I blink, focusing on the worried faces staring at me from across the cozy room. “I’m fine. Just thinking.”
The lie tastes bitter in my mouth, but I can’t exactly explain that I’m processing the possibility that my former fated mate might have been rejecting every other woman because of me. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing about Seth’s behavior makes sense, and I’m tired of trying to figure him out.
Daciana mercifully shifts the conversation, resting back against the window cushions with a satisfied expression. “Well, regardless of Seth’s mysterious love life, Zane Radrick is a catch. Handsome, wealthy, powerful—you could do a lot worse.”
“He’s been wonderful,” I admit, warmth spreading through my chest at the thought of him. The way he looks at me like I’m precious, the gentle way he touches my hair, how he actually listens when I speak. “Very attentive.”
“Zane Radrick,” Astra muses, a small smile playing at her lips. “The maids are always talking about him. They think he’s incredibly handsome and charming.”
My jaw tightens. “Don’t tell me has areputation, too.”
Astra laughs. “No. Actually, Zane is known for avoiding romantic relationships. He’s the youngest head of a family, so he’s too busy to deal with women, from what I’ve heard. I do know that he has had many proposals sent to him.” She chuckles. “According to the maids, he has turned down every single one of them.”
Daciana turns to look at me, her eyes dancing with laughter. “He must have fallen for you when we were at his estate.”
“What?” I blink. “I’ve met him before?”
“You don’t remember?” Daciana’s eyebrows rise. “We went to his estate about five months ago to deliver some medicinal herbs. I escorted you because royal healers aren’t allowed to visit nobility alone.”
I frown, searching my memory. Nothing comes up. “I don’t remember that at all.”
“We met him in his gardens,” Daciana continues, her voice taking on that patient tone she uses when she thinks I’m being forgetful. “He was so polite to us. Thanked you personally for the delivery before we handed the herbs to his servant.”
My stomach twists into knots as I try desperately to recall any memory of Zane before I found him in the forest. But there’s nothing—just a blank space where that encounter should be. How could I forget meeting someone like him?
“He seemed really taken with you,” Daciana adds cheerfully. “I remember thinking he was devastatingly handsome but completely focused on you.”
The unease crawling up my spine intensifies. Five months ago would have been just after I started feeling the mate bond toward Seth. If I’d met Zane—my new supposed fated mate—back then, wouldn’t I remember? Wouldn’t there have been some recognition, some pull?
“I honestly don’t remember,” I admit, my voice sounding small.
Astra reaches over and pats my hand. “You were probably distracted. You’d just started working here; everything was so new and most likely overwhelming.”
I nod, grasping at the explanation even though it doesn’t feel right.My mind is foggy when I try to think about that time period, like there’s something important just out of reach.
“Maybe that’s why he waited so long to approach you properly,” Astra suggests gently. “He wanted to give you time to settle in.”
“Don’t overthink it,” Daciana says firmly, reaching for another sandwich. “You’re happy now. That’s what matters.”
I force myself to smile and nod, but the questions won’t stop churning in my mind. The cold knot in my chest tightens as I realize how many gaps there seem to be in my memory, how little sense any of this makes. But my friends are looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to join back in the conversation, so I push the doubts aside and reach for my tea with hands that aren’t quite steady.
Chapter Five
Seth
It’s beentwo weeks of pure hell.
I grab a couple bottles of whiskey from my personal stash and hunt down Leon. I find him in the training yards, overseeing the evening drills. When he sees my face—and the liquor—his expression doesn’t change.
“I need a drinking buddy,” I say without preamble, holding up a bottle in each hand.
Leon glances at the sun sinking toward the horizon, then back at me. We’ve done this enough times that he knows the routine. “Give me half an hour to finish up here.”
I nod and lean against the fence, watching him put the soldiers through their paces. A female soldier with auburn hair moves through the formations, and my hand tightens around one of the bottles before I force myself to look away. My wolf whines, fidgety and confused, but I shove the feelings down.
The half hour drags on like an eternity, but Leon finally dismissesthe troops and wipes the sweat from his brow. “Alright. Let’s go. Should we grab Lucian?”
“Not tonight.” I sound sharper than I should.
