were going to escalate when myweek of reflection was over.
On Sunday, Darren was late coming home fromwhatever shit he was doing that day, and I ended up having mydinner alone in my room. He finally came and got me around 7 p.m. Isomehow found myself excited to see him, but I told myself it wasonly because I was lonely and I wanted to get the fuck out of thisroom.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” he said as he enteredmy room. “Something needed my immediate attention.”
“That’s okay,” I said getting up from mychaise and walking over to him.
He took me into a heavy embrace and kissedme for a long time. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he missedme.
“Come on,” he said taking my hand andleading me out to the hallway. “I have a surprise for you.”
My stomach immediately twisted into tightlittle knots as I remembered the last time Darren had a surprisefor me. I hoped today would be different, but I was so fuckingwrong.
He led me down one of the hallways and wecame into an office containing a long medical bed with outstretchedarms in the center of the room. A man sat on an ottoman next to atray of instruments that I was not able to make out. Tattooscovered the man, and he had his back to me as he fiddled with theinstruments. Fear broke out over my entire body as I was hoping toGod that the tattoo gun I finally sawwasn't for me.
“Darren, what the fuck,” I said, looking upat him, visible trepidation and anxiety spread all across myface.
“Your week of reflection isover,Jaden. It’s time to show me what beingmine means to you.”
And then I heard the buzz of the tattoo gun,and I flinched as the sound penetrated my ears. Fuck. No.
“Darren, p-please. This isn’t necessary.” Myvoice shook; I couldn’t contain the fear in it if I tried. I knewwhat he wanted on my body, and the thought of seeing his fuckingname permanently scribedonmyskin made me want to claw my own flesh off so there was nothingleft to tattoo.
“Jaden, this is happening whether you wantit or not. Now, get your ass in that chair and don’t make me tellyou again,” he instructed as he pointed at the chair. His voice wascold and sharp, but I couldn’t concede yet. I had to reason withhim.
