“I know,” Cormal said wretchedly.
“A year of nightmares,” Brannal said through gritted teeth.
“And no sleep. And endless watches,” Cormal continued the litany, tears stinging his eyes. “Brannal, Iknow. And I swear to you that every night Molun coaxed you into bed, I stayed up watching. I went through every workshop, I searched every corner, and I made sure every single one of them was gone. I still don’t know how he got them in there. I can’t imagine what he was thinking. But I protected him.”
Silence descended like a stifling blanket in the weight of his confession. Cormal didn’t dare look at Kinan.
It was Perian who finally said, “So when another demon sneaked into the castle? No way could you let that pass.”
Cormal sniffed, swiping at cheeks that felt hot and wet. “It was quite possibly the most toxic combination of guilt and jealousy ever felt by anyone. The idea of another demon attack truly horrified me. The notion of just… hoping for the best again? Icouldn’t. And an excuse to get you out of the castle seemed like a… gift. I like to hope I might have been more rational if not for all those things combined, but maybe not.”
Perian considered him for a long moment, and then said, “You may be ever so slightly less of an ass than I thought.”
Cormal huffed and smiled faintly. “Thank you. I was definitely more panicked than rational. I know it sounds daft, but I really convinced myself that you had to be, uh, unduly influencing Brannal. If I got you out of there, I thought he’d come to his senses. And once that happened, the game would be up, right? You’d know not to come back.”
Perian was staring at him. “You really did think they’d just keep me for a few days and then I’d leave.”
Cormal made a sound in his throat, half distress and half laughter. “Yes. I realize how asinine it sounds now, but I was frantic. I ordered Gribon to help, and he came up with a plan. Neither of us knew that Venoran was hiding out with Fomadin’s sister, I swear. He only caught a glimpse of Venoran as he was leaving once he dropped you off. And then, of course, once you were brutally attacked, nearly killed, and brought back by Brannal looking half-dead… well. If you were a dangerous carnalion—a killer—then I hadn’t done anything wrong, had I?”
Perian’s expression had gone indecipherable.
Cormal swallowed thickly. “I worked so hard to convince myself that you were dangerous and didn’t deserve basic human decency. Which I realize is despicable. You deserved so much better. I know it’s too little, too late, but I’m so sorry for putting you in that position. You were injured, attacked, and nearly killed. That’s all my fault. And I made it worse by being too cowardly to accept my blame in it. I’m so glad Brannal was able to get to you in time, and um, I’m glad the doctor didn’t listen to me any of the times that I was particularly rude.”
Perian’s eyes flickered shut and then open again. Brannal had taken his hands, and their fingers were twined tightly together.
“I really didn’t know about my heritage, you know. But in that horrible little room, I could feel his desire while he hurt me. It was so awful.”
Cormal made a pained sound. “I’m so sorry.”
It felt stupid and useless to be saying it again, but he had a list of terrible things that he’d done, and he needed to express his apology for each of them.
“It’s one of the first times I liked you, you know.”
Cormal’s eyes snapped to Perian’s face, because, what?
“When you helped Misalla,” Perian clarified. “You were so gentle with her, so kind, no matter what you thought of me. And you just… got everything sorted. It was very admirable.”
Cormal swallowed thickly. “Thank you.”
That was definitely more than he deserved. If only he’d behaved the same when Perian was attacked.
Perian resumed, “So then you fought to get me put somewhere where I couldn’t hurt anyone.”
Cormal nodded, not sure why Perian was being so understanding, but not above going with it. “Even when you proved that you wanted to help Kinan, I couldn’t see pasthowyou were going to help. It still felt so dangerous. All I could remember was my father saying he had everything under control. So even once you were in a coma, since Brannal was clearly still under your influence, the Princess was clamoring for you, and your friends were by your bedside night and day… I knew I had to come up with a way to get rid of you. Before it all went wrong.”
“I always wondered why you didn’t just kill me, you know.”
“I couldn’t,” Cormal admitted almost voicelessly.
“Couldn’t you?” Perian asked, voice steady and gaze direct.
Cormal’s eyes strayed to Brannal’s and then back to Perian. He shook his head.
“I never really understood why you were friends,” Perian admitted after a small silence. “Is it safe to say that I saw you at your worst?”
Cormal let out a huff of incredulous laughter. “At my absolutely most awful, yes. That’s not even counting the fireball at your head, which I wouldn’t have done to anyone else.” He looked at Brannal. “I really did convince myself that I was looking out for my friend. I can see now that was a gross oversimplification and entirely self-serving. I understand that you can’t forgive me for what I did to Perian.”
He swallowed thickly and continued, “I still wanted you to know that I really am sorry. I’d be happy to speak to the Queen about fixing this.” He waved around them and the house. “Ican’t honestly say how she’ll react, but since everyone else is already on this side, it’s possible we can convince her to undo her banishment. You might be perfectly happy here, so I didn’t want to talk to her before I talked to you. I don’tjustwant to apologize. I want to try to fix it for you, if I can. I talked to Molun about taking over as Summus, but he thought I was joking.”
