“He told me he was four when his dad died. How could he possibly feel guilty about anything?”
“He shouldn’t. It was my fault, not his.”
I put down the mug and said, “His dad died in a car accident. It couldn’t have been your fault, either.”
“It was, though,” she said softly, her hands fidgeting with her apron strings. “My husband had gone out that night with friends from work to celebrate a birthday. Devon wasn’t the easiest kid, and he was pitching a fit about going to bed. He kept insisting that he wanted his daddy to tuck him in, not me. I ended up calling him at the restaurant and asking him to come home early.”
She looked devastated as she whispered, “I was just so tired. All I wanted was for Devon to go to sleep, so I could, too. If I hadn’t made that call, his father never would have been in the intersection when that truck ran a stop sign.”
I squeezed her hand and said, “You can’t blame yourself for that. It was an accident.”
“You don’t have to comfort me. I’ve learned to live with my guilt. Devon never did though, and it ate away at him. He kept saying his dad would still be alive if he hadn’t been acting out. Nothing I said could change his mind. Neither could the school counselor, or our minister, or the therapist I was able to hire for him after Ed and I got married.”
I whispered, “I had no idea he was carrying that around.”
“It’s not something he likes to talk about.” She pushed her hair off her forehead with the back of her hand and said, “Oddlyenough, the only thing that seemed to ease his guilt a little was when he met with that psychic. When she told him the men in his family were cursed, he felt like he finally had an explanation for why his dad was taken away from him at such a young age. He still felt guilty, but not in the same way. Now his father’s death was bigger than him. He latched onto the idea of a curse with both hands and wouldn’t let go, and just like with his guilt, no one could talk him out of it.”
That explained so much. It was like the puzzle that made up Devon finally had a few more pieces in place.
“I could never understand why Devon was so determined to believe in something that defies logic, but I get it now,” I said. “As wildly improbable as it is, it has to be better than feeling responsible for his father’s death.”
“Exactly.” She shifted her gaze to a spot off in the distance as she told me, “Some part of Devon always wanted to believe in magic, and in things that defied explanation in this world. I used to think it was charming, before this curse thing came along and took over his entire life.”
“What should I do? There’s the rest of December and all of January to get through. How do I keep him from completely imploding? And what’s he going to do when his birthday comes and goes and he realizes there was no curse?”
She shifted her gaze back to me and said, “Just keep being there for him, Kit. I have no idea how he’s going to be as his birthday gets closer, or how he’ll react once it’s passed and he realizes none of what he believed was real. All I know is, he’s going to need you to help him through it.”
I nodded. “Like I told Devon last night, I’m not going anywhere.”
14
Devon
It felt great to be back in my hometown, and what made it even better was getting to share it with Kit. Even though we spent most of our time with my mom and Ed, I also carved out a little time for just the two of us.
A highlight was spending an afternoon with him at the aquarium. He was so excited, and I loved watching the way his face lit up at one thing after another. “This place is wonderful,” he said, as he hugged my arm and we watched a bunch of tiny jellyfish propel themselves around their tank. “Did you come here as a kid?”
“I was twelve the first time I visited. Ed brought me here a few months after he started dating my mom, for a guys’ day out. When he saw how much I enjoyed it, he bought me an annual pass, and he kept renewing it all throughout my teen years. I’d come here when I was upset about something, or when I needed time to myself, because it was so soothing. I’d sit for hours sometimes, watching the fish in their quiet, beautiful little worlds, and thinking through whatever was on my mind. I always felt better afterwards.”
Kit squeezed my arm. “Thank you for bringing me here. I love it even more, now that I know what it means to you.”
He was particularly excited about the seahorses, so before we left I took him to the gift shop and bought him a stuffed seahorse toy, along with a National Aquarium sweatshirt and baseball cap. When we got outside, he thanked me and gave me a big kiss. There was a sparkle in his eyes as he handed me the shopping bag. “Please hold this for a minute,” he said, “and wait here.” Then he ran back into the building.
He had a huge smile on his face when he returned and presented me with a gift. He’d bought me a little stuffed turtle, a box of shell-shaped chocolates, and a baseball cap that matched the one I’d gotten him. I grinned as I held up the stuffed animal, and he exclaimed, “Surprise! It’s a friend for Tata.” He’d actually remembered the name of the toy I’d had since I was little.
I gave him a hug and said, “Tata and I thank you.”
The next day was Christmas Eve. Kit and I got up early, baked some cinnamon rolls from scratch, and put together a lavish brunch for the four of us. It felt good to see the smiles on their faces when Mom and Ed joined us in the dining room.
After we ate our fill and cleaned up a bit, we all settled in for an extremely drawn-out game of Monopoly. This was pure nostalgia for me, and Kit seemed to enjoy it, too. We joked, laughed, and chatted throughout it, which made it fun. As sweet as he was, Ed was also ruthless when it came to making money, and he ended up winning by a wide margin, same as usual.
While Kit and I packed up the game, my mom took Ed upstairs so they could get ready for a neighbor’s holiday open house. “That’s the first time I ever played a game of Monopoly tothe bitter end,” Kit said. “My dad and I would play sometimes, but we’d always call it after an hour or so.”
“I assume that’s what most people do, but we’ve always played it right down to total financial ruin.”
“I can see why Ed is so successful at his business, even though he’s the nicest guy in every other way.”
“Exactly!”
