“You have a habit of compartmentalizing your emotions and locking them away. The more upset you are about something, the more stoic you become.”
“That can’t be true. I feel like I’m way too emotional, and that they spill out all the time.”
“You definitely show emotions,” Logan said. “But not with big things, that’s my point. Exhibit A is when you came to live with me after your ex cheated on you. Even though you were completely devastated, you didn’t shed a single tear. Instead, you threw yourself into work and school.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
He shrugged. “Yes and no. It’s awesome that you let it motivate you to pursue the life and the career you wanted. At the same time though, I’ve always worried about what bottling up so many feelings might do to you. They don’t really go away, you know? They just get tamped down. You can shut the lid on them for a while, but what happens when it gets to be too much and that lid flies open?”
If this was coming from anyone else, I probably would have dismissed it, because I didn’t see a problem. But Logan knew me better than anyone. He’d been my best friend since we were fourteen years old, so maybe he even knew me better than I knew myself.
I asked, “Why are you bringing this up now?”
“Because you’re shutting down how you feel about Ryder, which tells me this is big. You’re crazy about him, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” I said softly, “I really am.”
“So, what are you going to do about it?”
“For now, there’s not much I can do. I need to get through school and my internship, and close that chapter of my life. I’m planning to go back to Texas and spend more time with Ryder as soon as I finish this semester, and hopefully we’ll be able to figure out where we go from there.”
“If he says he wants a committed relationship, do you think you’ll be ready for that? I know it must be scary to put yourself out there and let yourself be vulnerable again, after what your ex did to you.”
“I’m already committed to him, even if we haven’t made anything official. And you’re right that I was scared to try again, but this is Ryder we’re talking about. He makes it easy, because I trust him, and I know he’d never hurt me.”
Logan beamed at me. “I’m so happy you found someone you can trust, after all you’ve been through.”
Just then, Kit stepped through the back door, bundled in a bulky purple sweater that was three sizes too big for him. He raised a hand in greeting and asked, “Mind if I join you? The fire looks cozy.”
“Absolutely.” When he took a seat across from us, I said, “Kit, meet my best friend Logan. He’s Lark’s brother, who you haven’t met yet, and he used to live in the pink Victorian. Now he lives there, with his husband and son.” I pointed to the smaller, white house at the other end of the yard.
They exchanged greetings, and then Kit asked, “Were you two talking about Hal’s cowboy?” When I nodded, he said, “I’m sorry if this is too nosy, but I’m curious. What do you and Ryder find to talk about? It just doesn’t seem like you and a guy who lives on a ranch would have much in common.”
“We have very different lives, but somehow that’s a plus, because we learn from each other,” I said. “Believe it or not, he’s legitimately interested when I talk about fashion design or show him my sketches, because he knows it’s important to me. Heasks questions and makes a real effort to understand what I’m doing. I’m the same way when he talks about his horses.”
“Aw, that’s sweet,” Kit said.
“You know what, though? I’ve started to realize he and I really aren’t all that different, deep down. For one thing, we both grew up fast. Somehow, fourteen was a pivotal age for each of us. That’s when I started my modeling career. It’s also when he moved in with his grandparents and took on a lot of the work involved in keeping the ranch up and running. That much responsibility at a young age changes you.”
Kit nodded. “I can see that.”
Before I could give another example, my phone rang. Ryder’s name was on the screen, which made me smile. I answered the video call with, “Hi, sexy. I was just talking about you.”
My companions got up immediately, but I told them, “You don’t have to leave.”
“You should have some alone time with your honey,” Kit said.
Logan turned to Kit and gestured at the pink Victorian. “Let’s go inside. I’ll show you a few tips and tricks for living here. For one thing, there’s a whole series of steps to get the washing machine to work. The last step is bumping it with your hip.”
“We fixed that since you moved out,” I called after them. “Now the last step is just pounding on it with your fist.”
Once they were gone, I turned my attention back to the screen, and Ryder smiled at me and said, “Hi, baby. Where are you?”
“My backyard. I’m trying to recapture the feeling of being at the ranch. Thanks to Logan, there’s even a fire of sorts.”
I panned the phone to show him the fire pit, and he asked, “Why is the fire blue?”
“It’s one of those manufactured logs. I assume it burns in color because it’s laced with chemicals.”
