“You two have done good. She’s amazing.” Grant stands up and brings her over to me.
“I’ll be back sometime tomorrow and, Shane, I’ll bring you some clothes. You, little one, get to spend some time with your mommy and daddy. Just know, my door will always be open for you, so when you get mad at them and want to run away, you come to me. I have a feeling you’re going to have your mom’s passion and your dad’s stubbornness all wrapped up into a beautiful little package. You have a strong name and I’m sure you’ll wear it well, little one.”
He puts her into my arms, squeezes my arm, and nods to Shane in goodbye. Once he’s out of the room, I look at my husband and I can’t help but smile. He comes over to my side and gives me a kiss and touches his forehead to mine, looking down at our little one.
“This is our family, gorgeous. You, me, and our little girl. This is everything.” I move to kiss him, wanting that connection again.
“It is everything.” Grace decides to go from sleeping to wailing in point-two milliseconds. Shane helps me to move her in a way that I can breastfeed her. She latches on right away and starts nursing. I lean my head against Shane’s chest. This feeling of peace comes over me. I know I need to appreciate this, ’cause it won’t last long. Not with a little one with my lungs. Heaven help my ears.
***********
It’s hard to believe it’s been twenty-four hours since Shane and I began our first night as parents. Since then, Grace has shown us at least five or six different levels of fits, and I think I’ve lost it at least that many times. Who am I kidding? It’s more like double that. Shane and Ma have both been amazing and beyond helpful since I’m trying to basically do everything one-handed. My cast is on my dominant hand and using it is a challenge to put it mildly.
The doctors are saying that Grace and I will get to go home in the morning. I’m ready to be home. I may not be moving great, but I want to be out of this hospital, and I want our girl home too. She’s currently in the nursery as I just got back from getting some tests done. I had Shane go with her so she wasn’t alone. The nurse who came back with me told me she’d let them know I was back in my room. Grace was supposed to have a few last tests run as well. The doctor wants to confirm nothing came up since she was born under duress, and he didn’t want to miss any injuries or issues that might not have shown at her birth.
This is the first moment I’ve been all alone since before she was born. Silence is an amazing thing. Sitting here, enjoying the quiet that I know is soon to disappear, I hear familiar voices in the hall outside my room. I hear an angry voice ask someone a question.
“Why the fuck did you take his card and say you’ll call him? He was askin’ you out. What the fuck isthatabout?”
“It’s about me not bein’ someone’s dirty little secret. I deserve more than that. As much as it hurts, I realize I don’t think you can or are ready to give me more.”Ohhhh. Is that who I think it is?
“Fuck that.You are mine. I’m not going to stand aside as Mister-tall-dark-and-nursey gets to see what’s mine. I’ll tell my—” My eavesdropping is interrupted by my phone ringing.
Ma asks me what I want for dinner and which clothes to come home in. By the time we’re off the phone, I can’t hear anyone outside the room, but holy crap! If that other voice is who I think it is, that’s a shock, but it’s awesome.
Shane comes walking in the door a few minutes later, but without Grace.
“The nurse was doing her last checks and going to bring her back here in just a couple of minutes. I wanted to check on you too, gorgeous.”
“All my tests came back fine. I’m good to go home in the morning as of now.” He kisses my cheek as the door opens all the way and the nurse brings Grace back to us. She’s sound asleep, so the nurse sets her in her bassinet and quietly leaves the room. Shane’s lying down on the cot he kind of slept in last night.
We must both doze off for a bit ’cause I’m woken up by a light knock on the door. I see Logan standing in the doorway.
“Hey, umm, Pres asked me to look at everyone’s chart to make sure I don’t think more tests need to be done or that there’s something they haven’t explained to you. I want my patch as much as the next guy, but I’m not gonna invade your privacy without asking. I just came from the girls’ rooms.” I can tell he’s not that comfortable asking me this. I smile at him and wave him into the room.
“That’s fine, I don’t have anything to hide and I would be happy for you to make sure you don’t think they’ve missed anything.” He checks over my chart and says everything looks just like it should.
“Well, I’m off to check one more chart then I gotta get to Jane’s ’cause apparently I’m withering away without cookies. She’s demanding to feed me. I don’t tend to argue with my sister much, and I definitely don’t when she’s pregnant. See y'all later. Call if you need something.”
Shane surprises me by being awake. He starts talking quietly while lying face down on his pillow.
“That’s a guy with a troubled heart.”Does he know?
“Do you know something? What made you say that?” He sits up and looks at me.
“What do you know?” Oh no, I’m not going to give in with what I know first.
“I might know something, but it might be nothing.” I look at him as he tilts his head at me.
“Is what you know, which I think I might know, involve someone we’ve both known for decades?” Oh, I think he might know, maybe.
“You do know! You know, Mister, we’re married. I think that means you’re contractually obligated to tell me what you know. You know, the whole ‘no secrets’ thing.” He looks at me with that look that tells me he knows I’m stretching things.
“Gorgeous, I love you with all that I am, but that line is a crock of horse shit and you know it. Even if we both know what we think we know, everyone has to deal with things in their own way and in their own time. It’s not our place to share someone else’s issues of the heart.”
“Well, damn. I don’t know how to handle you being all reasonable and logical like that.” He chuckles.
“I don’t have many answers about life, my love, but the one thing I know is real love is very complicated until you figure out that the person is really yours. Once you do, it’s simple. It’s in that complication that you realize that love is a verb and not a noun. In order to let it grow, you have to work at it, and once you do, you love that person with all that you have and are, for the rest of your life.” I look at him, all disheveled and still sexy as sin.
