I nod. “I think we can do that. You talkin’ Millie’s or Lefty’s?”
He walks over to his bike, which is on the other side of my truck. “Let’s go to Lefty’s so we can have a beer and get some of his onion rings with the good fry sauce.” Him and that damn fry sauce. I swear, when he was five, we couldn’t get him to eat anything without it. I might have gone to Lefty himself and begged for him to sell me a gallon of it. Solid dude had kids and got my situation. He traded me a six-pack of beer for a gallon whenever I needed it. I swear that it made those couple of years survivable. “Yep, let’s go.”
We get to Lefty’s and find a table right away, which is almost a miracle for a Friday evening. Locals know this is the place if you want a good burger and sides. Millie’s is the place to go for a home-cooked dinner, but for burgers, even Millie goes to Lefty’s. You can smell the grill going before you even see his neon sign. That sign has been up for as long as I can remember, but it still makes me chuckle every time.Lefty’s. The one time it would be wrong to turn right.
The waitress comes up and takes our drink order. We both know what we want, being creatures of habit, and we order. The waitress brings our beers right away. As soon as she leaves, I can tell Jeremiah has something on his mind. I lean back in thebooth. “Son, you look like you got something you want to talk about or spill. What’s goin’ on?”
I watch him take a sip of beer, knowing he always has to take a moment to figure out his words when he’s got something on his mind. “I don’t quite rightly know how to say this, so I’m just gonna say it.” I take a sip and set my beer in front of me, waiting for Jeremiah to continue. “I’ve never said anything ‘cause I didn’t want to rock the boat and ‘cause I was still living at home and didn’t want Mom to hear and kick me out…but…I know she hasn’t made you happy in years, Dad. Hell, I know Leif talks about remembering a few times, but honestly, I can’t remember a time when you two were happy, let alone in love. I guess what I mean is, why don’t you end things and get a divorce? I know she doesn’t make you happy, and well, at this point, I don’t know anything that would make her happy.”
Well, shit. “Son, my relationship with your mom is…complicated. Things aren’t always black and white. I’ve always wanted you to have both parents and—” Jeremiah holds his hand up, interrupting me.
“Dad. Leif and I are grown. We know we’d have you and Mom even if you’re divorced. Honestly, I would love to see you happy. I know being married to Mom is not where your happiness is. We tolerate Mom just to be able to see and spend time with you. You’re the one who raised us the most. You were the one who went to all the practicesandgames. You were the one whowent on our field trips and helped at school and all. Mom would come when she knew it would look bad if she didn’t. You came to everything even though you worked full-time. Mom was part-time at best, and she rarely seemed interested. I feel like she spent so much time just being angry at everything.”
Well, shit. I thought I had done the right thing this whole time. “Son…I did what I thought was right. I wanted you and your brother to have the best childhood I could give you. I—”
Jeremiah interrupts my word diarrhea. “You did. Leif and I have great memories as kids, and we’re lucky to have you as our dad. You’re someone we both look up to and respect. We know we can always come to you, and you’re always going to be there. It’s because of all of that and who you are that I want to see you have a chance to be happy. I know you often dread going home. I know you have to be tired of it all. I know Archie gives you some, but you should have more happiness in your life than just a ten-year-old golden retriever. I don’t expect you to have answers or a response or shit like that. I just…I guess I just wanted you to know that I see things, and I think you deserve more than the life at home you’re living.” He’s so much like me in that when he’s done talking about a subject, it’s closed, and there will be no reopening it anytime soon. “Now, enough of the heavy shit. What favor did Ma call in that she had me go to the store to get the shit to make you that disgusting Lutefisk?”
I can’t help but laugh at his change of subject and the face he makes when he mentions the deliciousness that is Lutefisk. This is my boy. Serious topics can only last for brief moments as he doesn’t like to dwell on them. “I agreed to help her with her garden for a couple of days next week. I’m going with her to the plant store and gonna be her grunt.”
He chuckles at me and surprises me again with what he says next. “Well, if you need help, I’m sure Pres can spare me for a bit to help Ma. I know Pa usually helps her, but lifting and bending may aggravate his hip.”
That right there tells me I did something right. “I’ll definitely take you up on that offer, Son.” Our waitress brings us our food and we both quit talking to eat. These burgers are always amazing.
CHAPTER FIVE
You know your right eye twitches when Saxon says something dumb, and your left eye does it when Samson is super grumpy. Kinsley gets the vein in your forehead going when she makes you worry. It’s probably good for your health that they haven’t done all three at the same time.
