I think I need to be declared a saint or something. It’s been nearly five fucking months since Erik admitted he was gay and regretted ending things between us. Five months of knowing he wants my touch as much as I want to touch him. Five months of his getting his shit in line to have her served with papers. He had stomach issues for a while again, and I made him go back to the doctor. The doctor ran a bunch of tests and didn’t find anything. I’ve started to wonder if Celeste could be behind it. She’s really the devil in disguise. She’s also a nurse and knows things. I haven’t brought up my suspicions to Erik ‘cause I’m worried that would push him to stay. How could it do that, you ask? I don’t fucking know, but then again, I don’t know how he’s managed to stay and not stray for decades, even though she’s made his lifemiserable. After all these years, some things about that man are still a mystery to me.
He is having her served the day after tomorrow when she gets back to town from her “conference.” I looked up what she said she was going to, and there ain’t anything like that going on this week. Seems she’s been lying to Erik about a lot of shit. There are very few women on this planet that I’ve ever had the desire to do bodily harm to, but she’s at the top of the list.
Especially if I ever find out she did do something to him to cause the stomach issues he’s having. Luckily, after tomorrow, he’s not gonna be living in the same house as her, so if she is causing his issues, they should clear up pretty damn fast. That’s a woman who has a one-way ticket to a life with Hel once she finally kicks the bucket. Do I sound bitter? ‘Cause I’ll admit that shit. I would hate her less if she didn’t spout pure hatred whenever she spoke to Erik. How he hasn’t killed her in all these years proves he’s a better man than me.
Erik had planned to serve her a couple of months ago but ended up in bed for almost two weeks right at that time and was in no shape to pack up everything and move. This time, if he’s not feeling well, it’s still fucking happening. He told both Leif and Jeremiah. They’re both ecstatic and helping him pack up this afternoon. I was going to help, but I think the three of them need to do it together.
I’ve got Saxon and Samson coming over to help me clear out the spare room so Erik can put all his boxes and stuff in there till he can unpack them. He doesn’t know it yet, but if I have anything to do with things, he won’t be leaving and finding a place of his own. This can be his home for good. We’ve waited long enough to explore being together, and I know separation isn’t what we need. Fuck, I’m a goner, and we haven’t even kissed in decades.
This weekend we’ve got Asher and Logan’s wedding, so we need to get this shit taken care of. I get why he wants to move when the Celestercist isn’t home. She would spend the whole time yelling or bitching about everything. She hasn’t been happy about anything in so long, I couldn’t even recognize her smile if I saw it in person.
Enough about the woman who will soon be out of his life. I’ve got dressers in the guest room cleared out, and I might have cleared out a couple of drawers in my room, too. I know, I know, I can’t rush that part, but I can still prepare in hopes it will happen sooner rather than later. I still say my patience has been out of this world. I can’t guarantee that I’m going to be able to sustain that with him under my roof. I’m only human, after all, and he’s all kinds of sexy.
I’m clearing out the last drawer when I hear the front door open.
“Dad! We’re here!” I’m still surprised Saxon did so well in the military ‘cause being quiet ain’t ever been a strong suit of his. I walk down the hallway and see Samson sitting down in a chair inthe living room. I can hear my fridge being opened. “Beer after work, Son. Get your ass in the living room.” Sax huffs and comes into the living room as I told him to. Samson is already glaring at Saxon or, in general, I haven’t decided yet. He looks over to me. “So what do you need help with? Kinsley hasn’t been home, so I know it can’t be that she replaced more of your furniture.”
I shake my head. “Nah, I don’t think there’s more she could do anyway. I need to get everything out of the spare room. Some of it can go to the garage or up in the attic.”
Samson tilts his head like he’s trying to dissect what I just said. “You know we’ll help ya, but why does it gotta be done today? Some of that shit has been in there since we moved out.”
He stands up, and I answer him. “‘Cause tomorrow, Erik’s moving in. He needs that room for the stuff he’s bringing. You know that the guest room won’t fit much. I know he said he’s not taking much with him, but I know he’s gonna have some boxes to bring. Leif and Jeremiah are helping him pack up everything tonight.” I look up, and both of them look shocked. They could definitely catch flies right now.
Samson finds his voice first. “He’s actually going through with it?”
Saxon adds in, “He divorcing the terrorist?”
