Thinking was hard. It was easier to get drunk, not have feelings for women, and enjoy each day. But that was just me putting off the inevitable.
Time to adult, Beck.
I just hoped, despite what Emilio had said, it meant Mae being mine.
34
MAE
“Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had an ice cream cone?”
Beck walked beside me, taking a sip of his milkshake. I could never understand why someone would want to drink their ice cream.
“They don’t have ice cream in France?”
“They do, but it’s not the same. Smaller scoops, richer flavors, and no rainbow sprinkles in sight.”
When Beck texted earlier to ask if I wanted to meet him in the square, I’d been researching starting a business. And checking my phone, wondering who would reach out first. If there was a guidebook on how to approachpotentiallydating your friend without destroying your relationship, I really could have used it.
“No rainbow sprinkles?” he asked, taking the path which led to the only public lake access near the square. “And you considered actually living there?”
It was a reminder that I had, a few months ago, been engaged.
“I was… caught up in the fantasy of it all.”
His tanned bicep flexed as Beck lifted the shake to his mouth. A vision of that mouth grazing my nipple reminded me why I’d been tossing and turning all night. It was a different kind of unsettled than when I’d first come home. This was more like a nervous excitement, the moment just as you get to the top of a roller coaster. Fun, but a little scary too.
Miraculously, a lakefront bench was empty. On a Saturday, this time of year, they were prime seats. Grabbing it, we sat.
“What do you mean?” He crossed his legs. Beck wore a tee and jeans, his normal attire. The shirt was from a music festival we’d gone to in college when he’d flashed his ass out the back window of the car on the way home in traffic.
“Being back home reminds me of all the things I missed in France. But when I was there, I was content to forgot all of that for a… dream life. Or what I thought was a dream life at the time.”
“You don’t think so anymore?”
It was a question I’d been considering lately.
“I’m not sure. It just felt as if I had everything. But now?”
Without the proper words to explain the turmoil I felt, I licked my ice cream cone instead.
At Beck’s groan, I stifled a grin and did it again, this time, more provocatively.
“O’Malley,” he warned.
I gave him my most innocent smile.
“Yes, Claymont?”
“Keep it up.”
“Or else?”
Instead of answering, he shot me a warning look and stared out at the lake. We sat in silence for a bit. That was one thing about us. The silence had never been uncomfortable.
“Could you be happy here?”
It was the one question I couldn’t answer. For so long, my dream was to get out of Cedar Falls, not stay in it. I had enjoyed living in France. And probably would enjoy other places just as much.