~Text from Erik to Grant
Erik
It’s been a week since both my boys dropped bombs on me. They swear they hadn’t talked to each other about it, but I have my doubts. When we were fishing, Leif brought up the same topic as Jeremiah had at dinner, though he was a little more blunt in his delivery, as is his way.
We were sitting at our favorite spot on the river. Both had our lines in the water and Archie, my almost ten-year-old golden retriever, was off in the trees nearby, trying to find who knows what.
“I broke up with Dina.” I look over at Leif, who’s frowning. “I’m sorry to hear that, Son. You seemed to really like her.”
He shakes his head before I can continue. “Nah, she became someone else when we moved up to Seattle. I dunno how to describe it. She started expecting the best of everything. She wanted those fancy, expensive-as-shit clothes, purses, and jewelry. She wanted me to get in good with my bosses, not so I would do well, but so I would get invited to events where she’d get to dress all fancy and rub elbows with the rich. I don’t care about that stuff. It all started to remind me of shit Mom says or thinks is important.” I start to defend Celeste, but before I can get more than a single word out, Leif puts his hand up to stop me. “Dad. I have some vague memories of when I was little and you and Mom getting along. Beyond that, I’ve rarely seen Mom happy about anything. She’s unhappy with her work, with us, and she looks at you almost with hatred. I’ve watched over the years as you took her insults and bitching so you could be in our lives every day. I don’t know what happened between you two, and honestly, I don’t need to know. The thing I do know is you have always told us that finding our joy—in your work, at home, with family—is what matters most, but you haven’t had that for yourself.”
I couldn’t help but speak up. “I love our family, I enjoy my work, and you and your brother have given me more joy and happiness than I could’ve imagined.” He leans back in his chair and doesn’tsay anything for a few moments. I can tell he’s trying to figure out what he wants to say.
“I’m thinking of moving back to town and prospecting. I know Mom flipped her shit and made your life worse when Jeremiah decided to prospect, so I can’t imagine what she’ll do this time. I know I said years ago that I would never prospect, but I’ve had some years to grow up and realize that I wasn’t chasing my dream but what Mom wanted for me. I don’t care one fucking ounce about status or expensive shit. I want to work doing something I enjoy and make a living from, be surrounded by people I consider my family and best friends, andmaybefind someone to spend my life with who will love all of me, including the club. I guess what I’m trying to say is I get why you stayed when we were younger, but now… Now, I would love nothing more than to see you happy. I mean, really happy, Dad. Whether that’s living alone with Archie in a place where you actually want to come home, casually dating people like Grant seems to like to do, or finding someone to love you, all of you. It’s time for you to find your happiness.” He let things drop, as he always has after he’s said his piece on something, but they both have had me thinking things over all week long.
I know they have easily accepted Ry being gay and with someone, and I know things are different in the world than they were all those years ago, but can I really move on and leave? Would my boys be okay when things inevitably come outabout what Celeste saw all those years ago? I know they aren’t homophobic or anything, but it’s a whole different thing to find out their dad is…well, fuck, let’s put a name to it, finally. I’m gay. Not bi, not gay for one person. I’m fully and admittedly gay. A middle-aged gay man who’s only ever had a blow job and kissed one man in my life before. Yeah, that puts a cherry on a sad statement, don’t it?
I’ve been searching for divorce lawyers and doing some math. What can I say? It’s the accountant in me. I think I need to get out of my head and maybe talk to the one person I can. It’s times like this that I really do miss Mitch. He’d give it to me straight but was always there to listen. I know he hated me staying with Celeste and was not a fan of hers from the start. Romona wasn’t either. Shit, maybe I should talk to her too.
I head home from work, wanting to change and maybe take my bike for a ride. I pull into the driveway and park. I grab my jacket and laptop bag and get out of the truck.
“Hey, neighbor!” I look over and see Gretchen, our neighbor, raking leaves in her front yard.
“Hey, Gretch. How ya doin’?”
She stands up from bending over the pile of leaves. “I’d be a lot better if that evil woman you're married to had an ounce of humanity in her.”
Shit. “What did Celeste do this time?” The way Gretchen glares at me, I know I won’t like what she says next.
“That woman.She let Archie outside probably ten minutes after you left this morning. She never let him back in. You know it rained all morning, and it’s not exactly warm outside. He was crying and so pathetic sounding, so I marched myself down the side yard and through your backyard gate. Archie knows me, so he came to me willingly. I got him inside, dried off, and warmed up. Gave him some leftover baked potato and he’s napping in front of the wood stove as we speak.”
