Ramel waved me over, and I did as I was told. Once out of the booth, I came around the big desk that housed his soundboard, computer monitors, and all the other gadgets he was using to turn my feelings into music.
We’d barely made it within arm’s length of each other when I fell into his chest like I belonged there. Not only had I grown close to Ramel over the last two weeks, but I’d also started to feel at home in his presence. We didn’t need to be working on musicfor me to want to be around him. Things as simple as having a conversation in the diner became something I looked forward to as long as he was the person sitting across from me.
I was so thankful for Ramel opening his home to me and letting me use his studio. If it weren’t for him, I didn’t know how I would have gotten those last two songs recorded and my album out as fast as I could. I wanted people to hear me sing, and I didn’t want my name attached to my parents. If I could get my music out on my own and gain the recognition I needed on my own, then I knew I could be successful.
It took me a long time to realize how capable I was. I was learning that I could accomplish difficult things without my parents. I didn’t need to ride their coattails, and I didn’t even need their approval. It was taking acts of God to even get them to notice me these days, and I didn’t deserve to be half-loved.
“You really think so?” I asked, finally releasing him from the hug so I could look into his eyes.
I needed this song to be perfect. Not only did I need to prove to my parents that I didn’t need them to succeed at this, but I also needed to prove it to myself. Making sure this song and the entire EP were flawless was just one step in the right direction.
“I really do. You got something special here.”
“I appreciate you saying that. You didn’t have to do any of this. So, thanks again.” I rubbed Ramel’s shoulder as I spoke.
There were only so many ways I could say thank you to this man. Not only did he stick with me since my first night in town, but he also helped me get a job, and now he was helping me work on the biggest project of my life. I would forever be thanking God for meeting him when I did.
“You good. I don’t mind helping out where I can. I don’t be doing shit when I get off on most days. I’m in the gym early mornings, so my afternoons are pretty much free. I don’t go outside much.”
The day I met Ramel, he was the biggest asshole to me, but now I was getting to see the real him. Ramel definitely had a hard ass exterior, but underneath all of that was a heart made of pure gold. He was one of those men who it took a lot for him to open up, but I was seeing him open a little bit to me, and I was happy to see it.
“So, tell me, what were you doing in the bar the night we met, and how come I didn’t get to meet this you instead of whoever that was I spent the night with?”
“Honestly, we met on a bad night. I had some family stuff going on, so I needed a drink or two.”
“You keep mentioning that you have family stuff. You want to talk about it?”
“No, not really.”
“Come on. It can’t be as bad as my family, and you pretty much know everything I’m going through.”
“Honestly, I’m just not one of those people who talk about my family or my personal issues. No offense to you, though. I don’t mean nothing by it. I just like to keep my stuff to myself. That’s all.”
“Cool.”
I flashed him a fake smile and stood slowly before walking around to the opposite side of the table. I needed to put space between us, not only to keep Ramel from noticing the mood change, but also to keep me from wanting to be near him.
If he didn’t want to share parts of himself with me, that was fine. Maybe I misread it. I thought we were getting to know each other, but it seemed that he was trying everything in his power to keep a distance between us. This was sending mixed signals, and I didn’t like mixed signals. I’d been rejected enough in one lifetime to put up with somebody else rejecting me.
I could take him not being interested in me. Maybe I wasn’t his cup of tea, but if that was the case, he needed to work onhis signals because they were all messed up. If I were going to protect myself in all of this, I needed to set clear boundaries between us.
We weren’t getting to know each other on a personal level. This was work. He was helping me record my album, and I was appreciative. That was it.
“This is a pretty nice studio you’ve made here.”
I changed the subject because I needed to; if I got wrapped up in thinking about all the endless possibilities I could have with this man, I’d be stuck right there, wrapped up in the idea of us, an idea that probably would never happen. I needed to keep focused on the main goal, and that was music. My music was the only thing that truly mattered.
Chapter
Eight
Method
I could feel the pull as soon as she changed the subject. Gina wanted to know more about me. She wasn’t really asking too much, but there were reasons I couldn’t open up to her. The main reason was this bullshit engagement.
Gina wasn’t really interested in the studio. I knew I’d worked hard to make my studio what it was, but I also knew it wasn’t enough to distract a woman from finding out something she wanted to know. Her changing the subject was simply her decision not to beg for information I wasn’t ready to give.
I couldn’t lie. I really wasn’t the type to talk about my family or personal life. I had been working beside men and women for years, and they still knew very little about me. I had mastered the art of compartmentalizing and keeping different parts of my life separate.
