It had never, for so much as a moment, occurred to Cormal to ask what would happen if Perian triedagain.
Kinan had asked the question so quietly, like it was a dream he wasn’t sure he should admit to having—because Cormal had driven Perian out of the castle and come so very close to killing him.
He could feel the blood draining from his face, and that hopeful, wistful expression on Kinan’s face vanished in a look of alarm.
“How can you even talk to me?” Cormal asked, and his voice cracked.
He’d gotten so used to thinking that it was Brannal and Perian and even the Princess that he’d most hurt. But here was yet more proof of his blindness, of the harm he’d done so casually to Kinan. He hadn’t eventhoughtof it.
Fire and water. What else might he not have thought of? Were there whole ideas in these books that he was missing because he was a thoughtless, senselessass? Was a solution staring him in the face but he was so blind he couldn’t see it?
“Cormal. Cormal!”
His attention snapped back to Kinan, who was looking at him with so much concern.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said urgently. “That’s never what I mean, I swear.”
Cormal could have cried. Because here he was, making Kinan reassure him while Cormal was the one who’d maybe ruined his life.
Kinan had asked the secret hope of his heart, and Cormal had made it all about him. Again. Kinan tried to touch him, his hands on Cormal’s arm, and Cormal reached out and set his own hovering on top.
Cormal cleared his throat. “Please don’t apologize. I’m sorry. You have every right to ask that question. I should be reassuring you, and instead you’re reassuring me. I’m so sorry.”
But Kinan was shaking his head. “No, no, it doesn’t matter. It’s fine. I promise.”
Cormal pressed his eyes closed for a moment, trying to force back tears. How could they both be trying to frantically reassure one another when Cormal was a terrible human being?
He sucked in a deep breath, blew it out, and tried to rally. “I don’t know if that would help,” he admitted, voice thick. “But I can talk to the Queen myself about the idea. Maybe, uh, not quite yet. I think a bit more distance might help.”
There was no evidence that she was having life-altering realizations while Cormal was, and Cormal might as well ask Perian in person first—if Brannal didn’t kill Cormal outright.
Cormal was such an idiot. He was immensely frustrated with himself, but that was only distressing Kinan, so he tried to push those thoughts away for the moment. He met Kinan’s eyes.
“I said I wouldn’t stop at anything to fix this. I mean it.” He swallowed. “You might still need to remind me of things whenI’m too narrow-minded to see them, but please keep asking questions like that. We need to explore every possibility. Truly.”
The last thing Cormal wanted was for Kinan to feel like he couldn’t talk about this because Cormal was overreacting. Kinan stared into Cormal’s eyes, his gray gaze intent. Cormal wasn’t sure what Kinan saw, but he nodded and relaxed a bit.
“I’m sorry,” Cormal couldn’t help but repeat. “I thought I’d gotten over everything about that time, but apparently, I’m still an idiot.”
He’d got the tone right this time, because Kinan huffed something that was almost a laugh and curled up next to him again.
Cormal blew out a breath in relief.
It made him only more determined to go and make his apology, to make clear that if Perian was willing, then Cormal wouldn’t get in his way. To the contrary, he’d protect Perian with everything in him—which no one in the country would believe unless Cormal could explain this adequately in person. That might be an insurmountable task, but Cormal had never been more determined.
Chapter Eighteen
Trill
One of the things that Trill hadn’t quite anticipated about having a relationship with Molun and Arvus was the growing amount of non-sexual activities they engaged in. Trilllovedthe sex, and he would always be happy to do that. He loved all the sex-adjacent activities like cuddling or sleeping together—or climbing on Molun’s lap so they could both try to read. Buthe also really liked the fact that Molun and Arvus wanted to have dinner with him in the dining hall—and take him places.
Remembering that this was his first visit to Royal City, they did indeed start taking him to some of their favorite places, more than simply dancing, though they certainly did that. They’d been through all the best bakeries, although Trill still thought the castle cooks did an amazing job. They walked through parks, and they visited clothing stores and bookstores and little shops with knickknacks. Trill admired a blanket, and it appeared on their bed. He admired the painting above the fireplace, and suddenly they were in a gallery, shopping for more art. Although they spent a lot of time in one another’s laps, a third armchair appeared in the sitting room, a match for the first two.
They were also spending a bit more time in pairs, everyone having the chance to connect one-on-one. There was even some making out one-on-one, too, though they didn’t go too far. Trill loved all of it. He loved being included, and he also wanted to make certain that their relationship was maintained and got everything it needed.
They almost always had dinner in the dining hall now, which was an interesting experience. If it hadn’t beenfullof Mage Warriors and Warriors, it would have been a great place to pull a little more energy from, because wow, there was a lot of attraction and flirting.
But it was literally a room full of people who would try to kill him if they suspected what he was, so Trill focused on being as human as possible.
