I barely know what’s happening before he fills my mouth with his salty come. It’s not easy, but I manage to swallow as more and more of it shoots from his tip. By the time he lets out a deep groan and releases my head, I feel sort of proud of myself for keeping up with him.
It’s still not enough. There’s a sense of something missing as I get to my feet, wondering what happens now. I want to ask. The question hangs on the tip of my tongue, but I’m too afraid to voice it. Instead, he soaps up quickly and rinses off without looking at me again, then gets out of the shower and leaves me feeling emptier than ever.
“I’ll fix something for breakfast.” All the passion that had us in its grip only a minute ago is gone, replaced by the same kind of awkwardness we’ve existed in since I got here. He’s barely able to meet me eye-to-eye even in the mirror over the sink—no, he’s in too much of a hurry to get out of here. To get away from me. I wish it was that simple. I’d be more than happy to disappear.
You don’t really mean that, do you?Is that my wolf talking? Or is it the ever-present voice in my head reminding me I’m an awful person? Chiding me like a disappointed parent, refusing to let me lie to myself?
No, I don’t really mean that. I don’t want to disappear. Deep down inside—and not even all that deep—I want to be with him. I need to. There’s no choice. I am meant for him. He is meant for me.
But dammit, if he is not going to accept that, why should I? Why should I want to stick around when my destruction is the only possible outcome?
He’s already in the kitchen, scrambling eggs by the time I force myself to leave the bathroom and face him. His back is to me, so I can scoot into the bedroom without having to bear his attention. I wonder if the eggs will be overdone again today, and doubt they’ll be anything but. Especially when he now has to figure out how he’ll face Declan tomorrow night.
I just really hope my brother is smart and levelheaded enough to figure this out without getting violent. It’s not that I don’t think the pack could handle it—I know they could. But no amount of injuries or death are worth it. I’m not worth it.
Besides, as much as I resent Kyran from the top of my head to my toenails, I don’t want him to suffer, either. I don’t want him to lose what he still has when he’s already lost everything else. There will always be part of my soul tied to him. Always a corner of my mind, wondering about him. Thinking, imagining, remembering. Even worrying. If I live through this, does that mean spending the rest of my days wishing I knew how he’s doing? Hoping he’s alive and well?
What would I feel if he wasn’t?
“Breakfast is ready.” Plates hit the table in the kitchen, and the sound makes me cringe. So that’s how it’s going to be. I guess he’s done trying to make me feel comfortable or at ease. My shoulders roll back once I’ve put on another T-shirt and sweats, which he left out for me, and I lift my chin before marching out to the kitchen.
This time, the heat under the pan was too high. There isn’t much that grosses me out more than eggs that have gone brown because they were overcooked. I guess if I want to eat, I’d better get over it. One of the many things I’m going to have to get over if I make it out of this alive.
At least the eggs are hot. The air in the room is anything but. It’s amazing I don’t see my breath in front of my face. I can’t understand him when that’s all I want to be able to do. He practically mauls me in the shower, then treats me like I’m the guest who’s stayed too long.
The irony being I would leave if he’d let me.
I’m maybe three bites into my less than exciting breakfast when a sudden banging on the front door makes eggs lodge in my throat. Kyran is more concerned with his visitor than with me, sitting here, coughing my head off. “Stay here,” he mutters, eyes narrowing as he stands. All I know is, I wouldn’t want to be whoever is on the other side of that door, not when he walks with his fists clenched like he’s ready to fight. For me?
What if it’s ten against one? What if they decide to hurt him to get him out of the way?
I’m shaking hard enough to make my teeth chatter by the time he reaches the front door and peers out through the glass insert near the top. “It’s all right,” he murmurs, glancing my way. “But stay where you are.”
Right now, I don’t think I could get up and walk if I tried. The room is swaying a little, and the effect gets worse when I move my head. I really thought that was it. I thought death had come for me.
When he starts to open the door, I can’t hold back a tiny whimper that makes him groan like he’s out of patience. “I can handle this.”
All I can do is sit and wait. Well, there are no shouts out there. Nobody comes barging through the door. There’s nobody looking through the windows in the back of the cottage, either. I guess I’m still safe, or as safe as I can be around here.
So of course, now I’m curious. They’re probably talking about me, right? Deciding my fate?
“I don’t care if she hears me.”
It’s the sound of a girl’s voice that makes me sit up a little straighter. A girl, huh? A girl who sounds pretty pissed.
Kyran’s voice gets a little louder, though he’s still not as loud as she is. “Could you not? Things are complicated enough as it is.”
Oh. My. God.
Why did it never occur to me before this? He’s clearly older than me, even if I haven’t asked him his age. He’s the clan’s alpha and could score any girl he wants. I never imagined him being involved with anybody, though. I’ve been so busy thinking about myself and what he means to me.
My ears go hot all of a sudden. Maybe it’s the way blood pounds in them. He has a girlfriend. He never bothered mentioning her, but she’s out there, and she’s pissed off.
No way I’m staying in this chair while she’s fighting with him about me. “They don’t have to be complicated, Kyran. You know what you need to do. We all know. Why don’t you just get it over with?”
Needless to say, I’m not a fan of hers. My molars grind as I cross the living room, careful to creep as close to the window as I can without being close enough for the sun to shine a spotlight on me. I need to get a look at her. What is his type? Who will he go back to once he gets rid of me?
The first thing I notice is her shining golden hair. It’s obvious she spent time on it before she came over here, making sure it’s perfectly waved, and every strand is in place. I wonder if she did that before or after applying a full face of makeup. Her contouring game is on point, but that’s about the only good thing I can say about her.
