He hadn’t really thought that Perian was going to refuse to try to help, but it had still been apossibility.
It wasn’t that late, but it had been a long day.
“Would anyone be insulted if we went to bed?” Perian asked. “This isn’t how I thought today would go, and I could really use some cuddles.”
Cormal laughed. “No, that’s fine. I’m sure Kinan and I can keep ourselves occupied.”
Perian led them out of the room and pointed. “There’s books in the study, and you can help yourself to anything. Kinan, you’ve already seen the kitchen. That’s available if you get hungry, Cormal. The surrounding area is safe if you want to walk or ride. Oh, and there’s the water, but it’s kind of freezing right now. And of course, you can sleep from now until a decent hour of the morning if you want. We can reconvene when we’re all refreshed, all right?”
Cormal nodded. He was used to Brannal being the one in charge, and he wasn’t sure if it was different for the two of them here, if it was because of Cormal, or if it was just… different. Perian certainly had no shortage of opinions, and this was his house.
They went up a flight of stairs and then down and to the right. The room looked nicely appointed, not as large as the suites at the castle, but nicer than either of the inns that he and Kinan had stayed in.
Perian made sure they didn’t need anything, and then he and Brannal left with a cheerful wave from Perian.
It wasn’t until Cormal had used the water closet and then pulled on his sleep trousers that he realized that Kinan was just sitting on the edge of the bed and that he hadn’t said anything since their meal. Cormal felt so drained from everything that had happened that he hadn’t been paying enough attention to Kinan.
“Is everything all right?” he asked.
Kinan huffed a breath, and his voice was snide as he said, “I’m surprised you even noticed.”
Cormal drew back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Would you even have shared a room if Perian hadn’t shoved us in here?” Kinan demanded.
“Of course,” Cormal said, confused.
Furious eyes shot to his. “Why? Because Brannal’s busy?”
Oh. This wasn’t anger, not really. This was hurt. Cormal came to sit down beside Kinan.
“No,” Cormal said softly, “because I always want to spend time with you.”
Kinan’s face was a mess of contradictions, hope warring with hurt.
“Brannal was my best friend for years,” Cormal continued. “And there’s a chance that I haven’t completely destroyed that friendship. I’m so grateful for that. But if I could undo all mymistakes and fix everything to be the way that I most wanted, I would still be here in this room with you.”
Tears welled up in Kinan’s eyes. “Really?”
Cormal nodded.
“I can’t even touch you. He can—he can hug you. You looked sohappy.”
And Cormal wished for nothing more than to pull the other man into his arms right now.
“Happy about a friend maybe deciding not to kill me,” Cormal pointed out mildly, trying to go for humor.
Kinan let out a wet-sounding scoff.
“Brannal issohappy with Perian,” Cormal acknowledged. “It’s been entirely obvious for a long time that he never felt anything even vaguely similar towards me. It was easy to want that. We’d been together before. We could both control fire. We were both practically raised by my father and ran around the castle together as children. But I never wanted to acknowledge how much of that was circumstance more than choice. Brannal didn’tchooseme. You did. I’ve never had anyone choose me before.”
Kinan’s voice was small. “Is that all this is? Flattered that someone picked you?”
Cormal shook his head hurriedly. “No! I mean, Iamflattered. It’s incredibly flattering that someone as amazing as you is interested in someone like me. But it showed me how the very brief relationship with Brannal wasn’t anything like that. I latched onto him, and he let me. I was full of hormones, and I guess he was, too.”
Kinan scoffed, the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth.
Gently, Cormal continued, “When it reached its natural conclusion, I got sort of stuck in an infinite loop, building it up in my head as something much more than it ever was. Looking back, it’s more than obvious that Brannal only ever wanted to befriends. I value that friendship very much, and if I’ve managed not to utterly destroy it, I’m delighted. But there wasn’t a deeper connection.”
