He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting from Perian’s home. “Estate” conjured something grander in his head, but it was actually very… comfortable. Cormal had only scattered memories now of where he’d lived as a child before his motherhad brought him to the castle. They’d lived in a medium-sized town in a room at a boarding house. In retrospect, Cormal assumed that his father had supported them. As a child, it hadn’t occurred to him to wonder.
The castle, of course, was so much grander in every way. Perian’s house had so much more space than Cormal’s earliest memories, but it still felt homey in a way that the castle didn’t. Brannal directed them to what looked like a sitting room, and he pointed them at a couch, where Perian and Brannal could sit opposite, with plenty of space between the two couples. The room was nicely appointed without being ostentatious, and the furniture was comfortable. Cormal wondered if that meant there were no rooms with uncomfortable furniture in the house. He had a feeling Brannal would have put him there if that were an option.
Brannal and Perian sat right next to one another, and despite the tension that had no doubt been caused by Cormal’s arrival, they looked happy, like they fit together perfectly. Although Brannal was dressed in his Mage Warrior armor, Perian was only wearing a shirt and trousers, no vest or coat in evidence. It was nice to see them like this, actually, even if it made part of Cormal’s chest ache. He wasn’t sure if it was old feelings or the awareness of how close he’d come to ruining this, or maybe both. It was more of a relief than he’d expected to see Perian completely healthy and whole.
Perian was looking at Kinan, smiling.
“I’m so happy to see you,” he said, then laughed a little at himself. “Literally, but also that you’re here! You’re looking well. I’m so sorry I couldn’t do more.”
Kinan shook his head, smiling in turn, which thankfully swept away the lingering look of fear from when they’d been outside. “Please, don’t apologize. You pushed yourself into a coma for me. You did everything you could.”
Perian and Brannal exchanged glances, and then their gazes slid over Cormal.
He cleared his throat. “It’s not the only reason I’m here, but, uh, because I’m stupid and tried to think about you as little as possible, it didn’t occur to me until Kinan asked that you might be able to do more if you tried again. I mean, if you’re all right with that; we certainly don’t want to land you in a coma again, or worse. It wouldn’t be for me, obviously, but for Kinan. I wouldn’t get in the way.”
Perian looked a little surprised. Brannal was incredibly impassive.
Tracing a finger back and forth between the two of them, Perian said, “Is this why you’re being so weird?”
Cormal let out something that was almost a laugh. “Sort of? He was the first person I apologized to. And because he’s the nicest person in the entire world, he forgave me, even though he shouldn’t have. And he helped me see all the things that I was too blind to see before. And realize that there were a lot more people I needed to apologize to.”
Perian looked shocked. “Isthatwhy you’re here?”
Cormal nodded. “And I know you have no reason to believe me or even to agree to listen, but I wanted to come anyway. I thought about writing a letter but doubted you would read it, and even if you did, those are just words. You can’t see me or have me answer any of your questions—or knee me in the groin. Again.”
Perian’s face split into a wide grin. “Oh, no, did you try to apologize to Renny?”
Cormal nodded. “It went pretty much exactly how you’d expect it to. She’s still not speaking to me. I don’t blame her.”
Perian’s expression faded to something more contemplative. “You don’t expect us to forgive you.”
“Not at all,” Cormal admitted. “I think Kinan has a vested interest, that’s all, and like I said, he’s been kinder than I deserved. Delana, too.”
Perian blinked. “Who all have you apologized to?”
Cormal counted on his fingers. “Oh, uh, Kinan, Delana, the Princess, Onadal, and Zametta, the watch station leader who had to lie to Brannal. I wrote to Nisal, and Onadal agreed to write to Gribon. I managed to offend Molun when I tried, so I didn’t even attempt Arvus, not yet. It was Molun who pointed out that it wasn’t really any of them that I’d hurt. I mean, I did hurt and betray some of them, of course, but I took his point. Why would they even consider forgiving me when I hadn’t tried to apologize to the two of you for what I’d done?”
Perian looked surprised, and even Brannal’s expression had shifted to something that was maybe… a slightly surprised stoic?
Cormal sighed. “Kinan was the first person that I feltlistenedto me when I told him why I’d done what I’d done. I felt so endlessly frustrated that Brannal and everyone else wasn’t listening to me that it didn’t occur to me that I was doing the exact same thing in reverse. And of course, since I’m the one who was wrong, it makes everyone else right to have done so.”
Brannal closed his mouth on what Cormal assumed had been a protest about Cormal not listening to anyone at all.
Kinan protested on Cormal’s behalf, “You had your reasons.”
Ruefully, Cormal looked over at Brannal and Perian. “I did have my reasons. I don’t mean them to be excuses, but I hope they can maybe explain a little why I made so many terrible choices?”
It ended like a question, because they could still refuse to even hear him out.
It was Perian who nodded after a moment. “Go on.”
Because Cormal and Perian had never been friends. Because they’d only known one another for months, not years. Andbecause it was much easier to forgive what someone had done to you than what they had done to someone you loved.
Cormal suppressed a sigh.
“Despite how it obviously looked and what everyone assumed, I’ve never wanted to be Summus. Brannal, I’ve known you since I was ten, and you can controlall the elements. You’ve always been the strongest, fiercest Mage Warrior of my acquaintance. I knew practically from the moment I met you that you’d be Summus after my father. I wanted to bevalued, and I, uh,” he cleared his throat, “picked the person I thought most likely to do that?”
Wow, this was a lot harder to say in front of Brannal than he’d thought.
