Giving Jackson a direct pipeline into my emotions is going to be the death of me. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just, uh, was having a moment.”
I want to keep hiding in the kitchen, away from Jackson’s soft earl gray scent and inquisitive eyes, but I force myself back to the couch, setting down his bottle and immediately cracking open my can to take a sip.
He watches me, dark eyes far too insightful despite how often he pretends to be oblivious. Jackson isn’t stupid. He’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. He just set such an impossible standard for himself that he assumes that means he’s lacking.
“It’s okay to be having a hard time.” He says the words cautiously, like he’s doing his best not to spook me.
“I know.”
Jackson’s lips twitch. “Do you? Because your track record with that so far has been less than stellar.”
I glare at the beta, even as I silently agree with him. “I know.”
He watches me expectantly, clearly waiting for me to elaborate on what caused my spike of emotions.
I sigh, sliding my glasses off and setting them down on the table so I can rub between my brows. “It’s a little uncomfortable sitting here while Ambrose is out with Camille. My alpha is grumbly about it, but it’s manageable. It’ll get better as we adjust to this new dynamic.” My words are truthful, even if they’re obscuring the actual source of my frustrations.
“Not to be contrary, but can you really know that it’ll get better? Because if things go well, Camille will spend more time with Ambrose. I know alphas and omegas are more instinctually inclined toward polyamory, and we’re not the first pack to have this dynamic, but… I worry about you getting hurt.”
My chest squeezes uncomfortably as I feel the brunt of Jackson’s concerns and care for me pulsing through the bond. I break eye contact, staring down at his fingers kneading into Dahlia’s soft fur instead. “I appreciate that. But I promise you, Ican handle it. Yes, I’ll be jealous and it won’t always be easy, but I have experience keeping that from ruining relationships. Jealousy is natural and not the problem. It’s what you do with those feelings that matters.”
“You have experience with that? When?”
I jolt, my eyes flashing up to meet Jackson’s.
Fuck. Why did I say that? God, I’m an idiot.
His brow crinkles and I scramble to come up with a convincing lie. But he’s known me since freshman year of college. He knows my minimal dating history and lack of experience before we met. He knows how things went with the other omegas we tried to court, and how me being jealous was never the issue.
Fuck.
“I, uh, I…”
Horror floods through me as Jackson searches my face.
He’s going to put the pieces together.
He’s going to realize I’ve been in love with him for ages.
This is a nightmare. Think of something to say, dammit!
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I flinch, scrambling to pull it out. Jackson watches me, bemused by my jumpy reaction. “It’s Ambrose. Sorry, I’ll be right back.”
He nods. “Sure, man.”
Does he sound suspicious?
I don’t stick around to evaluate his response, hurrying out of the room and up the stairs to the safety of my bedroom. Collapsing in a shaky heap on my bed, I read Ambrose’s text.
Ambrose: I have a bit of a problem that I wanted to run by you.
My panic about Jackson discovering my long-harbored crush gets pushed to the back of my mind as my brain switches to caretaking mode. Ambrose’s problem, whatever it is, is moreimportant than my small crisis. He’s keeping his end of the bond closed tonight—another thing we agreed on as a pack when we decided to have Jackson and Ambrose court Camille—so I can’t tell if he’s upset or not.
It might be rude, but I decide to call him rather than texting back. My alpha needs to hear his voice to make sure he’s not in imminent danger.
The phone rings three times before Ambrose picks up.
I don’t give him a chance to say anything before speaking. “Are you okay? Is Camille okay?”
