At one point, Hal sent me a message to let me know he’d arrived safely, and that he was going out to get some coffee with his friend Logan, who’d picked him up from the airport. He also promised to check in before bed. It felt oddly impersonal to be back to texting, after having him right beside me for the last few days.
In the late afternoon, Tank invited me to stay for dinner, but I told him I needed to get going. Dwight had already given up his Sunday to take care of the ranch. While he’d said he was happy to make that extra money, I wanted to make sure he had a chance to get some rest before the week started.
I stopped off at the store before leaving Austin and got myself groceries for the week, along with a case of Dwight’s favorite beer. I gave that to him when I got home, as a thank you for the extra work he’d done so I could free up some time for Hal.
After he took off, I put away the groceries, changed into my work clothes, and got busy. Dwight had already gotten all the animals where they needed to be for the night, but there was always extra work to do.
I spent the next several hours cleaning, organizing, and moving stuff around, until exhaustion forced me to take a seat on the porch. My dogs gathered around me, but instead of settling in, it seemed like they were waiting for something—or someone. “If you’re expecting Hal to show up, I hate to break it to you but he went back home,” I told them. “It was nice having him here, wasn’t it?”
The stillness of the ranch settled around me. Usually, I found it soothing. This evening though, it just added to my blue mood.
I missed Hal so much that it was a physical ache. My chest felt hollow.
But I knew I was going to have to get used to it. Every time we got together, it would inevitably be followed by saying goodbye and being apart for weeks, or months. This ache was going to become my new normal.
It took me a while to realize I was shivering. I’d worked up a sweat, and it had cooled on my skin. I got up and held the door for the dogs so they could come inside with me. Then I went and stood under a hot shower for a while.
After that, I put on an old Henley and a pair of pajama pants, plugged in my phone on the nightstand, and climbed into bed. It was still early, but I didn’t have the energy for anything else.
Then I noticed something under the covers on Hal’s side of the bed. I’d totally forgotten that he’d left something for me. I picked up the silky black camisole and rubbed it against my cheek before inhaling his clean, familiar scent. He’d left his scent on his pillow too, and on the blankets. It was incredibly soothing. I closed my eyes, clutching the delicate garment to my chest, and let myself get lost in it.
When my phone rang sometime later and I saw Hal’s name on the screen, it instantly made me smile. I turned on the lamp on my nightstand and answered the video call with, “Hi, baby. How’re you doing?”
“I miss you like crazy.”
“I miss you, too. I’m surprised you’re in bed. Isn’t it about nine o’clock there?”
“Yeah, but I’m completely wiped out.” He sighed and muttered, “I can’t believe I have to go to school tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m going to shift gears and get back to my regular grind.”
“It’ll be hard for me to get back to my usual routine, too.”
“I wish I was there with you.”
“Me, too. I appreciate what you left in my bed, though.” I held up the camisole.
“Like I said, fair is fair.” He was hugging my shirt to his chest, the same way I’d been holding his. “We can trade back next time I see you. But just so you know, I’m going to do the same thing on our next visit and steal something else of yours. This shirt will probably lose your scent by then.”
We spoke for a few more minutes. He told me about his flight, and about spending time with his best friend once he got home. When his eyelids started to get heavy, I said, “I should probably let you go.”
“No, don’t go. Spend the night with me.” He settled in on his pillow and propped up his phone on the nightstand, so the camera was still pointed at him. “Stay with me even after I fall asleep. Please?”
“Sure, baby. Anything you want.” I leaned my phone against the base of the lamp and tucked my hand under my head.
He fought to stay awake, long enough to murmur, “There was a lot I wanted to say at the airport. It’s hard to put it all into words, but I hope you know how much you mean to me, and how much I loved spending time with you.”
He was fading fast, but before he drifted off, he whispered, “You really are the sweetest, most wonderful man I’ve ever known, and I’m so grateful for you, Ry.”
I had an even harder time trying to put my feelings into words, so all I managed was, “Right back at you.”
Hal fell asleep about a minute later, and as promised, I stayed on the line. Even though I desperately wanted him here with me, I told myself I could learn to get used to this long-distance thing again.
What choice did I have?
11
Hal
My first morning back in San Francisco, I awoke way too early to a dead phone. I packed it and my charger into a gym bag with a change of clothes, got dressed in workout wear, and slipped out of the house as quietly as I could, to avoid waking my housemates.
