“That isn’t exactly a glowing endorsement to continue whatever this was.”
“I’m serious,” he warns. “Can you honestly say you don’t want me like I want you?”
“You don’t even like me,” I say, changing the subject, and it’s true. Rick wants me, his cock gets hard for me, and he likes to fuck me, but he doesn’t actually like me. I made damn sure of that, didn’t I?
“I don’t hate you either. And one day, you’re going to tell me why you ran,” he says softly but with just enough menace behind his words to let me know he’s not done, and he’s never going to be done until he gets his pound of flesh.
“Don’t hold your breath.”
I wonder what it would be like to give in, to just let him into my life. I have never heard from the man who threatened Rick and our baby so long ago. Maybe it was just an empty threat? But a strong voice in the back of my head says that it didn’t seem so empty when they threatened to have him killed overseas and make it look like he took on enemy fire. They said they had someone close to him on the inside who could get to him faster than I could, and I believed them. I hadn’t heard from him in weeks, and it terrified me. I loved him too much to let him die for me. I did then, and I do now. Only now, he has a daughter who has grown to love him and would miss him dearly if something happened to him. So I do what I have to do; I deny the little voice in my head that says I could keep him if I want to, and instead, I push him just a little further away.
“This was always a mistake, Rick,” I say softly. I pull in a deep breath before pressing on, flaying the wound open. “It was a mistake ten years ago, and it’s a mistake now.”
“Don’t say that,” he says, his voice low and angry.
“We never should have gotten married,” I explain. “We were young and dumb and should have known better. And now I think it’s time we end this once and for all.”
“Do you now?” he asks as he crosses his arms over his chest. When he put his jeans on, I’ll never know, but as I finally look at him now, I see he’s ready to leave and not naked and bare like I am.
“I do.” I nod. “I won’t be at the soccer game tomorrow. You have that time with Rachel. I will see her tomorrow night when she gets home.”
“Fine,” he clips out, his jaw tight.
“Fine,” I repeat.
“I see you’re scared, and you want to run, but know this,” he warns. “If you do, if you run from me again, I’ll just have to track you down and fuck it out of you. And I will find you. I have more resources, and I’m not tied down to an enlistment contract this time.”
“Rick—” I start, but he’s already gone, and my bedroom door slams behind him, followed shortly by the front door. And as I lay there, naked in my bed, feeling my body used in a good way and also bad ways too, I let the tears roll unchecked down my face and think my life couldn’t possibly get worse than this.
It’s too bad I would find out later how very wrong I am.
