Well. It didn’t seem he had any other choice.
“May I say goodbye to the others?”he asked.
“They are Mage Warriors and Warriors sworn to protect the royal family and destroy every demon they encounter,” Cormal hissed, like Perian was being deliberately obtuse. “We have already had tocompromisedue to the extraordinary circumstance of the Prince and Princess’s wellbeing. They will all be informed of your departure.”
Perian swallowed and nodded. Maybe it was just as well. He could still remember Brannal’s stony face if he closed his eyes. What if everyone else reacted the same way? What if they didn’t know what to make of him or couldn’t forgive him for what he seemed to have done?
He didn’t want anyone else to look at him the way Cormal and the Queen did.
“Very well,” he said, because he knew they viewed this as extreme leniency, but he didn’t think he could bear to thank them.
They’d made their decision before he entered the room, and no one had come to support him or gainsay them.
It was finished.
It was remarkably quick, after that. Perian wasn’t sure if it honestly didn’t occur to Cormal that Perian had belongings or if he didn’t think that a carnaliondeservedbelongings or if his patience had just worn out.
Perian was immediately escorted not just out of the castle but all the way to the city stables so that he could borrow a horse and leave the citynow. Today. Immediately.
Perian thought about protesting, but why did it matter? No one had come to see him. No one had protested.
His belongings were just things, and they were about to represent the most painful time in Perian’s life. If he’d been allowed to pack a trunk, he would have done it, but what would he have put in there? The robe that Brannal had given him? The book? The carving that Chamis had made?
So many memories, and they felt like they were full of spikes and sharp claws right now. Maybe the Queen and Cormal were right, in the instance. Maybe it was better after all that they made a clean break.
But he couldn’t help but wish that he’d had the chance to see Renny one more time, that he could actually see Kee for himself when he wasn’t about to collapse from the strain. Might he have been able to do more if he’d tried again? He couldn’t have gone longer, but if he’d replenished, could he have tried again?
He supposed he’d never know.
Cormal had hurried him out of there, but Brannal was Summus. He was in charge of all the Mage Warriors. If he’d wanted to see Perian before he was gone, he could have done so. That he’d chosen to leave or allowed himself to be ordered away only confirmed what Perian had suspected since he’d woken up in that cell.
Brannal was Summus. Of course, being Summus came first. Perian had known that since practically the first moment that he’d encountered the man. He should never have expected differently. Hedidn’texpect differently, not really…
His heart totally expected differently, who was he trying to kid? But his heart was wrong. Brannal had picked being Summus, and Perian had to let him go.
But could he maybe remember the affectionate Brannal instead? The one who had cuddled him and made him feel good and made sure he was fed and… but no, no, that was to help Molun, wasn’t it?
Before that, then? Could he remember their weekend away, maybe? What was that, if not affection for Perian? If Brannal had been worried that Perian might suck him dry, that had been a particularly stupid thing to do, hadn’t it? Yes, Perian would go back to those days, and he would rememberthatBrannal.
Perian realized he was clutching the pendant Brannal had given him, the one item he’d got to bring with him because he’d been wearing it.
There hadn’t been anyone to rescue him today, and Perian had to stop expecting that there ever would be.
He went home.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Almost three weeks later
Perian hadn’t previously realized how quiet his home was. Oh, he’d been aware of the silence after his father died, when it had been only Perian. But that was still nothing like the quiet now, after Perian had lived for months in the castle. When Perian had spent his time with Warriors who were fighting, with Mage Warriors who were training, with a wonderful little girl who giggled at picnics. When he’d taken his meals in a crowded dining hall or talked to salves while working with the doctor or chatted quietly with Brannal—and even when the two of them had been quietly cuddling, there had been the sound of the other man’s breaths, his heartbeat, the quiet but noticeable indications that Perian was not alone.
Perian was alone now. He might have been greeted with happiness by his staff, but there had always been that separation between them, that distance that his father hadcreated, presumably to make sure that no accidents occurred, that Perian didn’t accidentally seduce someone or consume all their life energy without meaning to.
He supposed there was a small chance that this was how his father preferred to live his life, that he didn’t like the scrutiny of live-in staff, but Perian rather doubted it. Knowing everything that he knew now, their entire existence was pretty obviously fabricated for one very specific reason.
He still wondered exactly what his father had known and what he could have told Perian if only he’d chosen to do so. Why did everyone in Perian’s life who knew the truth choose to withhold it from him? Except for Cormal, ironically. But that hadn’t been to inform him or help him. That had been a spear of truth wielded as accusation. A lot of Perian was bitter about that, but some of him was… if not quite grateful, at least quietly resigned. As he’d picked apart his own life and existence, it seemed obvious the situation could not have gone on indefinitely.
Perian had no idea how long he could last here on his own. He wasn’t even supposed to go to the nearest town, and even if hedidgo there, there wasn’t a house of pleasure that he could frequent. What was he supposed to do, just stroll up and down the main street, pass by everyone’s houses, press up against the wall, and hope that he was there at the right moment to snatch up some spent desire?
