How can I be angry with him for keeping his shame hidden when I’ve been doing the same thing since I found out about Josh?
If he feels half as shitty as I do right now, then he’s going to need some consoling too.
“Loren, wait!”
I freeze, almost too afraid to turn around. When I finally drum up the courage, I see Rebecca standing behind me, mascara streaks painted across her perfectly sculpted cheekbones.
She swipes at her eyes, but still the tears continue to fall. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”
My vision blurs as I blink back my own tears. “I’m so sorry.”
She throws her arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. “This isn’t your fault. It’shis.”
All of this is Josh’s fault. But I’ve gotta say, part of me is grateful to the ratbag because he brought me here, to this moment, to these amazing people.
When we finally let go and say our goodbyes, I drive away from Meg’s new house feeling lighter than ever before, no longer hiding or running away from a terrible lie.
Today, I’m running toward someone.
When you find love, you chase after it, no questions asked.
If you don’t, you’ll be living in a perpetual third act breakup instead of finding the happily-ever-after you deserve.
And I’ve found one of my own.
CHAPTER 50
ELLIOTT
August
You owe me
I just had to get in the fucking lake
Loren isn’t here.
I know in my heart it’s true before I even get a chance to search the parking lot. She’ll have to come back eventually—she is driving my truck, after all—but there’s no telling when that will be. A day? A week? A month?
What if she comes back while I’m at work? What if she packs up all her stuff and leaves before I get back and I never see her again?
I climb out of the Jeep, but the thought of going back into the apartment seeing that Loren isn’t there—or worse, finding all her shit packed up and gone—makes my chest feel like it’s collapsing in on itself.
Rationally, I know she wouldn’t have had the time to pack everything up, but we’re past being rational.
Instead, I sit on the bottom stair and wait.
Why didn’t I just tell her the truth from the beginning? It seems like such a stupid thing to hide now. She probably wouldn’t have even batted an eye.
But here’s the thing with secrets: the longer you keep them, the bigger they grow, until they feel insurmountable.
My eyes sink closed, and I tip my face up to the blazing sun, contemplating every single thing I’ve done wrong. And let me tell you, that list islong.
If there’s one good thing to come from this, it’s that my mom actually texted to apologize for meddling in my affairs, saying she only wanted to see me happy.
I told her I was happy—happier than I’ve been in a long time.
Thanks to this lie, that’s all over.
