A frown twisted her face, and she was looking at him like she couldn’t quite figure him out.
No surprise there. Cormal was beginning to see that he’d felt that way foryears.
“What were you actually trying to do?” she asked.
“You want to come in? Shut the door?” He sighed. “I’ll probably screw it up with you, too, but I can at least try to get it right.”
Looking kind of worried now, she did as he’d asked and sat down across from him, arms crossed, as she gazed at him narrowly.
“Despite what it looks like, I never wanted to be Summus,” he told her. “If I could undo all of it right now, I would. Unfortunately, there’s no magic on this earth that will let me go back and change what happened. So all I can do is try to apologize and see if I can help fix any of it, instead of breaking it. I asked Molun if he had any interest in being Summus.”
Ah. So that was what it looked like when Delana was stunned into silence. He’d never actually seen someone’s jaw drop before.
After a very long moment, she said, “Cormal—”
“I know no one believes me, that you all think I wanted this.” He gestured at the stupid desk and his stupid position behind it. “I know that just speaking words doesn’t have a lot ofmeaning. So I thought I’d start with action. If I stepped down as Summus, then maybe one day, people would actually believe that my actions never had anything to do with that. That I’d have Brannal back here in a heartbeat, if he’d come.”
She was still staring at him and finally asked, “What happened?”
Well, at least she hadn’t stormed out of the room yet.
“I apologized to someone. They asked me if I actually wanted this, and then they reminded me that even though I’d accepted, I didn’t have tokeep doing it.” He huffed a breath. “And suddenly it seemed like maybe there was a way forward. Even if it means groveling. A lot.”
She wasstillstaring, and he was starting to feel uncomfortable. He swallowed but made himself continue to meet her gaze.
Slowly, she said, “You’d be Secundus while Molun was Summus? Really?”
He blinked at her. “Oh, well, I thought I’d just be a Mage Warrior while he was Summus. Or, I suppose, if that would fix everything, that I’d be a Mage. I can’t imagine anyone picking me as Secundus at this point.” His lips twisted. “I’m really not a good bet, am I?”
And then, to his surprise, she jumped up from her chair, came around the desk, and leaned down to wrap her arms around him. He swallowed heavily, buried his face in her chest, and held on.
She kissed the top of his head. “Oh, Cormal. I haven’t seen this side of you in a long time.”
Cormal was pretty sure he’d buried this side of himself seven years ago, when he’d stupidly ended up almost following in his father’s footsteps while trying to do the opposite.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled into her leather vest. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen and was a jealous asshole and hurt Brannal and Perian and all of you.”
It was almost easier to say, the second time, and he wondered if it got easier every time—or if this had been easier because Delana was the only person who hadn’t completely abandoned him, even though he deserved it. She was also hugging him, and he’d been pretty sure that she was going to hear him, even if she didn’t entirely believe him.
She laughed. “Oh, Cormal, trying to get it all out there at once?”
He nodded. “I am. But I need to talk to a lot of different people, and I’m pretty sure they aren’t all going to listen. Which is fair, since I spent months doing the same thing.”
She pulled back from him, cupped his face with her hands and stared at him. “What happened?”
He huffed a laugh. “I realized that I was becoming—had become—a person I didn’t want to be. And I’m still going to lose my temper, and I’m probably going to completely screw this up, but I was reminded that this is still all me. I have choices to make, and these are my decisions. And I can stare at the past and be bitter that something is wrong with it, or I can try to make changes for the future.” He held up a hand and a fireball appeared. “I can still do this, obviously. You’ll need to douse me with water at some point, I have no doubt. But I’m going to try to make a difference.”
“I’m proud of you,” she told him.
He leaned into her hands, closing his eyes for a moment. He swallowed, sniffed back tears, and opened his eyes, pulling back a little. She let her hands drop.
“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “I mean, I’m not sure anyone should be telling me they’re proud of me for trying to act like a decent human being, but I appreciate it nonetheless.”
She laughed softly, and he smiled at her and felt a tiny bit of the tension diminish.
“I have a lot of work to do,” he admitted. “But I’m committed to trying. Also to trying not to lose my temper when people tell me that I’m an asshole out loud.”
An eyebrow rose. “You think they’re doing it in their heads?”