I start walking back to the room, and I hear them both following me. “Yeah. He’s having her served by the end of the week. He wants to be moved out before she comes back from theconference she’s at. Less having to deal with her anger and rage toward him ‘cause everyone knows she’s gonna be livid when she gets those papers.” Inside the room I did try to organize a side of boxes to go to the attic and the opposite side for boxes to go in the garage.
Sax speaks up again. “I don’t get it. She’s never been happy being married to him, so why the fuck would she be pissed he’s divorcing her?” We each grab a box and head to the garage.
“She may not be happily married, but she’s come to enjoy the lifestyle she lives and the nice things she can buy. With him divorcing her, that will change. She’s never worked full-time and has tastes that are gonna be beyond her budget. He’s letting her have the house but requesting that he not have to pay alimony since she’s getting the house free and clear.”
One of them whistles from behind me, and Samson sets down a box and looks over at me. “No wonder he wants to move out before she sees the papers. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her when she finds out that shit. Glad you’re letting him move in till he finds a place. Probably has to figure shit out till everything gets finalized.”
Oh, my oblivious boys. Sometimes I wonder how they miss things that seem so obvious to me.
We get the stuff moved to the garage and are finishing up the last couple of boxes for the attic when Saxon speaks up. “Was Erik soin love with Celeste that he didn’t see who she really was when they got married?”
I climb back down the steps from the attic. “I don’t know, to be honest. I don’t think he was head over heels in love with her, but he probably loved her at least.”
Samson speaks up, but what he says has me doing a double take ‘cause it is something I would’ve bet good money on that Saxon would’ve asked. “What the fuck is the difference?”
I must have an odd look on my face ‘cause Saxon says he’ll grab us all a beer and mumbles something about Samson breaking my brain. We sit in the living room, and Saxon walks in a minute later and passes out the beers.
I have to take a sip before answering him. “Was that a real question, Son?” He nods. “I mean, I know there are different kinds of love, like loving siblings or family which are definitely different, but when it comes to a romantic kind of love, is there that much difference between beingin loveand just loving someone?”
“Yeah, there’s a difference, Son. I know I may not be the best relationship expert, but let me see if I can explain it. Hell, let’s take the soon-to-be-married couple, for example. You’ve known Asher your whole life. Has he ever been serious about anyone before in his life?” Both shake their heads. Saxon answers me. “No, in fact, he always said he was gonna stay single his whole life.”
I kick my feet up on the ottoman in front of the chair. “You saw him when Logan was shot. He looked like his world was on that gurney when they wheeled Logan back into surgery. You watched him sitting there, praying for him to make it. You saw him not care who was around and cry like a baby when the surgeon came out and said he was alright. That right there isin love. When you can’t imagine your life without them in it, and even when they drive you crazy, you still want them in your bed at night.” Samson seems to be honestly listening. Makes me wonder if I didn’t talk enough about love and relationships with them growing up. “So, like the way Pa looks at Ma sometimes. Like she hung the moon even if she just brought him a cup of coffee.”
I nod. “Son, if you look, you’re surrounded by people who are most absolutely in love with their person. Besides who we’ve talked about, just look around you. Your cousin Shane is head over heels for Kierstie. Jon, Rory, and Juan are all completely in love with Jane. Hell, even Mick is gone for Mads. He’s just gotta step up and make shit happen.”
Samson surprises me with his next question. “I know it didn’t work out, but were you in love with Monica? Have you ever been in love?”
To this day, he refuses to call her mom. I wish I could heal that part of him, but sometimes things are beyond us, no matter how much we wish they weren’t. “Did I love your mom? Yeah, I thinkI did, but was I ever in love with her? No. However, a part of me will always love her ‘cause she brought me you two. We weren’t super serious when she found out she was pregnant. We tried to be happy together, but we’re very different people.”
Saxon, sounding like his brother, chimes in. “Yeah, you care about people besides yourself, and she has only ever cared about herself.” I start to speak up, but he keeps going. “Dad, you don’t need to defend her. There are only two things she ever did right. The first was having us, and the second, leaving us for you to raise. That’s it. We haven’t heard a peep from her in over ten years. Hell, I doubt she even knows I was in the Army.” Samson interrupts what we both know could be a tirade if Saxon gets going. “What about other than her? Do you think you’ve ever been in love?” Time for some honesty, though I won’t be telling them everything just yet. “Yeah, I have. I can tell you that sometimes part of being in love is just wishing happiness for that person, even if they don’t end up with you. You want them to have their dreams come true, and if you’re able to be around to see it, sometimes that has to be enough. Being in love means that person is always on your mind, and they own a part that no one else can ever have.”
