I’ll just… Um… Tie it to the roof of my car? Wait. I can’t do that because I don’t have any rope. Haul it back to my apartment? Leave it on the balcony?
My neighbor sighs. “I have a truck. I can take it to the dump for you.”
“Really? Thank you.
I help him load the mattress into the bed of his truck and it isn’t until he drives away that I realize that I never asked for his name.
CHAPTER 4
ELLIOTT
AUGUST
Should’ve told me you were going to the dump
I have a couch to get rid of
A hot girlmoves in next door and what do I do?
Insult her shoes.
Did I introduce myself to make things less awkward?
Nope.
But I did tell her how to remove piss stains from a mattress.
CHAPTER 5
LOREN
MOM
There are tornadoes in Tennessee!
TORNADOES, LOREN!
Money isn’t tight.
It’s non-existent.
All it took was a month to drain my poor account drier than the Sahara.
A few months ago I had money, but then I decided to be fiscally responsible and pay off my student loans.
Silly me.
My current woes began with the new mattress followed by the selfish desire for pots and pans with actual handles. I wasn’t the biggest fan of the taste of rust either, so I bought disposable forks and spoons, but those kept breaking so I bit the bullet and got new silverware. No one tells you ahead of time how much freaking forks and spoons cost. Highway robbery, that’s whatit is. No wonder disgruntled servants in period novels stole the cutlery.
Don’t even get me started on the ridiculous price of toilet paper. I’ve resorted to rationing single-ply. Sometimes I find myself sitting on the toilet, dreaming of the good old days when I didn’t count unquilted squares.
Sadly, those days are no more.
My current situation is—I don’t want to saydire, but that’s the word that keeps popping into my mind. Every time I open my wallet, it’s like one of those loud, creaking doors in a horror movie, only way more terrifying.
As I sit at the drive-thru counting the change in my car’s cup holder so I can eat dinner tonight, I realize I might have to do the one thing I swore I wouldn’t: Call Mom and ask for a loan.
This will lead to a lecture about responsibility and how I should come home and work for them again.
