I think Mads knows I’m seeing someone. I don’t think she’s figured out I’m pregnant, but I think she might be on to me having someone over a lot. The only reason she hasn’t given me the third degree about it yet is that whenever she’s started to bring it up, I bring up whatever is between her and Mick. She’s completely into him but thinks he sees her as just a friend. My poor, blind, gullible sister couldn’t be more wrong. Anyone who watches Mick watch her when she’s not looking can tell he’s gone for her. I know the reason he’s not made a move is because he’s worried she’s still not over what happened to her back in college. He needs to decide to make a move or my sister is gonna end up being the oldest virgin in the state, I swear.
Tonight, I’m going over to Ma and Pa’s for a birthday dinner for Jane. Shane’s going over to his uncle’s place to watch football. Next Sunday, we’re all going to be at Sunday dinner and that’s when we’re going to drop the bomb… we’re together and having a baby.
Well, everyone but Ma.
Earlier this week
On Monday, I wasn’t feeling great and had some serious morning sickness, so I called and told my brothers I was taking a day off to feel better. By late morning, I was feeling better and did some things around the house.
I’m not a baker or anything close to it. I can make dinner perfectly fine, even lefse I can handle alright, but baking and I have never mixed. I think it’s having to be exact in measurements. Life is too fucking short to have to be exact. However, I’ve been wanting to have challah ever since I started reading Mirrah McGee’s books. The thought of the delicious soft bread with some marionberry jam has my mouth watering. I could have just bought it at the store, but I thought it couldn’t be that hard and I like the idea of someday making my kid homemade bread. The last time I was at the store, I bought everything to make it. I should’ve bought it already made. Over two hours later and I’ve got flour all over the place and four different bowls of dough. Two haven’t risen at all and two seem to have exploded. My attempt to braid them has failed as they just keep getting bigger. I have no idea what the fuck I’ve done and my kitchen is a disaster. I’m sitting on the floor, working myself into a good self-pitying cry when there’s a knock on my door. It opens and Ma walks through, shouting out her greeting. “Kierstie! Where you at, sweet girl?”
I answer her as I start to get my ass off the floor. “In the kitchen, Ma!” I’m just standing up as she walks into the kitchen and sets a couple of bags on the table. I can see the confusion on her face as she looks at the mess in my kitchen.
“What in the hell is going on here? I came over ’cause I heard you weren’t feeling well and stayed home from work.” She looks me up and down as she grabs a paper towel and starts to dampen it.
“I know something’s up with you lately. I figured after you moved back and got settled, you’d come talk to me, but I’ve hardly seen you. I know you’re all grown up and don’t need a mom anymore, but we’ve always shared things.” She takes the paper towel and wipes my face clean, like she did a million times when I was a kid. She’s still taller than me and holds my face as she looks me in my eyes.
“I don’t demand a lot from my kids. Love and respect being the two things. We are going to sit down and you’re gonna tell me what’s going on and why your kitchen looks like a bomb went off in it. You know I won’t judge, but I hate when my kids keep things from me.” Realizing I’ve hurt Ma by not telling her, I fight back the tears. I sit with her at the table and ready myself to spill the life-altering news. I look at her and realize I could’ve told her as soon as I found out and she would’ve kept my secret.
“Okay, I’ll tell ya, Ma, but please don’t tell anyone, not even Pa. We plan to tell everyone. Not this Sunday, but at the next Sunday family dinner.”
“You know I can keep a secret. The only time I won’t agree to keep something from your Pa is if I think you’re in danger. I think you know that. Why do I feel this is more about you figuring things out and less about keeping it a secret?”
“’Cause you’re a smart woman.”
I start by telling Ma about the night that started all of this. I manage to sneak in the fact that I’ve never had a one-night stand before and that this wasnotnormal behavior for me, and as I’ve since learned, him either. I tell her about my freakout about seeing the positive tests and not knowing the name of the guy who’d knocked me up. I told her about the first day at work and both mine and Shane’s surprise at seeing each other. I told her about his reaction to my being pregnant and him wanting to date and see if there was more even before I dropped the bomb on him. I talk about the last few weeks and us getting to know each other as adults and the little things he does. I spilled everything before I let her get a word in edge-wise. When I finally stop to take a breath, she grabs my hand in hers and looks at me with glassy eyes.
“My baby girl is going to have a baby. I can see why you’ve gone through the roller coaster of emotions, but I think you know how much love there’s going to be for you and this little one.”
“That’s not worrying me. I know even if this is surprising and not expected, I know ya’ll would support me and love this baby. What worries me is that Jon, Juan, Ror, Ry, and maybe even Pa will go all mister alpha on Shane. They’ll turn it into a he-did-them-wrong thing, which he abso-fucking-lutely did not. When we met that night, he had no clue who I was and he still treated me right. I most definitely didn’t recognize him, that's for sure. Since I’ve been back, he’s been amazing about this whole baby thing. It wasn’t his idea to wait. It was mine, partly because of the first trimester thing and also I was still getting used to the idea. But, Ma, I won’t have them hurt him. I can’t stand by and let that happen.”
Ma tilts her head a little, like she always does when she’s putting the pieces of something together. She grins and asks me, “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
“What? No. I mean, yeah, we have amazing sex and he’s amazing, but just no. I mean I can’t be. This isn’t how love is supposed to go. I mean, you’re supposed to meet someone, get to know them, spend a good amount of time with them, then fall in love, get married, and then have kids.” Ma looks at me like I’ve seen her look at my brothers when they say something stupid or ask a dumb question.
“Kierstie.” She says my name as only a mom can.
“I know I didn’t raise ya that way. Love is love. It doesn’t matter how it starts or how it evolves, it just is. I remember reading something once about love. There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment. So what if you met and had a physical connection first? Your bodies obviously knew what your hearts had to learn.” These hormones are making me cry all the time, I swear.
“I think I really do. I mean, he sings to our baby, Ma. How could I not love someone who does that. He voluntarily gives up caffeine around me just to be supportive?”
Maybe it’s not the hormones, ’cause Ma is tearing up too. She scooches her chair over and gives me a big hug.
“Oh, baby, this is wonderful news. I think you’re Pa will be alright with everything once he sees the two of you together. Your brothers are going to be another story. First, they’ll be mad ’cause someone touched their sister. Then it will be because he’s a club member and friend. Somehow, I think you’ll find a way to handle them. I also think Jane will step in and remind them you’re an adult, and Shane’s a good man and they know that deep down.”
“I hope so. If nothing else, they would want my baby to know its father, after all, right?”
Ma chuckles at me.
“See, my dear, I think you’ll handle them just fin. But just in case, me and your Pa will be there. I’ll have Grant come too, just so Shane knows he’s got another person on his side.”
“Thanks, Ma. I knew I should’ve told you already, but you know how I get in my head.”
She nods at me knowingly.
“You either go into your head or yell the rafters down. That’s my girl. Now, tell me what in the hell you were trying to make in the kitchen?” I explain to her what I was tryin’ to do and why. Within a couple of hours, my kitchen is clean and I’ve got two decent loaves of challah in my kitchen. Ma helped me but fuck, if I try it again. I may love the women in that series, but I ain’t gonna be baking like them anytime soon.
Shane
