Tears threaten to spill down my cheeks, but I clamp down on the despair that’s trying to spread through my body. I can cry when I’m home, alone in my bed. I just need to make it there first.
“Thank you for trying,” I manage to get out. I run from the room, the tears forcing their way out despite my best efforts.
I hear Liz running behind me, calling my name.
Somehow, despite my blurred vision, I make it to the wide front steps of the fae council building. Hurrying off to the side so at least I’m less noticeable to anyone coming and going, I let the tears stream steadily down my face, no sign of letting up anytime soon.
Liz holds me as I cry.
“It’s so stupid,” I finally say, not sure I’m even talking to Liz, or if I’m addressing the stars that are hiding behind the bright blue afternoon sky like the cowards they are. “Before the activation ceremony I didn’t want to meet my mate. I was worried he wouldn’t like me. And now, I don’t even know if I have one. What if because I didn’t want to meet him, the stars took my bond away?” I sob harder as that idea takes root in my mind. What if this isn’t something that was done to me, but something I did?
“Bliss,” Liz says softly. “You don’t know any of that is true. Just because Tessa Bridgely hasn’t seen a bond like yours doesn’t make it abad thing.Maybe yours is just special and unique.”
A half-laugh, half-sob escapes me. “How can you be so optimistic?”
She squeezes me tight and smooths a hand down my hair, careful not to mess up my ribbon that’s pulling the top half of my hair out of my face. She gives it a gentle little tug, though.
“Your mother started putting ribbons in your hair the day you were born, did you know that?”
I wipe the tears from my cheeks, though new ones are still forming rapidly to take their place. I look up at my aunt. “Really?”
She nods, a smile lighting up her face. “You were born with a full head of hair. And your mother couldn’t help but play with it. Amelia and your dad had gone out to get your mother a gift. She’d been in labor for hours and hours and they wanted to get her something nice. And there was a beautiful pink ribbon on the gift wrapping. Before Charlotte finished opening her gift, she took the ribbon and tied your hair up in it. We still have the pictures somewhere. I’ll find them for you when we get home, okay?”
I nod, a smile tugging at my lips. I don’t remember my mother well—or my father. They died when I was five. And Liz—at only eighteen—has raised Amelia and I since. But one of the few memories I do have of my mom is her putting ribbons in my hair each day.
When I started high school, I was made fun of a lot. Not for any specific reason, just that kids were mean. I started wearing ribbons again to remind myself that I had been loved, that I had been cherished, even if most days it didn’t feel that way.
Sure, it gave the other kids another thing to tease me about, but it also gave me the strength to endure it better.
Liz runs her fingers over the end of my ribbon and looks up at the sky. “This is how I can be so optimistic. Because I know your mother is up there with the stars, and she’d be giving them hell if they ever dared mess with you like that.”
My smile widens at the thought. I breathe out a sigh, the tears finally coming to an end. “So what now? I’m just supposed to wait around?” I ask after a few moments of us sitting there, Liz’s arms still locked around me in a tight hug.
“No,” Liz says, her eyes going a bit misty. I squeeze her back, knowing her thoughts are going to when she met her mate. They were perfect together. One of those love stories I always heard about growing up, where two fae who were already dating get their bonds activated only to find out they’re mates, like the stars just couldn’t wait any longer to push them together. I grew up hoping to find what they had. “You don’t wait around, Bliss. You live. You follow your joy and that joy is what leads you to him and he to you. It’s like a beacon.”
“I don’t know what my joy is, though, which I suppose is ironic,” I say, laughing a bit. There’s also a twinge of guilt. My uncle died only a year after they bonded. Liz has way more reason to curse the stars than I do, and yet here she is, one of the most positive and happiest people in my life.
“Bliss, your name is perfect for you. Just let it be a reminder, okay?”
I can only nod, and we sit there as finally my tears dry up. My mate is out there, supposedly, and all I have to do is be happy.
Why does that sound so hard?
I duck into the restroom just inside the lobby of the council building to freshen up and try to make it look like I haven’t just been bawling my eyes out.
My red and puffy face looks back at me in the mirror and I sigh. There’s not much I can do about that, but at least Liz and I are going to head straight home. I roll my shoulders and with one last look at myself, I head out, finding Liz in conversation about hexes with a middle-aged fae.
“I’ve never seen anything like it. The materials aren’t typical and the magical signature isn’t something we’ve encountered before.”
The man bears a quizzical expression that’s almost comical. Liz reaches out and pats his arm, giving me an apologetic look. “I suppose I can take a quick look.” She turns to me. “Bliss, this is Randy Urvine, my old boss. There’s something he’d like my opinion on.”
Randy turns his pleading eyes to me. “You wouldn’t mind, would you? It’ll be quick.”
I smile at him. “Sure, no problem.”
“Wonderful, that’s wonderful!” he says, brightening up significantly. “If you head down that hallway, it connects to the Lyra Estate. The portal is open and there’s a party for recentlyactivated fae just like yourself. They’re having food and drinks. You are most welcome to wait there for your aunt.”
I nod at his rambling. Liz promises she won’t be long and she’ll come find me.
