“Welcome.”
“But it doesn’t account for the fact that there are still good reasons for some space before we jump into anything.” She smiled. “One, I really don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
Cheeky girl.
“Two, I was just burned pretty badly, and you deserve more than a rebound. And three, I honestly don’t believe youreallywant an actual relationship. Friends with benefits is a great movie title, but in real life, it’s actually a recipe for a broken heart.”
“I’ll give you that last point, in our situation at least. As for what I deserve, let me be the judge of that.” Never mind I didn’t deserveher, but that wouldn’t bolster my argument here. “And to your second point.” I took a deep breath, but had no hesitation in saying this out loud. It was something I’d thought about for a long, long time. “With most women? I’d agree. I’m not looking for a relationship. But with you? I’ll clean up my life quicker than you can say ‘commitment issues.’”
Mae’s mouth twitched like she was trying not to smile, but I wasn’t joking. Not this time.
“I’m serious, Mae. You’re the only one I’d even think about getting it right for. The only one who makes me want to be better.”
She looked down at her hands. Toyed with them. Raised her head.
“I opened the door back up last night,” she said quietly. “Partly because I remembered something I wanted to tell you. But mostly because I didn’t want the night to end. We’re complicated, Beck. Our lives are intertwined. With the bar. Our friendship. Diving into the deep end now feels like a recipe for drowning. I kissed you because I wanted to. Badly. And still do. But that’s the problem. There’s no turning back for us.”
In other words, she was scared. I couldn’t argue with that. I was too. Terrified, actually. The guys had it right in college though, when we took the pact. Mae was different. Always had been. For her, I would risk my heart. I would risk everything.
“I’ll show you, Mae.”
The more I thought about it, the more it felt right.
“You need time? Take it. You want me to prove I’m not the guy you’re afraid I am?”
I paused. These weren’t words I could take back, but I wasn’t backing down now.
“I’ll prove it. Every day. For as long as it takes.”
“Beck—”
“As friends. No more kisses. No crossing the line.”
Her eyes narrowed. “No teasing about getting me naked?”
“Pfft. Let’s not get crazy. A no-teasing clause is one step too far.”
“Fine,” she said, her voice low and reluctant. “Friends.”
It would do. For now. And for the first time in my life, I wasn’t chasing a good time.
I was chasing Mae. I didn’t plan on losing her.
24
MAE
“Okay, what’s the emergency? And why are we drinking wine on a Monday? Not that I’m complaining,” Jules asked as she approached.
I’d snagged us two Adirondack chairs and a charcuterie board already. And wine, of course. Jules had to run some errands, so we drove to Golden Grove separately, a newer winery that was quickly becoming one of our favorites, behind lakeside.
“Got us white. Figured it was lighter,” I said as she sat. “Being it’s Monday and all.”
Laughing, she grabbed a handful of grapes and the wine. Didn’t even ask what it was, but I had more important things to tell her.
“The emergency is that I kissed Beck. Or he kissed me. Whatever.”
Jules froze. Clearly, this was a legitimate emergency because she didn’t even take a sip of the wine but instead put it on the table between us, turned to me and just stared.
