I reach over and take his hand, threading our fingers together and squeezing gently, sitting there until I can muster up the energy to head back home and be the Bonded that everybody wants me to be, the Bonded they deserve to have. The Bonded that comes most naturally to me when grief isn't quite so heavy in my heart.
The one that needs to figure out what our future is going to look like now, once and for all.
* * *
When we eventually get back tothe house, it feels surreal to stand in the kitchen and make breakfast together as though our lives haven't completely changed. I move to the fridge to grab the ingredients to make an omelet, something simple that I've done a million times before and shouldn't fuck up too badly, but Nox places a firm hand on my back to direct me towards the table instead as he takes over breakfast preparation.
By the time he slides a plate of food towards me, all of the rest of our Bonded Group have joined us, still half-dressed and weary-looking. It’s clear they’re half asleep as they serve themselves from the giant pile of food that Nox has whipped together for everyone.
Gabe still looks green at the mere smell of the eggs, so instead of eating, he buries his nose in my neck, huffing quietly under his breath as though the rest of us are doing something disgusting by eating while he is feeling so shitty. I leave him tucked there as I dig in.
Atlas flanks my other side, pouring me a large cup of coffee and adding all sorts of fun flavors for me, while North and Gryphon discuss work quietly amongst themselves. They both have their phones in their hands as they check in with TacTeams and other personnel, seamlessly getting back to business as usual while I’m sitting here like my whole world has been tilted on its axis.
They’re all acting as though this morning is just like every other morning that we've been at the house together, as though nothing has really changed, when we know that in reality, it has.
“What are we gonna do today, Bonded?” Atlas murmurs quietly to me as he kisses my cheek and hands over the giant cup of coffee.
I take a sip and enjoy the peppermint and mocha undertones to it, sighing as I bat my eyelashes at him. “I want to go see Sage and check in on Kieran… Then I guess we'll help Gabe build things. Is there anything else we need to be doing?”
North shoots me a heated look and shakes his head. “There's nothing youneedto be doing anymore, Bonded. Anything else that comes up, we will deal with. Your job now is to be happy. That's it.”
I nod slightly and look down at my plate of eggs, getting a few spoonfuls in as I think his words through. “And what if I don't know how to be happy? What if it's not that simple?”
North shares a look with Gryphon for a moment before his eyes flick over to Nox. The brothers seem to have a language of their own, they always have, but I'm not used to it being used against me like this, not in such a kind and loving way.
Nox says, a little too gently, “Then you need to figure that out, Oleander. That's your job from now on, figuring out exactly what you want to do. Something that will make you happy.”
Gabe groans under his breath, rubbing his face on my shoulder before he pulls away from me and huffs, “You're going to send her spiraling off the deep end again talking like that, you know. She’s only just stopped freaking out about how she's going to fill up her days.”
I use my training from my time with the Resistance to keep my mind very carefully blank, putting up a wall the way that Nox taught me so that Gryphon doesn't hear anything in my head, and then I send through to Gabe,If you dare to tell any of them what we talked about back at the school, indigestion from the Draconis will be the very last thing on your mind, Ardern.
The lazy grin he shoots back at me is so self-satisfied and not at all discreet. He might as well put a sign on his forehead to let them all know exactly what’s going on in my head.
“What are you guys going to be doing?” I ask, trying to change the topic, and Nox shrugs as he finishes his cup of coffee in one go, gulping it back as though he had a rough night's sleep in his room by himself.
I'm going to sleep in there with him tonight, no matter what else happens today, to see if I can ease away some of that tension that is building in his limbs.
“There's a vote happening for the council. Once we have that established, we’ll be able to take some time off. We don't all have to be here all the time.”
I nod and then I smile back at him. “Maybe I should get back to my schoolwork. Maybe that'll help me figure out how I'm going to spend the rest of my days now that we're not running after god-bonds.”
Atlas reaches under the table to squeeze my leg, nodding his head before he smirks at me. “It might be easier to pass your classes now that you don't have a professor failing you for absolutely no reason.”
I groan under my breath, not wanting to listen to the two of them go at each other's throats this morning, but Nox just sends him a haughty look back. “It'll be far easier for her to pass all of the classes considering she now knows enough to teach them if she wants to.”
I forgot about that, one of the least acknowledged perks of our soul-bonding.
It feels as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and everybody gets back to their breakfasts, talking quietly among themselves. It just reinforces that this is our life now, happy and whole and together, working as a team to figure out exactly what it is that we're after. Exactly what it is that's best for us and for everyone else, because no matter if we have dealt with the Resistance, North is still a very notable member of the community, someone who will have to make decisions for the rest of his life. People's lives depend on his experience and knowledge, after all, but that doesn't feel as suffocating as it did when I first arrived here.
Now it feels hopeful, something to be proud of, something for us all. My phone chimes in my pocket, and I pull it out to find a message from Sage asking me what the hell had happened at the Wasteland and if we're all okay.
I message her back to tell her that I'm going to come find her and hang out today, that I'm going to check up on Kieran and the rest of their Bonded Group, and then I put the phone back in my pocket with a sigh, enjoying the sounds of my Bonded all here together. The way that they bicker with one another over small things and discuss big plans for the community. How they organize their time together and share their ambitions with one another, and the way that they're a family, just as vibrant and amazing and loving as the one whose ashes I scattered this morning.
It might be completely different, but in a lot of ways, it's exactly the same. I found my home. I've fought for it, I've bled for it, and now I get to enjoy it.
My Bonded and I deserve it.
EPILOGUE
